We walk outside, the humid May air causing me to tug at the collar of my shirt when Maryam unexpectedly pulls me into a hug. I’m not expecting it, and I stumble over my feet.
“You’ve been distracted all night. I’m worried about you.” She pulls back from the hug and examines my face.
“I’m fine.”
“Does this have anything to do with all the tension I felt between you and the babysitter at your brother’s house?”
The look on her face is understanding when I don’t answer, just nod.
“Is that the girl you told me about?”
“It is.”
“I see. And until tonight, it was going well?”
“It was. I love her,” I admit, rubbing the back of my neck.
“John, you’ve done so much for me, now it’s my turn to repay you. I want a divorce. Go be with her,” Maryam says, placing a hand on my arm.
“No, I made you a promise,” I stutter.
“But you love her. And I can still apply for a green card even if we divorce.” She squeezes my arm.
“I know you can, but we’re so close. And it’s risky. What if they deny your green card? Or worse, deport you?”
“Since Samira fled to Canada, she’s been a citizen for a couple of years now. Her path to citizenship there was faster than mine has been here.”
“I thought she was a US citizen.” I’m an ass. As much as I know about this woman and her girlfriend, I should know this, but my mind has been preoccupied for a while now. “Sorry, I’m a shit friend.”
“You’re not.” She smiles instantly putting me at ease. “She has a work visa, but her company has offices in both countries. She’d probably be able to get me a job so I could move toCanada, or she’d move back and sponsor me there till I could apply for citizenship.”
“So you’ve thought about all that. Made a plan.” I scratch the stubble on my chin.
“I’ve seen the way you’ve lived your life since we met. You always put others before yourself and it’s admirable, but right now it’s stupid. You’re miserable, and you don’t have to be. I will never forget everything you did to get me here, but you don’t have to be the martyr anymore.”
“I still want to do this for you, Mary. It’s important to me.”
“I know it is. But you’ve served your time.” She smiles, her dark brown eyes full of gratitude.
“You say that like you assume I think this is a chore.” I wave a hand between us. “You’re a person, a person who deserves to love whomever you want to and not be put to death because of it. You’re not a chore. Nothing I did for you the past six years was a chore.”
“Wasn’t it? Look, I know it wasn’t when this first started. And I understand your need to help others, to make a difference in the world around you. But what started as a sincere gesture has become an obligation for you over the past couple of years, and I have a feeling it has everything to do with your feelings for Emma.”
She’s not wrong. “I’m not going to divorce you when you’re a few months from getting your green card.”
“If there’s a chance Emma isn’t okay with this, then yes, you are. I’m not going to let you sacrifice anything more for me, certainly not love.”
My mouth opens in rebuttal, but she narrows her eyes and I close it, thinking over her words.
“I was married to Ahmed for years when I fell in love with my best friend. When we couldn’t be together, you gave us a chance. You brought me here and gave me space to be with her, all the while sacrificing yourself to keep up the ruse. Ifthere’s anything I can do for you, it’s to end this marriage so you can be with Emma. I can talk to her, explain things.”
Blowing out a breath, I put my hands on my hips and look up at the sky. Can it be that easy?
We head back inside the restaurant and finish our meal. Emma hasn’t read any of my messages, and I decide the best thing I can do right now is to give her some space to process everything. Once she reads my texts, she’ll understand, and we can talk. I just hope that she reads them and feels the sincerity in my words.
“Are you staying at the house tonight?” Maryam asks as we leave the restaurant and climb into the car.
Normally I’d stay in the city and meet up with Emma at the club since I couldn’t take her back to my house with Maryam there. And I couldn’t bring her to my room on campus since my professor roommate would not approve of me bringing a student back to his place.
