I squeezed through to the other side, returning to the depressing motel room that reflected my mental state. Valik stood waiting, his shoulders slumped and emerald eyes sagging in exhaustion. “Welcome back.”
I collapsed on the bed, burying my face in my hands. “It’s done.”
Valik’s breaths sharpened as if he’d fought an entire army alone. Sweat poured from his temples and drenched his white shirt. “It’s for the best. It’s the only way.”
I knew he was right, but it didn’t stop the guilt and selfish longing from resurfacing. I had no right to tamper with her memories. That was the part of my power I hated the most. If only it worked on me.
“I know,” I conceded, not looking up at him. “But it doesn’t make it feel any better.”
Valik stumbled across the carpet before his weight slumped onto the mattress beside me. “I get that,” he sighed. “But sometimes, we must make hard decisions. Decisions that are better for the long run rather than for our own gain. She’ll find her way back to you one day. Trust in that.”
“How do you know?” I asked, my voice monotone and empty. I had nothing left. Even Valik would leave me here to deal with the early stages of Endarkening.
My chest suddenly became too tight. I lurched from the bed and searched for the bottle of rum I kept stored in the mini-fridge. Thankfully, Valik hadn’t poured it down the drain while I was gone. A part of me believed he understood what it felt like, but another part of me figured he just didn’t give a shit. That I served a purpose to his means and whatever I needed to cope to get by worked for him just as well.
Pulling the alcohol out of the mini-fridge, I removed the lid from the cheap bottle before I pressed its opening to my lips and tilted it upside down. The spicy taste of the rum burned my throat and twisted my tongue, but it was welcomed. I’d do anything to distract myself from this all-encompassing grief.
I retrieved the pack of cigarettes I’d picked off a stranger on the sidewalk yesterday, pulling out a stick and placing it between my teeth while I searched for a lighter.
“You’re too young for these habits,” Valik said through shortened breaths.
I pretended to be unbothered as I continued to search. I didn’t care about my age. Life didn’t care about my age. I was only a kid by society’s scale. “Happy Birthday to me, right?” I chuckled, with all the coldness resting in my soul as I continued to scramble through my meager belongings in search of a godsdamn lighter. “But to answer you,” I mumbled through the cigarette between my lips, “I’ve been too young for a lot of things. Didn’t stop them from happening, right?”
A heavy pause sat between us, Valik nodding. “That’s fair.” He sounded tired—not just from the exhaustion from opening a portal but from life. We were weary souls in the night, trying to stay afloat.
At last, I found the lighter, a minor win that felt way too strong, giving me a brief dopamine boost. The lighter zipped to life, sparking a flame bigger than what resided within me at the end of the cigarette as I inhaled. The paper crackled as it burned, sending the nicotine buzz down my throat and enhancing the alcohol’s effects. I leaned the lower half of my body against the dresser, holding out the bottle of rum to Valik. “Drink?”
Valik shook his head but then halted in mid-motion. “You know…fuck it,” he said, rising from his spot on the edge of the bed. “I’m too drained to return tonight. Might as well celebrate your seventeenth birthday with you.”
I snorted. “This is the most depressing birthday party you’ll ever attend.”
“Actually,” Valik argued before he tossed the bottle of rum back and guzzled several sips. “There was this one birthday I had when I turned three-hundred and thirty…” He waved off myshocked expression, realizing this man was far older than I ever gave him credit for. How oldwashe? “And I’d just lost my”—he cut himself off abruptly—“lost my home. I’d lost my home.”
I held his gaze, trying my best to keep my poker face intact. Gods, I fractured more by the minute. I wasn’t sure how much longer I’d keep this up. Between the grief, the drive to deplete again and feel that euphoric feeling that came with it, and now the loss of Gray, I wasn’t sure how much time I had left.
“I once went through something similar to what you are. The path ahead is dark and ugly, but you’ll make it through,” Valik assured me. Ancient wisdom shone in his green eyes. And I wanted to pick his brain for more information, but I wasn’t sure if now was the time.
“I only have one question,” I said, reaching for the neck of the rum bottle again and taking another deep swig.
Valik lifted his eyebrows, urging me forward.
I let the burn settle and inhaled another hit of the cigarette. The alcohol began to buzz through my veins, adding a slight balm to my darkness. When I met Valik’s eyes, it was like he knew what I was going to ask before I voiced it aloud, but I proceeded anyway.
Holding his gaze, hoping more than anything that he had the answer to my question, I asked, “Can you erase my memories?”
Chapter 37
Slate
The Land of the Lost was going to gain an influx of new arrivals tonight. Nestled in a cove of trees, the stone building remained relatively hidden behind the King’s Palace as we didn’t want to draw attention to our fallen’s sanctuary to the outside world.
Two days had passed since the “attack” on the Royal Domain, and Chrome was pronounced dead at the hands of the lost Elemental prince, Griffin Silas. Forest had been busy cleverly spreading lies to cover the truth while gaining the public’s support for a war with the Elementals.
After Onyx had filled me in on Chrome’s escape, I couldn’t stop imagining Chrome slaughtering our brethren in cold blood. My stomach sank at the thought that Chrome was in the Endarkening process.
Yesterday—his birthday—I’d received a text from an unknown number, and on an intuitive level, I knew it had been him. As usual, I didn’t push. I was genuinely grateful to know he was alive and safe for now, seeing as he was currently every Kinetic’snumber one target. And I was glad to know that I still had a way to contact him. I’d swore to myself and Amethyst that I’d give him a heads up every time the king sent a garrison of soldiers after him in the future, hoping to give him time to flee. A part of me wondered, though, if he would stay and kill them all instead, given what Onyx had told me.
And after Amethyst’s confession, I couldn’t fault him for what he’d been driven to do by the king and Grim. I doubted anyone would hang onto their humanity after what he’d been through. They forged him to be a weapon, but by pushing him too far, they’d rotated their blade around and pressed the razor tip against their own hearts. It was just a matter of time before he impaled them, getting his vengeance.
