“No,” he responds easily, glancing away, as if ashamed he even brought it up. The tension in my shoulders eases some. I’d intended to be sarcastic, but there was a nugget of something genuine in that question. He’s passing the test, so long as he keeps his word on that.
“She’s already been disgraced—cast from her guild, research support taken. I think she’s suffered enough.”Lost her happy family, as it were…“Anyway, let’s focus on what we have to do.”
He walks over and shoves on his own boots and gloves, then comes up beside me, adjusting his grip on the hammer before delivering a blow to the chunk of neck vertebrae still attached to the head. I narrowly avoid projectile goop. “I’m sorry for what they did to her.”
I pause mid-saw, staring at the chunk of bone I’m hacking in two rather than him. Lucan glances my way, I see it in my periphery, but I don’t turn to face him. I don’t want him to see my expression; he might read too much into it.
It was easier to not like you when I thought you were a Creed sycophant, I want to say.
My saw vibrates in my hand as I hit a particular hard piece of bone and is now wedged stuck. I yank on the handle, trying to wrestle it free.
“Do you want me to help?” Lucan straightens from his lastswing.
“I got it.”
He gestures at the bone above my saw. “Here, that’s the thickest part. Let me—”
“I said I got it.” I give him a firm look.
“What’s your problem?” Lucan rounds the massive head anyway. “Why are youstillfighting me when all I’m trying to do is help you?”
“Why are you helping me at all, though? You haven’t given me a good answer.” I grunt without making eye contact and try to force my saw through the thick knob of bone it’s stuck on.
“I told you: I like you.”
I willfully ignore that. “Is it for your father?”
“That man isnotmy father,” he says with enough venom that it startles me, even knowing more of his history since coming to the Tribunal. “How many times do I have to tell you: I will do what I have to, never because I want to screw with you.”
“I…” All of my warring thoughts silence me. The tidy tally Saipha and I made of pros and cons is a mess. “No matter what I tell myself, I can’t seem to move past the idea that I just can’t trust you!” I thrust forward, and the saw pops free. My grip slackens in the moment of surprise, and the handle slips from my fingers. The saw scuttles across the floor, skidding all the way to the back corner of the room. But instead of going after it, I lift my gaze to his. Neither of us move. “I can’t stop thinking you’re one ofthem.”
“Them?” His voice is low and quiet, and his brow furrows.
I realize I could have been referring to those cursed as easily as the Creed.
“One of the vicar’s mindless sycophants.” I look away. “I shouldn’t have said that.”
Lucan takes a step closer. I go to move around him, making for the saw. He catches my elbow, holding me. Not hard enough tomakeme stay, just enough to ask me to. Face-to-face, I’m struck by just how much taller he is than me. I can almost feel the bulk of his muscles, which I’ve been unable to ignore since Saipha so aptly pointed them out, straining against pulling me closer. For the first time, he feels like someone who could protect me, if I were to ever need it. Not because he’s of the Creed or can use sigils. Not even because he possesses power within Vinguard as the vicar’s son…but because he might also have the will.
It’s a dangerous fantasy that I try to kill as fast as it sparks to life in my mind.
“Why would me being one of ‘them’ matter? Don’t you trust the curates as Valor Reborn?” Lucan’s gaze roves over my face—my brow, my lips—as if he’s searching for a hint of a lie.
I swallow thickly and manage to say, “Of course I do.”
He narrows his eyes slightly, and the corners of his lips twitch, but I can’t tell if it’s with amusement or disapproval. “Say it like you mean it this time.”
“Excuse me?” My words are barely more than a whisper.
“That might work on the rest of them, but not on me. I see you, Isola, even the parts you wish I didn’t.” His gaze doesn’t waver. It’s as though he’s reading me like a scroll and he just got to the best part.
“Is that a threat?” My body is on edge. Breaths short. Never have I been studied like this before.
“If it was, you’d already be in trouble.” Lucan frowns as a flash of pain crosses his eyes. “You can trust me.Please, trust me.”
“I want to,” I whisper. “You’ve no idea how hard it is, being Valor Reborn. I don’t have people lining up to be my friend for the right reasons often. I thought you’d understand that as the vicar’s son. Maybe even understand me.”
“I do.”
