“I don’t think killing them is the way to stop the scourge,” I say.
“Then why go to Mercy?”
“Because I’m ‘Valor Reborn,’ and going there will keep me and my family safe.”
“So you don’t want to kill dragons,” he repeats like he’s trying to make sense of it.
“If Ihad to, I suppose I would.” In a way, I already have, six years ago. But it doesn’t feel like it counts—like nothing about that day was real. “But I don’twantto. I’m so weary of bloodshed and struggle. It shouldn’t have to be like this for any of us. There must be a better life than this. I don’t think a scourge of death will be solved with more death. I don’t think the solution to a curse we don’t even understand is killing our fellow citizens.”
His eyes shine in the fading light, and his tone is thoughtful. “It does strike me as noteworthy that you, out of all people, are the one who should be destined for Mercy…a woman with no interest in killing dragons.”
“Do you think me lesser for that?”
“I should.”
“But do you?” I press, not entirely sure why this means so much to me. My heart thunders in my chest as I bite my lip, wait for his answer.
“Not in the slightest. If anything, it makes me admire you more. It requires a lot of bravery to go against what you’re taught and told—to venture from the path others have set for you.”
His words immediately settle the unease in my shoulders.
But then he adds, “Though Vinguard isn’t a place where rebellion does particularly well.”
And I stiffen. Is that where my thoughts are leading me? Rebellion?
He stares out the window, over the city, gaze unfocused. It gives me an opportunity to study his profile…the strong bridge of his nose, the fullness of his lips and how they round into the pronounced curve of his chin. The setting sun highlights it all in a fiery orange, and for a moment, I find it hard to breathe. The golden outlines make me think of him at the Font, and my knees nearly give out at the memory.
Vinguard isn’t a place…My body feels like it’s lit up with Ether, every inch of me heated and alive. What is wrong with me?I’ve never been this distracted by…anyone.
He turns back to me and smiles—not smirks, or grins, or coyly regards me—just…smiles with pure fondness. The same fiery intensity that lights up the sky shines in his eyes. As if they are burning. As if that fire could incinerate me to the point there’s nothing left but ash. That same heat that threatened to burn me alive when we were just outside the Font. His hands all over me, holding me up, pressing me into his warmth.
Part of me feels I should be afraid. Terrified, even. My heart is racing…yet it’s not from fear.
Touch me, a voice within me whispers; it is entirely my own, yet a voice I’ve never heard before. It’s so sudden and unbidden, it freezes me in place. It’s confident. The demand of a womangrown, with desires and needs.I want him to touch me, and the second I realize it—admit it—I want it so bad, I ache all over. I want our clothes to be so thin they might as well be nothing. I want to feel my skin fusing with his again.
Fear immediately follows the revelation. But it’s not him that I’m afraid of. It’s me and what I want. Things I’ve never wanted before. Things I barely have names for.
Even though this voice of mine is a stranger to me, even though he cannot hear it, it’s as if he responds to it. His hands twitch. I can imagine him reaching for me. I can feel the pull of his grip on my hips. Imagine the taste of his lips on mine.
Lucan shifts away from the window, and my heart pounds even harder. If it keeps beating at this speed, it’s going to stop completely.
“You’re afraid.”
“How can you tell?”
Lucan lifts a hand, and I’m completely undone. There’s nothing else in the world but him and this singular movement. I know his touch is coming before it does, and yet it still ignites my entire body when just a few of his fingertips trace my jawline. His thumb rises over my chin, brushing against my lips ever so delicately. All his focus is consumed by me.
“It’s your lower lip.” His voice has dropped to a whisper, as if it’s hard for him to speak, too. “It quivers when you’re unsure or afraid. You try so hard to hide it. I don’t even know if you realize that you bite it half the time.” At the mention of me biting my lips, he licks his own. Never has a movement so small demanded so much attention, nearly to the point of obsession. “What are you afraid of right now?” he murmurs, eyes still locked on my mouth.
I feel like I’m melting. That I might explode like the Font, sending golden stars everywhere. “All of it,” I say. “Dragons, the Tribunal, failure, death.” His steady gaze never wavers as I fightto keep my breathing even. “But in this moment…” I continue, because I feel like if I stop now, I might never say it again. The words fight their way up from deep inside. “I think…I’m most afraid of you.”
“Of me?” Lucan sounds genuinely surprised.
“I don’t know what to believe when it comes to you,” I admit. My breaths are shallow, chest barely rising and falling. It feels as though the leather and cloth around my breasts have further constricted. Tight enough that all I want is release. Even my heart flutters, but, for once, it feels good. Exciting. I’m utterly lost, and I’ve no interest in being found.
“What do you want to believe?” he whispers.
“That, no matter what, you won’t hurt me—that you’re safe.” If he were to betray me—hurt me when he’s the first person I’ve ever dared to feel like this around? It would be too much to bear.
