The two brothers met eyes and exchanged an entire conversation with gestures, shrugs, nods, humming, and short grunts. It brought a small smile to her lips. She remembered the days of terrorizing her parents with Marcus using plans coordinated without a word. Corroborating alibis with mere glances to get each other out of trouble. The brothers’ presence in their group filled her with a sweet ache. For once, thoughts of Marcus weren’t agony, but an almost dreamy nostalgia. Good memories that she’d suppressed alongside the bad because she didn’t know how to untangle them from the trauma when thoughts of her brother returned to her.
“The most important thing,” Olivin began, “is that we stay together and I keep Yonlin safe.”
“I can look after myself,” Yonlin muttered, clearly offended.
Olivin continued as if his brother said nothing at all, “If I’m being honest, I don’t know if Meru is the safest place for us right now.”
“But your sister—” The words slipped from Eira’s lips before she could stop them. Olivin’s sudden fixation on his empty bowl at the mention of his family’s horror and shame had her hot with guilt at the omission.
Ultimately, he relaxed and said, “The moment I have the chance to go after her, I will.” He threw his arm around Yonlin’s shoulders. “But I almost lost Yonlin once because of her. I won’t risk losing him again.”
Even as certain as Olivin sounded, Eira saw his hesitation. The words were slightly strained. Movements tense. He meant what he said…but a part of him still yearned to go after Wynryright now, a part Eira understood all too well.
Thanks to Ferro, she knew what it was like to watch family die before your eyes and then what it felt like when the murderer walked free. Making any kind of real, long-term peace with that was an impossible emotional demand.
“However, with all that said…I don’t want to run forever. I will have my vengeance. If you are going back to Meru to fight the Pillars then I will fight at your side. If you are returning to Solaris, then we’ll seek to return to Meru before then.” Olivin folded and unfolded his hands. He seemed to be filled with eagerness at the prospect of finally evening the score with Wynry.
The mention of her home, and her plans, shifted Eira’s focus to her friends. “What are you three thinking? Back to Meru to fight, or Solaris for safety?”
Alyss surprised her when she said, “Or somewhere else entirely?”
“You don’t want to go back?”
Alyss settled her chin in her palm and tapped the table, staring at nothing. “It’s not that I don’twantto go back. More that I don’t think Ineedto go back yet. All my life, I have read stories and lived through the tales of others.” She dropped a hand to the satchel at her hip and pulled out a familiar notebook. “I am determined to write my own story now. And I feel like I won’t be able to do that if I spend my entire life in the comforts of everything I know.”
The discontent—the hunger for more—that Eira saw in Alyss in that moment was new, different, and filled her with pride. She didn’t want to linger on it and risk making her friend uncomfortable. But it was noted and warmed her from head to toe.
Instead, Eira turned to Noelle next. “And you?”
“I should think it’s obvious,” she said, “given that the man I am courting, however frustrating he might be in any given moment, is on this ship. I’m not going to leave until I know how things between us end.”
Alyss stared at Noelle as if she were the moon and stars. In a flurry of movement, eyes wide, Alyss had her journal open, furiously grabbing for a pen. Noelle tried to wrest it from her grasp.
“Don’t you dare!”
“But, Noelle, it was so beautiful!” Alyss objected with aching sentimentality. “How could you deny the next great storyteller such inspiration?”
“I am not your inspiration.” For all her annoyance, Noelle was still smirking with one corner of her mouth. If there was one thing Eira was fairly confident that Noelle would enjoy, it was the idea of being immortalized in some kind of written format regardless of how flattering or unflattering, or vulnerable, the portrayal might be.
“So, yes.” Noelle’s tone turned serious as she looked back to Eira. Alyss’s pen darted hastily over the page when Noelle’s gaze was off of her. “I don’t want to be gone from Solaris forever. It will always be my home and at some point Iwillneed to go back—or at least get word to my family so they know I’m all right. My father might slay me if I don’t return the rubies sooner over later. But, for now, I’m still seeing where the winds of destiny blow from, and am riding their currents.”
Alyss continued writing. Noelle was playfully batting at her hand and then correcting the notes, to, at the least, “get the quote right.” They both groaned and laughed at each other, bringing a smile to Eira’s lips.
One that was short-lived as she turned to Cullen. “And you?”
He was silent for a long minute, and when he finally went to speak, he had to clear his throat twice, as if it was hard for him to not only find but form the right words.
“I’ve given it some thought, and come to the conclusion that what Iwantto do and what Ishoulddo are two different things.” He clasped and unclasped his fingers. “Iwantto stay on this ship and sail past the edge of the map. I want to go into that distant unknown and feel these winds of destiny Noelle is speaking so eloquently of.”
“I am never saying anything again.” Noelle folded her arms in a mock pout as Alyss triumphantly scribbled.
Cullen chuckled, then continued. “But doing that would feel a lot like running. Running from who and what I’m supposed to be. I need to stop taking the easy way out and face these things head on, regardless of how uncomfortable it might be or how afraid of it I am.”
“Good for you,” Lavette said with an approving smile, stealing the words from Eira’s mouth. For the first time in a while, Lavette displayed what looked like genuine, outward warmth for Cullen. It was an expression of understandingshared between two people born and raised to assume the mantle of leadership. Something Eira might never be fully able to understand, and the streak of jealousy that arose at the notion surprised even her.
Eira forced the conversation to continue moving. “So you want to go back, then? To Solaris, or Meru?”
“I wouldn’t say Iwantto, but, like Noelle, I do think I have to, eventually. Or at least get word back to Solaris,” he said, still reluctant. “I need to go to Meru. I need to see if my father is alive. I can’t abandon him. Not to mention, it’d feel like a slight against Empress Vhalla if I didn’t try and help make things right after all she’s invested in me and taught me. I can’t abandon her, or her family, in their darkest hour.”
