“You wielded the words of the old ones with all the skill and might of a Duke of Faith. More than, even,” he says solemnly, almost reverently.
“Your arm.” I reach out, touching it lightly. The markings are warm under my fingertips. Liquid gold, like mine are. However, unlike mine, the magic lining his fades back into flat blue, white, and gold. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
“No.” Ilryth takes my hand in both of his. He holds me by my fingertips alone, but I feel like his arms are around my torso. That he’s crushing my body against his. When I look into his eyes, I hear the echo of the song that I made—that we made. Something that was unique only to the two of us. Powerful. “You…” A flash of pain rips though his eyes. He quickly puts his back to me. Once more, I wish I could hear all his thoughts and not just the ones he allows. “We should go. Even though that removed the wraiths in the immediate vicinity, there are still dangers.”
I grab his shoulders without another word. I’m too dazed to form cohesive thoughts. As we speed back, I wonder vaguely what memory I must have given up to save us at the wreckage. I wasn’t paying attention to plucking one of Charles. I try to think, but there are too many gaps now in my personal record of my history to know for sure.
* * *
We pauseon the other side of the Fade.
I slowly unravel my fingers from the death grip I had on his shoulders. Ilryth slows to a stop and we break apart. The anamnesis he lit earlier is little more than a flickering outline of what it once was. He crosses to it, reigniting the silvery foliage in the basin.
My own shimmering outline has slowly faded, completely vanishing as we crossed back into the realm of Midscape. I drift over to one of the pillars of this little altar that offers us a brief reprieve and press my forehead against the cool stone. My thoughts are jumbled. It feels as if someone stuck a fork into my mind and whipped my brain.
A familiar grip clasps my shoulder. “Are you all right?”
“My thoughts feel a bit scattered,” I admit.
“Once we return, we’ll give you a bit of a break from the anointing.” He sounds genuinely concerned.
I shake my head and push away. “I’ll be fine by then, I’m sure.” I force a brave smile. Once more, he doesn’t seem convinced. “What did I do to them? I know I wielded the hymns of the old ones, but what happened?”
“Once a soul has lost its way, and all the things that made it mortal are long gone, all that remains is a shell,” he says delicately. “Wraiths are husks of what they once were. They left the Abyss and cannot find their way back. Either through fading, or by force, they must be destroyed.”
Bubbles prick under the surface of my skin. Faint voices hum in the recesses of my mind. Voices I’ve never heard before, of people I’ve never known. They echo the sounds of the wraiths when I let out the burst of light. Jivre’s gratitude haunts me—the last of her humanity, spent on me.
“I killed them.” It’s an odd thought, as they were dead to begin with. “That burst of light… I killed them all. Didn’t I?” I look to Ilryth, hoping I have misunderstood. Hoping my analysis of his words is wrong. “Their souls are completely gone? Are you certain I didn’t send them to whatever is next?”
“There is nothing ‘next’ for a wraith but finality,” he says, gently but full of sorrow. Ilryth reaches out and places his hand on my cheek. My throat is thick. “You did them a kindness. An end, even a final one, is better than roaming the world as they were, torturing the living as they go. Bringing the rot with them as they spread Lord Krokan’s realm of the dead…only to dissipate when all their hate has been exhausted. You gave them a clean death. A moment where they could know humanity once more thanks to Lady Lellia’s magic within you, rather than dying as a monster. I know it’s what I would want, should such a fate ever befall me.”
I hang my head, shaking it slowly. “It’s not fair.”
“None of this is.” His tone is nothing but agreement. “It’s not fair that souls must suffer. That Lord Krokan has stopped honoring his bargain made with the first Elf King and escorting souls to the Beyond. That he rages and pillages our seas of life. That in his tortured state his realm bleeds into Lady Lellia, threatening to poison her as well. Nor is it fair that a sacrifice must be sent to him every five years on the summer solstice—an innocent woman who might give her life and have it mean nothing.”
I think of his mother. Ilryth watched her go through what I am. Watched her be anointed. Watched her memories be offered up, one by one, before her body was. Did she even recognize him in the end?Will I?
The pain that courses through me on his behalf is almost too great to bear.
“It won’t be for nothing,” I say softly. He startles. Before he can speak, I continue. “If—whenI go, I will do all I can to quell his rage. To be worthy.” If I’m ever worthy for one thing in my life, please, let it be this. “But even if I fail, it won’t mean nothing.”
He leans back slightly, straightening, as if he’s drawing a slow, deep breath. His brow turns in slightly at the center. My chest is tight in sympathy. I reach forward and grab both of his hands, trying to share in his pain—to prove to him that it’s really all right.
“It will be worth it to me just to try. Now that I know my family will be safe.” I pat the bag of silver that’s at my hip. “Trying to keep them all—and the Eversea—safe for eternity will be a good way to go. I’ve watched people die for a lot less.”
Ilryth’s eyes, as deep as the mysterious wood, dip closed. He releases the tension that’s built within us with a barely audible sigh, leans forward, and rests his forehead on mine. I can’t resist raising my chin slightly, on instinct, pulled by a fragile, tenuous thread. Our noses almost touch and, for a minute, we float in a stasis of our own making. The cool waters of the Gray Trench give way to the warmth of our bodies. Our fingers stay interlocked, neither of us willing to break this moment of connection—of comfort.
“Why are you so willing to give everything up so gracefully for people who will never know?” he murmurs. Had he spoke the words, I would’ve been able to feel his breath graze across my lips. He is that achingly close. “How can you be willing to give everything without a second thought?”
“I think I’ve had many second thoughts,” I quip. A low chuckle rumbles across the edges of my mind, drawing a smile across my lips. My tone turns serious once more. “Because, Ilryth, I’ve been a burden on so many people around me. Doing this—possibly, literally, saving our worlds—is the very least I can do.” Honesty comes with surprising ease.
“You are not a burden. I doubt you ever have been.”
“You clearly don’t know me.” I pull away slightly to meet his eyes as they flutter open, retreating from the almost inescapable pull of the moment before it got the better of me.
“I know you better than you think.” His voice is deep and full. Stare intense.
It’s too much for me to handle. This topic. The small flutter of my heartbeat. The undeniable want to kiss him in a way that would’ve consumed me whole.
