“Please, let me help you.”
Those five words almost have me at the point of breaking. “Help me?Help me like you took my life?”
“I gave you life. You would’ve drowned in that sea.” He is calm and patient in the face of my emotions, even when he has every right to snap.
“Only because you needed me to be a sacrifice!” It’s easier if he doesn’t care at all. If I’m nothing more than a thing to him. It’s more painless that way because it’s something I can comprehend. “And even then…you mocked me.”
“Mocked you?” He seems genuinely surprised and confused by the remark. It burns all the more when he asks, “How?”
“You told me I wouldn’t be held back. But all I’ve had is the illusion of freedom as I’ve grasped at straws, fighting futility for just a glimmer of happiness—a moment to live on my own terms…for me. I’ve had to keep running, and running, and running, or else it would all catch up.” My mask is crumbling. I can feel it on my face as my chin juts out slightly. My brow furrows. My cheeks tense and relax, unable to make up their minds. “And it was all an illusion, wasn’t it? If not him, then you. If not you, then your god. Surely I’m more than a thing to be claimed. That can’t be all there is for me…there must be more.”
“Victoria…” Ilryth’s eyes flutter closed. A pained expression crosses his features, as though he is mimicking mine.
I seethe. “You mock me.”
His eyes open and in them is all the sadness in the world. Enough to drown the seas. “I hear you.I feel youas though you are near even when we are oceans apart.” His hands run up my shoulders to cup my face. “So tell me, who is ‘he’?”
Every muscle in my body goes rigid. I am tense from head to toe. I can’t…
I won’t…
A fresh wave of nausea sweeps over me. I should be able to say it without fear—my ex-husband. I should be able to hold my head high. I am still the great Captain Victoria. No matter what I’ve been through in life…it doesn’t diminish what I have accomplished. I know that.
And yet…I can’t. I don’t understand why, even. And I hate myself all the more for it.
I’m still searching for a response when movement distracts me. There’s a familiar shadow—a silhouette I’ve seen on many a dark night. Her blonde hair has turned ashen in this ghostly form. Her green eyes have lost their luster.
“Jivre,” I whisper. Ilryth turns and makes a low noise of alarm. Of warning.
The shade of my former friend and first mate opens her mouth and lets out a dizzying howl.
CHAPTER21
“Jivre!”I shout, moving my hands in case she can’t hear my thoughts like the sirens can. “It’s me.”
“That is not your friend, Victoria,” Ilryth growls, pulling me close.
I know it’s not her…not as I knew her. But this is a fragment of who she was. Of a woman who was so near and dear to my heart. How could I—
Jivre lunges.
Ilryth spins. She’s nothing but mist, shadow, and the fading light of life. Ilryth stabs his spear forward, straight into her gut.
My first mate’s fingers close around it. She howls again, gnashing teeth. The illumination at the tip of his spear grows as Ilryth sings.
“Please, Jivre, this isn’t you. I’m sorry.” My hands move as fast as my thoughts.
She’s gone with a burst of light.
I blink away the blue haze of where she just was. The dancing lights aren’t even gone from my eyes before I slam into Ilryth. “How dare you! She—”
“She was a wraith.” Ilryth catches both my wrists. One grip is halfway and awkward as he still holds his spear. It digs into my skin and I feel it more keenly than the water or even his fingers around my other hand. “That wasn’t the woman you knew. She would’ve tried to steal your soul from your body and replace it with her own if you’d given her the chance.”
I manage the slightest of nods. Shock and horror are numbing my senses. I am reverting to what I came here to do. Nothing more. Nothing less.
“I need to get the silver. I had a whole crew; there will be more wraiths.” If Jivre could be one of those things…any of them could be.
“I’ll keep an eye out. Move quickly.” Ilryth swims away, trusting me to do what must be done despite my earlier faltering.
