Then, we finally arrive at my ship.
Even shattered and broken, I know it in an instant, and everything grinds to a halt the moment I lay my eyes upon it. Ilryth still moves beneath me. I can still—albeit barely now—feel the water against my face. But everything within me freezes.
The vessel has been cleaved in two by the mighty tentacles of Krokan’s emissary. The stern has been reduced completely to pieces, most of it missing. The bow is hole-ridden and cracked, but at least resembles its former glory.
I want to weep. I want to howl, clutch my gut, and emit screams of my grief. No person should be made to look upon the innards of the tomb of their loved ones. It is as if I am staring into the eyes of Death himself and he is mocking me.
It is because of me that they’re dead.
“No, it is because of a raging god,” Ilryth says solemnly.
“Why is the shell no longer helping to conceal my thoughts?” I blurt, frustrated its protection seems to have vanished.
“Perhaps because we’re in the Natural World. Or perhaps because…I am closer to you than before.”
Horror seizes me. This can’t be happening. Especially not here and now. “What do you mean?”
“We’ve sung together.”
I keep in a sigh of relief. “Of course that’s all it is.”
Ilryth twists, holding me by the shoulders. He looks me in the eyes. “You know this wasn’t your fault, don’t you?”
“I… We need to keep going.”
He stops me from swimming away. “Victoria, look at me.”
I relent, but only to get us to move along.
“You know that, right?”
“I do.”
“If only you said it like you meant it.”
“Look at it!” My voice pitches, sharpening. “My ship is wrecked. My crew is dead. They followed me because they believed in me. They stood by my side for me. And what did they get for it? A cruel, painful, horrifying death.”
“No. Their death was fate’s hand. What they got from you was years of companionship.” Ilryth’s lips part slightly and he seems to be bracing himself. “A life at the side of a woman of your caliber would be a life well lived.”
“We have to keep going,” I say. His words are under my skin, hooking into me and flooding the freeze I’ve tried to put on my emotions with warmth.
“Not until you—”
“This isn’t the time!”
Ilryth’s face scrunches in an expression of frustration and disgust. He looks between me, the wreckage, and the deadly water surrounding us. “You’re right. But whenever you are ready to—want to discuss what you’ve endured…I will be here for you.”
He has no idea what I’ve been through. But that’s all right. He doesn’t have to.
People say they’ll be there…but so few can be trusted when the time comes. People are happy to be there for you until things are tough and messy and hard. Especially when it’s a mess they can walk away from.
Ilryth has been kind to me. But what he’s offering is not what our relationship is. What it could ever be. I’m his sacrifice. And he is nothing more to me than a business partner. That was the only thing that brought us together and soon it will be over…which will be for the best, for both of us.
“I’m fine,” I say warmly, even giving him an easy smile. The trick is making it not look too forced. And getting the tone just right.
So I’m all the more surprised when he turns out to be one of the select few who see through it. “You’re not.”
“Ilryth—”
