Stillness overtakes him. His wide eyes stare at nothing. The man looks as though he has been stabbed in the gut.
I swim over to him and place my palms on his chest. The contact of his skin fills my mind with notes that burst like bubbles on a summer’s day. A symphony of sound and delight.
“Do not look so disappointed…we only have a few days left. Let’s enjoy them, together, as we have been,” I say, leaning up to kiss him.
Ilryth takes my hands on his chest, holding them, but he pulls his face away. He doesn’t allow me to kiss him. His eyes redden slightly. The fins of his tail go limp.
“Why…are you going through with this sacrifice?” The question has a slight tremble to it.
“Because it is my honor to be the offering for Lord Krokan,” I say. “The hymn commands it.”
“Is there any other reason?” He releases my hands to grab my shoulders. Ilryth’s stare is intense. He’s desperate for something that I don’t know if I can give.
“Why would there need to be another reason?”
His grip slackens some. “Nothing else compels you other than the hymn of the old gods?”
I slowly shake my head. He releases me and his warmth retreats with him. I dash over, trying to catch him. Trying to pull him back to me. I don’t want this to end. I don’t want to lose him. He’s the last thing I have that I know is mine, and the thought dredges up panic that feels like it belongs to a wholly different person.
“Wait, are you leaving?”
“Yes.”
“But you…but we…”
“Not tonight.” The sad smile has returned. He sees my confusion and leans forward, placing a soft kiss on my forehead. With a sigh, he hunches over me. His thoughts are fraying at the edges. “I cannot lie with a woman who has lost her sense of self.”
“I know who I am,” I insist. “I am Victoria.”
“Where did you live before the Eversea, Victoria?” he asks. I don’t have an answer. “Where did you grow up?” Still, no answer. “Who were your parents? Your siblings?”
I pull away slightly to look up at him. Why is he doing this? These questions are filling me with panic. I can feel shadows clawing at the walls of my mind, begging release. Begging for clarity to dawn upon them and bring them back into focus.
“You might know your name, but you’ve lost all of who you are, and I…”
I hang on the word. I lean closer, as if maybe I can steal one more kiss. I need it desperately.
“I love you,” he whispers softly. “I love you too much to kiss you, to have you, if your mind isn’t with me.”
“I know what I’m doing.”
“Yes, but I can’t help but wonder if your choices would be different, should you still possess every facet of yourself. I…I don’t want this version of you,” he admits, and I can hear how painful it is to do so. “I want the woman I fell in love with.”
“Ilryth—”
“It’s time to let this go. Forget me, Victoria.” He leans in and kisses me one last time. It’s goodbye.
CHAPTER39
I sit on the balcony,singing my song. My body thrums with the words of old gods. Markings upon my flesh shine in the sunlight filtered through rot.
A young woman comes to me with fair hair and sad eyes. She checks my anointing in silence. But, before she leaves, she asks, “Have you seen Ilryth lately? He hasn’t been showing up to his meetings as expected.”
My brow furrows. “Who?”
CHAPTER40
The day has finally arrived.
