“And mine.”
“Please, don’t.” I will them to stop, but they don’t listen.
“And mine,” another says with his hands.
One by one, my crew offers me their portions of the profits from our most dangerous run. All of them. My vision is blurry and eyes stinging as the last one’s hands settle. My gut feels as if it’s been hollowed out to make room for all the guilt I feel.
“If the whole crew pitches in our shares for this run, that should get you close, shouldn’t it?” Jivre asks me.
“It would be immensely helpful.” I am grateful for my hands when I know my words would fail me if they had to be spoken. If I kept all of my share, and theirs, it’d get me almost two thirds of the way. Maybe three fourths, depending on how much silver there actually is. Still, woefully short. But suddenly the impossible amount seems attainable. “But what about all of you? I can’t take what you need.”
“We’ll be fine.”
The crew nods in agreement with Jivre.
“We owe this to you. You made sure Jork had the medicine for his girl. You got Honey out of that awful prison.”
“And let’s not forget how many times you’ve had your father clear our bar tab,” Sorrea says with graceful movements of her hands.
If anyone owes anyone anything here…I’m the one who owes them.
“Let us do this for you.” Jivre turns her eyes back to me. “Rely on us for once. And when we’ve returned, we’ll all figure out how to get the rest. Together. Who knows, maybe we’ll raise enough that there’ll be some left over for you to go on a holiday with Emily.”
I tip my head back and blink up at the sky. I can’t cry, I’m their strong and stoic captain. But it has been a long, long day. And I am worn down.
A holiday with Emily…if only. There’s so much I should have done for her when I had the chance. Donewithher. Done for all of them. If I was going to owe Charles an ungodly sum, I should have just been late on payments so Emily could have new dresses. I should have taken my mother on more sailings and Father out to more dinners so he could sample more dishes and get new ideas for his own recipes. I should have stayed out later with my crew and learned more of their stories.
Now I’m out of time. But there’s still one more run ahead of me. One last thing I must do before I am consigned to oblivion.
“Thank you all,” I say, emphasizing each motion in the hope that they can feel my sincerity.
The crew disperses and I watch them go about their business. My shoulders sag with the weight of their lives. I’ve tried to take care of them as best I could—like they were my own family. Was it enough?
Shaking my head, I return to my cabin. It is a small thing, by most captains’ standards. But I don’t make money off of my living space. I make it off of my crew and cargo, so I made sure the ship I would be sailing on reflected that. My crew has as many amenities as I can afford them.
Still, as cramped as it might be, it is and has always been mine. Blissfully, entirely mine.
Just over three years of living here has cluttered it with dozens of tokens and baubles I’ve collected in my journeys. There’s a box of incense on the shelf from the craftsmen in Lanton. A jar of herbs for sea sickness—almost empty—procured from a young but particularly talented herbalist who had just finished her schooling and opened her shop in Capton when I sailed through. There are candies from Harsham, the closest city to the strange walled town to the south that always orders more silver than the mines can produce. And a rare, framed stained glass from the plains regions near the dark forests of the fae, given to me as a gift from my boss during one of his famous parties.
“Every corner of land and sea shall open to you,” I murmur, paraphrasing the words I heard that night. They’re as etched on my memory as the markings on my skin. I’ve never had any trouble going anywhere. I’ve never encountered a burden, a wall, or a gate I couldn’t overcome.
Except forone.
There’s one tie, one tether that holds me back. That continues calling to me with shouts and screams and ominous silence. One that has alarm bells chiming violently in my mind, louder than the lighthouse bell that tolls across the waters of Dennow.
But that tie has finally been undone. It’s over.You can let him go, Victoria.
No, not yet… I still must pay the price of my freedom before I’m gone.
None of them know I’m going to leave soon. I never could bring myself to tell anyone, not even Emily. If so much as a whisper made it out, my family would be at risk. I already dealt with Charles’s rumors of my being in league with sirens once. The last thing I can risk is a second time. I’ve already caused them too much risk and heartache.
Am I loathsome for keeping it from them? Does it make me a bad daughter? Sister? Friend?
The questions weigh heavy on my mind. Heavier than they ever have before. The hammock sags underneath me, swaying with the rocking of the ship.
Was I a fool for ending things with Charles?No, I had to. If not for me, then to protect my family… But what would’ve been if I’d never started things with him in the first place? That might be the greatest question of my life…what little remains of it.
Would I have begun my adventures earlier? Would I have unlocked the great secrets of the world, untethered and free? Would I have found my one true love like Emily’s stories?
