She sighed. “Me too. And, if I’m being honest, I was careless with my own heart. I have to share in the blame where it falls to me. So while I’m being honest, I’ll also say, I know that telling you yes, I will forgive you, would make all this easier to move past. It would be easier to play pretend, then. But it would be dishonest, and dishonesty was what got us in this position in the first place.”
He bit his lip, eyes shining. The tiny pieces of her heart could still be broken, it seemed. She still loved him more than what she wanted. More than what she could ever admit to him or herself from now on. But it changed nothing. He was still promised to another. He was headed for fancy, rumor-worthy weddings and political life, taking center stage, honoring his noble family. And she…
Eira didn’t know where she was headed yet. But it wasn’tthere. She was too steeped in shadow for that. Part of her doubted if she would ever be able to go back to Solaris at all. Her family was fractured. Her name? Tainted. What honestly remained for her in the land she’d grown up in?
“Is there something more I can do?”
“Give me some time, and space when I need it,” Eira said firmly, but not harshly. He needed to know that if he pushed her, it was likely to have the reverse effect from what he wanted.
“I understand.” Hopefully he did.
Eira opened the door. She halted when she realized he hadn’t moved. Cullen stood still, half turned from her, looking up.
“Are you coming?” she asked.
“I’m already dressed for the opening ceremonies. I think I’ll stay out here for a bit longer.” He didn’t look at her as he spoke and instead stared up at the sky. His voice wavered slightly. His cheeks were already damp.
Leaving him felt wrong. She had to physically force herself to step away. To not take him into her arms and hold him as he cried.
6
Readying herself for the tournament was easier than Eira expected. Alyss and Noelle were eager to help her since they were “mostly finished” themselves. Yet, still, somehow she was done before them. Feeling somewhat guilty for monopolizing their time, Eira excused herself and headed downstairs.
Sapphires from the southwest mountains were pinned throughout Eira’s hair like gold-encrusted dewdrops. Rubies from the mines south of Norin adorned her fingers. Every kingdom would be wearing what their major export would be in the Treaty of Five Kingdoms and it seemed that what Solaris had most to offer to the rest of the world was its shiny objects.
Each step was harder than the last knowing that she was going to face Cullen again. He sat on one of the benches in the common room, his back leaned against the table. But he was on his feet the moment he saw her.
“You look exceptional.”
“My tunic is a bit bright in comparison to yours.” Her garb was a sharp cerulean, his a deep violet. Eira made it a point to focus on their clothes and avoid commenting on how flattering his outfit was on him. Or any of the other topics that were stillfresh in her mind, no doubt his as well, and were very much off-limits now.
“Everyone else’s is also. Darkening mine a bit was my father’s choice.”
“He makes a lot of choices for you, doesn’t he?” Eira blurted before she could stop herself.
Pain flashed through Cullen’s eyes but he forced laughter. “If he’s going to, it’s good he at least has some fashion sense, right?”
“Right.” She usually wouldn’t agree. But, this time, the shoe fit. Not to mention, she appreciated that he was making the effort to roll with the punches, rather than letting the awkward moment hang.
Alyss and Noelle were down shortly thereafter and the four of them emerged from their house as the unified team they needed to be, gem encrusted and into the late afternoon light. The queen’s attendants had lined up down the central road of Champion Village, shepherding the champions into their places between them. In the front of each kingdom’s house were three attendants, one holding the flag of that kingdom, two with baskets of flowers. Behind every group of champions was a band of drummers, pan pipers, and trumpeters.
As they took their spots, Eira scanned the faces of every attendant, trying to commit them to memory. She needed to do her best to keep track as much as possible of the people coming in and out of the village. Her attentiveness allowed her to spot Deneya well before the woman saw her.So, the Head Specter had decided to come out after all. Eira assumed it to mean that the Court of Shadows also assumed Ulvarth would be here—at least, she hoped it did. It didn’t take long before Deneya expectedly approached them.
“Solaris,” she said, somewhat brisk.
Her eyes traveled over every one of them. But ultimately they landed on Eira. It had only been a day since they had last seeneach other, but it felt like a lifetime. Everything had changed in such a short period of time that Eira no longer felt like she really knew the woman before her.
Eira fought to resist outright asking if Deneya’s presence meant that the Court of Shadows were actively operating at the tournament. Or if Deneya was just here as part of her public persona—a knight of Queen Lumeria. It could also be Crown Princess Vi who had sent her to look after Solaris, in addition to Meru. For the first time, Eira almost pitied Deneya. She had the illusion of power as a Specter of the Court of Shadows, but she was really just a puppet for higher powers.
“I trust you have everything you need?” Deneya asked.
“Yes, our accommodations are comfortable enough,” Cullen said.
“Speak for yourself,” Noelle muttered.
Deneya must have heard the remark; Noelle wasn’t exactly good at being subtle with her opinions. But Deneya made no comments about it. Instead, her eyes drifted over to Eira once again. Her stare almost felt like dozens of tiny needles trying to wedge themselves underneath her cheeks to pry secrets from her lips. Eira closed her mouth tighter, locking her jaw.
“I trust you all will try to avoid problems.” Deneya hardly even bothered to keep up the appearance that she was addressing the group.
