“I needed to mislead you as to your true purpose here on Meru,” Vi admitted plainly. Eira was stunned to silence. “Welong since came to the conclusion that if we pursued Ulvarth with all the might of the Court of Shadows, he’d retreat back into whatever hole he’d hidden in for years. He is a frustratingly patient man and we didn’t want him to slip away again. He’d be expecting us to come after him and for that reason we couldn’t. We couldn’t even allow the majority of those who risked their lives for us to know or we’d risk losing him.”
“You used me,” Eira realized with a whisper. She’d been bait for a lot longer than the ball.
“Ferro had taken an interest in you and that became our opportunity—a way in that we didn’t have before with someone who they didn’t see as associated with the Court of Shadows. Moreover, he made this fight personal for you. I knew if I let you run around unchecked for long enough, you’d manage to lure Ulvarth out of whatever hole he’d hidden in, or cause him to panic and make a mistake…or uncover the truth on your own. It didn’t matter which.
“We also realized quickly that you were the type to fight even harder whenever you were pushed away. By not allowing you to get too close, we ensured that you worked all the more for us. It also had the benefit of, if we were compromised, you didn’t seem too trusted by the Court of Shadows. After they had proof of you working with us from that night they attacked the court, we had to push you away even farther to keep up the ruse. Ulvarth might not have gone after you so readily if he believed we stood behind you.”
Eira’s toes were numb, fingers tingled, her heartbeat was in her ears causing hot blood to rush to her head. The world tilted and spun backward. She was back on the ship—no, before, in the halls with Deneya.
She’d suggested to Deneya at one point, when they’d first met, that Ferro might have sent her. That signaled to Deneya that Eira was somehow involved with Ferro. Deneya was alreadythere to watch Ferro; she’d told Eira as much after Marcus’s death. She’d agreed to allow Eira to join the Court of Shadows to ensure Eira would keep coming back to her after the trip to Meru might have otherwise kept them at a distance.
Then on the ship, Deneya had allowed Eira to chase after the ghost ship she’d thought was Adela. Like a rabbit chasing after a carrot, Eira had run into danger for them. They’d let her seem,be, reckless. Too erratic for the court to really be involved in her movements.
How could she have really thought that the Court of Shadows didn’t know she was following Ducot the night she was captured? Given Olivin’s illusionary skills, perhaps he was the one to follow her, reporting back to the Specters. Every step fell into place, Vi, Taavin, and Deneya looming over, watching, pushing her on the path they needed her to walk without Eira seeing.
“I could’ve died,” she whispered.
Vi glanced askance. “We are all flirting with death, even now.”
“No. You…youlet meget captured by them.”
Vi rose to her feet. Imposing. “I did not. Had I known you were going to be captured that night, I would’ve put a stop to it. I never meant for it to go so far.”
“It doesn’t change the danger you allowed me to be in!”
“Dangers you asked for,” Vi said coolly. The only part of her that seemed to have genuine emotion were her eyes. They were aflame, burning with rage and frustration that didn’t seem directed at Eira. “You could’ve died, but you didn’t. You chose to take your life in your hands that night and you continue to make that choice day after day.”
Eira staggered slightly. The princess was right. At any point…Eira could’ve stopped. Her friends were practically begging herto. But she persisted. Even now, with all she knew. Hearing this right from the princess’s mouth. She wasn’t going to stop.
“Would you have been all right if they killed me?” Eira whispered. “Did you ever feel guilt at letting me be the unknowing bait in your plot?”
Vi sighed heavily. She hung her head and ran her fingertips over the desk in front of her. For the first time ever, she exuded outright uncertainty. The untouchable princess was gone. She was human.
“I did—I do. With you and with everyone I am responsible for. Everyone who follows my orders, be it in the Shadows, or Knights, or something else entirely,” Vi said softly.
“Not enough to stop.”
“I do not have the luxury of stopping, Eira. I am the crown princess of Solaris. I am—” Vi stopped herself short. Eira had a feeling that what she said next, after composing herself, wasn’t what she’d intended. “I am responsible for both the good decisions, and the bad ones. As a leader, I have to make sacrifices I don’t always want to make.” Her eyes were distant as she spoke, haunted.
“Was Marcus a noble sacrifice?” Eira asked coolly.
“He should have never been involved.” Vi shook her head, hanging it slightly. She looked suddenly very tired. “None of the Tower apprentices should have been. But sometimes there are things we can’t avoid.”
“My brother was more than an inconvenience!”
“Eira…” Olivin said softly. He was ignored by them all. But his tone betrayed a sympathy that almost broke her.
“You all stood by and watched him die.”Just like I did. The words still burned her soul. No matter how much time passed, or how much peace she made with the events of that fateful night, she would never forget the sight of Marcus slipping away from her grasp.
“If I could’ve done something to stop it, I would have. If I had known that sorcerers from the Tower would die, we would’ve killed Ferro and damned the consequences,” Vi said firmly. It vaguely registered to Eira that Vi wasn’t even on the same continent when Marcus died. But she couldn’t stop herself from throwing blame at the princess’s feet. It all rolled up to her, didn’t it?
“But you’re still telling me, after all that, you could just stand by and watch as I get myself killed?” Eira didn’t believe it. She couldn’t. They weren’t that heartless.
“You have no idea the things I’ve had tostand by and watch.” The way the princess said those words had the grip of Eira’s rage slackening its hold on her. Vi’s eyes were two cold, dark voids. They looked as if they had seen the entire world begin and end with everything between. They didn’t look like the eyes of a princess—they looked like the eyes of a goddess. Distant from the world of mortal men.
“I still…can’t…” Eira’s words trailed off as she struggled to find the right ones and came up short. What couldn’t she do? Understand the reasoning behind the princess’s choices? But part of her could. It was the same part that had resolved to do whatever it took to end Ulvarth, to make the sacrifice if no one else was willing and so no one else had to.
Hard times called for hard choices and wills of cold steel to make them.
