“Yeah…” Eira sighed. She had hidden too many secrets from her friend. The longer she kept them, the deeper the chasm became. She had to let something out or the damage might be irreversible when the inevitable exposure came to pass. “I broke my promise to you.”
“What?” Alyss looked up from her seal.
“I promised you, months ago, that I wouldn’t go back to that secret room in the Tower alone.”
“But you did,” Alyss finished after a long silence.
“Yeah, I did.” Eira hung her head, unable to bear Alyss’s look of disappointment.
“You know I’m just trying to look out for you, right? That room worried me. I’m not trying to be mean or imposing or controlling.”
“Marcus was trying to look out for me, too. And where did that land him?” Eira murmured.
“Eira—”
“Dead,” Eira answered her own question.
Alyss grabbed her hand tightly, sculpture forgotten. “He died because of the actions of a wicked, evil man. Not because of you. You can’t blame yourself.”
Eira stared at the sunlight shimmering off the river. In a blink, her mind was under that water, trapped, pulled down by invisible hands. She was back in that night. She would escape, but Marcus wouldn’t. He would be claimed by those depths.
“It was more my fault than you know,” Eira said softly. She could think of about a thousand things she wished she’d done differently. Any of them might have resulted in Marcus being alive.
“Stop saying that; it’s not good for you.”
Eira shook her head and stood. “I’m going back to my room.”
“You’re here to be a competitor.” Alyss stood as well, stepping in her way. “You fought to be here. Marcus would want you to seize this opportunity—a chance you’ve dreamed about for years. Speak with the elfin. Learn about the land of the draconi. Don’t waste this whole time before the tournament starts holing up in your room.”
“Thanks, Alyss. I’ll think about all that.” Eira just patted her friend’s shoulder and retreated, determined to ignore everything Alyss had just said.
* * *
The next day, just before dinner, there was a knock on her door. Eira sighed and stood from the bed. She’d been hoping they would leave without her, then Ducot would show up, and they’d have some kind of lead from the Court of Shadows. It had barely been two whole days since Deneya had put her on standby, and waiting for orders was already beginning to drive her mad.
Eira expected Alyss to be waiting on her, but found Cullen instead.
“May I come in?”
“Sure.” She shrugged and stepped aside. But what she really wanted to do was stand in the doorway and demand,What do you want?
“Alyss is worried about you.” He didn’t waste any time.
Eira resisted rolling her eyes. “I’m certain you’re all finding things to occupy your days with rather than just wallowing in worry for me.”
“We are capable of both worrying about youandoccupying our hours with more than shutting ourselves in our room.” He grinned briefly, and then his mouth tugged into a frown again. “Eira…I’mworried about you.”
“So you’ve said.” Eira wrapped her arms around herself and crossed to her window. “I’m fine, really.”
“I don’t believe that.” The severity of his voice gave it a low rumble that made her ache. But Eira didn’t know what she was aching for. The security of his arms once more? Since when did Cullen occupy that place in her mind as someone safe? As someone she wanted to seek out?
Eira bit her lip, grateful that he couldn’t see her expression.
“Why do you doubt me so much?” His voice grew louder as he approached. The air itself was different around him. The currents his magic rode on could be felt, projected into the world, whereas her currents lived within her. Drowning her with power that had no outlet. “You’ve been distant since the moment we left Solarin.”
“I have not.”
He came to a stop just behind her. “Every time I draw near, you creep farther away.”
