CHAPTERSIXTEEN
MERRY
I kissed Marcus.
There was nothing else I could do. Or wanted to do anyway.
For a man who didn't say much, he used the right words when he did speak.
The craziest thing of all is that he was kissing me back. He didn't pull away or gently explain to me that I misunderstood his feelings.
No, his arms pulled me closer until I was draped across his lap. I sank into the kiss, letting go of everything else. The stress of the day, the fear that had dogged me for months, and the wariness I'd used to keep distance between us.
When his mouth moved to my throat, I let my head fall back. He hadn't been lying when he said that a vampire's bite only hurt when they wanted it to. Earlier, I'd been frightened by the way my body responded to his mouth on my wrist.
Not because it hurt or was uncomfortable, but because it wasn't. It was pleasure. Bliss.
His lips touched the base of my throat, where my pulse throbbed, and a ragged sigh escaped my lips.
Somehow, that tiny sound seemed to wake Marcus up because he lifted his head and looked down at me.
His blue eyes glowed with unearthly light, brilliant and hot. I could see the edges of his fangs as he spoke.
"This is a horrible idea," he said.
Okay, scratch the thought I had before about him saying the right things when he spoke.
I sat up and stared at him in disbelief. "Really? Kissing me is a horrible idea?"
I started to get to my feet, but his hand touched my arm and I found myself settling back down next to him.
"That's...it's just that...I mean...that's not what I meant," he finally said.
Any other time in my life, I would have backed down from this. I wouldn't have confronted him. I wouldn't have done anything to make either of us uncomfortable.
But not this time.
I wanted to know why.
"Then what did you mean?" I asked.
He turned toward me, lifting one leg on the bed, effectively putting more space between us. Oh, poor vampire, he must have been afraid I'd throw myself at him again.
"Only that I don't want you to regret this and I think you would. Bonding is a strong experience, whether it's between a vampire and human or two vampires. It can create...a desire to be closer. To repeat the experience on a regular basis, which only strengthens the bond with each one. I don't want you to wake up tomorrow and realize that you made this decision when you weren't quite yourself."
Okay, so that was a decent explanation, but also a load of bullshit because I was fully aware of my own thoughts and feelings. Not in some fog of lust because he'd bitten me once and now I was dying for more. While he was feeding from me and when he'd given me the small amount of his blood, I'd felt the bond snap into place. I couldn't hear his thoughts, but I knew that he felt the same attraction I did. I could feel it, like the tolling of a bell.
"You think this is a byproduct of the bond and has nothing to do with my real emotions or thoughts?" I asked.
He shook his head. "I don't know and that's what worries me. I'm blocking the bond right now so neither of us is feeling its full effects."
"Well, I hate to burst your bubble," I said. "But I have had my thoughts controlled before and that's not what's happening here. I kissed you because I wanted to. Because, in spite of everything that's happened to me, I like you." This time, when I got to my feet, he let me go. "But I'm not going to force the issue. I don't want you to have regrets in the morning."
Maybe it was petty of me to throw those words back at him, but he'd essentially implied that I wasn't capable enough to decide my own emotions or thoughts right now and that stung like a pissed-off wasp.
Marcus gaped at me as I walked to his door, through it, and closed it behind me.
I went into my own room, shut the door behind me, and tried not to groan. Even with all the doors and walls between us, Marcus would hear me and I wouldn't give him the satisfaction.
