"Nice to meet you, Marcus. I have to go now. I'm, uh, late."
Then, I scurried away. I swore I could feel his eyes on my back, but I didn't look over my shoulder. I couldn't.
I ditched the idea of healthy snacks and made a beeline for the self-checkout at the front of the store. In less than five minutes, I was back on the street and almost jogging back to the hotel.
The heat in my cheeks didn't begin to fade until I was back inside my room with the door securely locked behind me.
I dropped the grocery bags on the desk and threw myself backward on the bed with a groan.
"What in the hell is wrong with me?" I scrubbed my hands over my face. "I meet a cute guy and lose all ability to speak."
I pressed my palms to my eyes and sighed. I'd always been awkward around men, but things had gotten worse after Rhiannon and her companion had found me. They'd both looked so normal.
In terms of real time, they hadn't held me hostage for very long. Only five days.
But it felt like a lifetime then.
Now, it was nearly impossible for me to trust people.
Rhiannon and Caleb hadn't looked like monsters, but that was exactly what they were. They'd captured me and forced me to do things. And Caleb had fed from me.
Based on lore, I'd assumed vampires fed solely on blood, but he didn't. When he fed from me, I could feel my life seeping away, a year, a month, a minute at a time. It hurt so much. In those excruciating moments, he had the ultimate power over me. Over my life and my death.
I was powerless to stop him from taking my life.
My chest hurt at the memory and I realized I wasn't breathing.
Air rushed out of my mouth with a whoosh and I inhaled—slow, steady, and controlled.
If I didn't handle this now, a panic attack was my next stop and I had to avoid it. I couldn't afford to be weak or vulnerable right now.
This was why I couldn't talk to the gorgeous Marcus with his muscles and bright blue eyes. My mind was still a mess from what had happened last year and I couldn't talk to anyone about it. At best, no one would believe me. At worst, I would end up in a hospital for a psychiatric evaluation.
So, I was on my own.
I was used to it. I'd been alone since my parents died right after I graduated college. I was their only child.
I'd never been a social butterfly, so I didn't have many friends either. Essentially, I'd been alone for most of my adult life.
Sure, I was lonely sometimes, but I'd never understood how isolated I truly was until now.
Tears gathered at the corners of my eyes as I struggled to control my breathing, to keep the panic at bay.
I focused on the next breath. Then, the next. One breath at a time.
It hurt a little less with each inhale.
My current situation was painful, but I wanted to survive more than anything.
I wouldn't stop. I wouldn't give up.
I finally understood that I'd been living half a life for a very long time and I wanted more.
I wanted to savor each day, to enjoy the places and people around me.
I no longer wanted to exist. I wanted tolive.
As I exhaled on a hiss, I wondered that if instead of running maybe I would be better off figuring out where Rhiannon was and what she was up to. She might be a witch, but she still needed money, food, and shelter to survive. Unless she'd found another programmer like me, I doubted she'd done anything else to hide her assets.
