I had to laugh. She was right. I would be examined a lot over the next six to seven months.
After a thankfully quick exam, which J.J. didn't see much of due to the blanket over my upper thighs, Dr. Stubens scooted back on her rolling stool and went over to the sink.
"Help her sit up, J.J.," she commanded as she stripped off her latex gloves and began washing her hands.
When she was done, she faced us. "Everything appears to be developing well based on the exam but I would like to do an ultrasound today just to be sure. It will also give us a more definite due date. While we're in the ultrasound room, I'll also use the Doppler so you can hear the baby's heartbeat."
"You can hear it this early?" J.J. asked.
Dr. Stubens nodded. "Would you like to hear it?"
His smile was answer enough.
A few minutes later, we were in a dim room, surrounded by machines and screens.
Dr. Stubens was standing over me with a small box in her hand. A cord was attached to the box and there was a narrow contraption on the end of it that she was holding against my lower belly. Though she'd pulled my gown up, she carefully draped the blanket over my lower half.
I struggled not to make a face as she moved the little attachment against my skin, which she'd smeared with gel. The slimy feel of the gel was off-putting.
"Okay, here we go," she murmured.
The machine made a few weird noises, loud enough to make me jump, before a fast whooshing noise came out of the speaker. J.J. stood next to the table, his eyes glued to where the machine touched my skin.
"There you go. That's the baby's heart." Dr. Stubens smiled. "It's a quick one." She leaned toward me and said conspiratorially, "That usually means it's a girl, but don't take that as golden, okay?"
I nodded and bit my lip, tears forming in my eyes. Dr. Stubens seemed to take that as a reply and looked toward J.J.
"Wow," J.J. murmured.
I looked up at him when he spoke. He sounded awed, as if he couldn't believe what he was hearing.
"That's amazing," he continued. His hand found mine and squeezed before he looked from my belly to my face. "That's our baby."
The amazement in his eyes was what did it. His excitement and joy in hearing our child's heartbeat was obvious. I'd been fighting him every step of the way, struggling to keep a part of myself separate, just to prevent this moment.
The walls I'd built around my heart years ago crumbled and opened. I was in love with him and I'd done my best to convince him that our marriage was merely a formality and wouldn't last.
I had no clue what I needed to do next.
"Okay," Dr. Stubens said. "Let's just turn this off and get you cleaned up and then you can see the baby!"
J.J. released my hand and sat in the chair a few feet away, looking shell-shocked.
As the doctor cleaned the gel off my belly, she leaned over me. "That actually happens a lot. It's doesn't seem real until you can hear it or see it, does it?"
I shook my head at her, trying to be discreet as I wiped a couple of stray tears from my cheeks. She smiled at me and patted my shoulder. "Just take it as it comes, Lee. It will be okay."
She finished cleaning me up, pulled down my gown, and moved to the end of the bed where she sat on a rolling stool.
"Okay, boys and girls, let's get a look at this baby."
Dr. Stubens pulled out something she called a wand. My eyes got big when I saw how long it was and she smiled.
"Don't worry, Lee. It's not as scary as it looks and it doesn't hurt. I promise."
J.J.'s eyes were just as big as mine when I looked up at him. I bent my arm at the elbow and held my hand up to him. He stood from his seat and took it, still looking a little shaky.
"Now I really feel the need to apologize," he whispered.
