“You wouldn’t talk to me,” he stated, almost like an accusation. “I thought that it was over, that you were dumping me.”
I shook my head. “I’m sorry if that hurt you. I learned the hard way that I need space when I’m angry or hurt. If I don’t take time to calm down, I do or say things that I deeply regret later. Words can’t be taken back. I can apologize for them when they hurt someone, but the specter will always be there. The echo never fades. Even if the other person forgives me, even if they move past the words, neither of us will forget them. And because I was so upset, I needed more than a few hours or even a day.”
Tension that I hadn’t noticed earlier vanished from Landen’s frame and the tightness around his eyes vanished.
When I saw it, I felt even worse about everything that happened between us on Monday. For all his confidence and intelligence, Landen could be hurt just as easily as I was.
“I’m sorry,” I murmured.
He shook his head. “No, you were honest with me and I didn’t take your words at face value. I thought you were using them to get away from me. I should have known better.” He rose from his chair and came over to the coffee table, perching on the edge of it so he faced me. His knees were on the outside of mine, not touching but close. “Where do we go from here?”
I stared at his face, noting that he looked exhausted. I hated to push him when it was clear that he was feeling as rough as I was, but I had to. “Have you lied to me about anything else? Or left out any other ex-wives slash business partners that I need to know about?”
He shook his head. Though the corner of his mouth lifted slightly, his eyes were somber.
“Then maybe you should tell me more about Maris. How you met, how long you were married, why you got divorced.”
He eyed the couch. “Can I sit next to you? This is going to be a long story and this coffee table isn’t comfortable.”
I nodded and shifted on the sofa. I wedged my back into the corner, toed off my sandals, and lifted my feet from the floor so I sat cross-legged on the cushions. My dress was fit-and-flare, so the skirt was loose and I arranged it so it covered most of my legs. If this was going to be a long story, I wanted to be comfortable.
Landen settled on the cushion next to me, turned so that he could rest his left elbow on the back of the couch and propped his head on his hand. Then he launched right in.
“I met Maris my junior year of college and immediately liked her. We got along well and she liked the same things I did. She was also smart enough to keep me on my toes and beautiful.”
I suppressed the wince that wanted to take over my face at his words. Maris sounded like an absolute paragon. I wanted to dislike her even more now.
Then he continued and I changed my mind.
“But I didn’t realize that what I felt for her was more platonic than sexual. We had sex, yes, and it was nice, but it wasn’t…” He trailed off when he saw the expression on my face. “Too much info?”
I nodded and shifted topics. “How long were you married?”
“We married right after we both graduated and divorced two years later. Through it all, we never stopped being friends or business partners. We just stopped being everything else. It was Maris who pointed it out. She said she wanted a husband, not a best friend and roommate with occasional benefits. She wanted to feel passionately for someone and felt we were doing ourselves a disservice by remaining married. We weren’t unhappy. Nor were we happy. We just were. She didn’t demand half of everything in the divorce, though she did tell me she wanted to remain on at the business. I agreed she should because she’s damn good at her job.”
Okay, so now I liked her again.
“After we were done, I might have gone a little wild and I realized what she meant when she said something was missing. That sex wasn’t an itch to be scratch, but that it should be exciting and breathtaking. But it wasn’t enough. I didn’t understand why it wasn’t, but I got off the carousel. I dated, even had a couple of girlfriends, but I never found that missing piece she kept talking about until I met you.”
He had my complete attention now.
He laughed without true humor. “It was my past dating experience that made me screw up, you know. The last woman I was seeing regularly knew Maris. Hell, Maris was the one who set us up. But for some reason she just couldn’t let it go. She couldn’t handle the fact that I worked with my ex-wife and had to travel with her on business. She got so jealous that she even showed up at the office and caused a huge scene.”
I cocked my head to the side. “Yeah, about that. How come I never saw Maris when I was at your office with Chris?”
A dull flush spread across Landen’s cheeks. “I might have arranged that.”
I shook my head. Despite the fact that his machinations were sneaky and underhanded, his dedication was kind of impressive. If it hadn’t been so dishonest, anyway.
Landen leaned toward me. “I will never hide things from you again, Chelsea. Except maybe the occasional Christmas or birthday gift.”
“And I won’t freeze you out either,” I promised. “I may still need space when I get angry, but I won’t cut you off.”
He relaxed fully then, the tension in his shoulders and jaw vanishing. “So, what do we do now?”
Hesitantly, I leaned forward and cupped his cheek with my hand. “You look as tired as I feel,” I commented. “I missed you this week. Especially when I was trying to sleep at night.” Somehow I’d gotten so used to sleeping next to him that I had trouble getting comfortable in the bed without him.
“You want to take…a nap?” he asked, staring at me in consternation.
I smiled. “Definitely. After that, we’ll see.”
Landen studied me for a long moment. “Then I guess we should go upstairs.”
I followed him out of the living room and up the steps to his bedroom. We climbed under the blankets on his humongous mattress and I scooted over until I was pressed against his side. Landen’s arm was beneath my neck, curving around my back so that his hand rested on my hip, and my cheek lay on his shoulder.
“I love you, you know,” he murmured as we settled into each other, the quiet of the house surrounding us with peace.
“I love you too,” I replied.
I relaxed into his body, knowing that we would figure it out. Despite everything, I didn’t want a life without Landen in it, so that was the only choice I wanted to make. Then I closed my eyes and let myself drift off to sleep.
