Chapter Twenty-Six
By the timeSaturday afternoon rolled around, I was no closer to figuring out how to handle the meeting with Landen. I hadn’t slept well since our stilted text conversation and I was tired.
Since it was the end of June and temperatures in Dallas were closing in on triple digits, I slipped into a light sundress and didn’t bother with a lot of make-up. I would just sweat it off on the walk to my car.
When I pulled up in front of Landen’s, it was five to two and I wiped my damp palms on my skirt. I didn’t know why I was so nervous. Well, yes I did. In the last week, I wondered if Landen had examined our relationship in his brain as closely as I had. If he did, I was worried that he’d come to the realization that it was better for us to make a clean break now. As upset as I had been when I discovered that he lied to me, I didn’t want that. Even then, when he asked me if I wanted to end it, my first reaction had been vehement denial.
But that didn’t mean that Landen still felt the same after spending the week in Oregon with nothing but radio silence from me.
I stepped out of the car and walked up the steps to the front door of Landen’s house. I’d barely rung the doorbell when he appeared in the entrance. His eyes moved over me, starting at the top of my head and ending at my feet with the pale lilac polish on my toes.
“Hey,” I said awkwardly.
“Hi,” he replied, stepping back and gesturing for me to come inside.
I stepped into the house, enjoying the cool air and the light, fresh scent that filled the house. His cleaning service must have come by yesterday because I could smell the geranium-scented cleaning supplies Landen preferred.
I watched as he tucked his hands into his pockets. He wore a pair of faded jeans that were battered and a soft white tee. His feet were bare and his hair was a mess. He also looked just as tired and haggard as I did.
Some of my nerves faded. He was just as much of a mess as I was.
“Are you thirsty?” he asked politely, his eyes locking on my face.
I shook my head.
“Why don’t we go into the living room so we can…” He paused and inhaled deeply. “Talk.”
I followed his lead into the large room. The afternoon sunlight filled the space, but it was still cool despite the brightness.
Landen sprawled in one of the armchairs facing the sofa and I sat primly on the cushions, my hands clasped over my knees. Damn, this was weird, awkward, and I was growing increasingly uncomfortable.
He watched me for a long moment, his dark eyes taking in every detail of my appearance before he finally spoke. “You wanted to talk?”
I lifted a hand and tucked my hair behind my ear. “Yes.” The problem was that I didn’t know where to start. I saw his expression closing down and thought,Fuck it.
I’d always been honest with him from the beginning, so I wasn’t going to change that approach now.
“When I found out you lied to me…it fuckinghurt, Landen,” I began. His jaw grew tight but I continued before he could respond. “I was angry, yes, but that was nothing compared to the feeling I had when Maris explained who she was. I knew, in that instant, that I wasn’t falling in love with you. I wasinlove with you. You had the power to break my heart. I also started wondering what else you might be lying to me about.”
Landen’s face grew attentive and his focus on me sharpened as I spoke. He sat up straighter in his chair, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. “I haven’t lied to you about anything else, Chelsea,” he stated, his voice low.
I sighed. “I want to believe you, Landen, but you also have to understand that the trust we were building, it’s damaged now. Not broken, but definitely cracked. Having an ex-wife isn’t a huge secret. And neither is having a female business partner. But when she’s both and you’re asking a woman to move in with you, well, it’s not something you should keep from her.”
“I know,” Landen replied.
“I know you do. I just need you to understand why I was so upset. And I need to know that you will never do something like that again. Unfortunately, because my trust in you is broken, I’m not sure I can just take your word for it.”
He flinched at my words. “So that’s it?”
I shook my head. Shit, I was fucking this all up. I didn’t come here to rake him over the coals again. I shifted to the edge of the couch. “Look, Iwantto be able to trust you. I want to be able to move forward. And I’m going to work for it. But I have to know that you’re going to work for it too.”
The rigidity of Landen’s posture faded somewhat at my statement. “You didn’t come here to end things?”
“No, I came to talk, just like I said. You respected me enough to give me some time to think this week and I want to show you the same respect by talking to you about what happened. I’m accepting your apology and I want to move forward, but you have to understand that I’m going to have some issues trusting you for a while. Not because I’m holding a grudge or because I want to hurt you. But if I expect you to be completely honest with me, I have to return that to you.”
“But you saidIwasin love with you. Not that you are in love with me.” His eyes were intent on me, peering into my soul as though he would find the answers he sought just by looking.
Trust Landen to notice my use of the past tense. It hadn’t even been intentional. “I am in love with you, Landen. You made a mistake, a big one, but that doesn’t mean I decided that I didn’t love you anymore.”
