The door to my room opens, and Ty walks in, the bags under his eyes seeming darker as we lock eyes and my stomach tightens.
Guess Tank told him.
“Hey pixie,” he whispers, and my eyes race between his as he kneels before me and asks, “You ready to get outta here?”
“Did you kill Nat?” I ask instead of answering his question.
“Yes,” he instantly admits as he grabs my hand, squeezing it tightly. “She helped plan your rape for her own selfish reasons, caused your miscarriage, then helped the fucker find you yet again and helped him nearly kill you and our son. She doesn’t deserve to breathe the same air as you and our children.”
Damn…
I didn’t expect him to tell me. Normally, if something had happened and I questioned it, I would be told it’s club business, which I understood. He doesn’t want to get me involved, protecting me, but I honestly thought he wouldn’t tell me the truth.
“I’m not going to lie to you, Ash,” he says as he cups my cheek when I don’t say anything, “I’ve done a lot of shit in the past three years, hurt you a lot, so I won’t lie to you.”
I nod slowly, my heart pounding so fast I’m glad I’m no longer on the machine.
“I don’t want to leave Tyson,” I admit, deciding not to talk about Nat or Michael again, and Ty’s eyes soften as he leans forward and gently kisses my forehead.
“I know, pixie, it’s why he will always have a brother with him until he’s discharged,” he whispers, “And Cole, he needs you too, Ash, he wants you home...”
I sniffle, my emotions going all over the place.
“How do parents cope with this? Having one child at home and the other in the hospital?” I choke, my guilt burning me that I didn’t think about Cole and his needs in all this.
“Some don’t, pixie,” he replies, “Some really fucking struggle, the mama will stay with the child in the hospital and the dad will stay at home. Sometimes that can cause resentment, and honestly, baby, we have had enough resentment between us, we can’t let Cole feel that.”
I nod because I know he’s right. I don’t want Cole to resent me or his brother, and I take a deep breath, then whisper, “Let’s go before I change my mind.”
Tyler nods as he looks at me, and I can see his concern, his fear, and I swear it is so hard to keep eye contact with him right now.
“I love you, pixie,” he says, full of emotion, and my eyes tear.
I reply, “I love you too,” and his grip tightens on my jaw when I admit, “I think I always will, but love doesn’t overcome everything else.”
“I know, believe me, I know it doesn’t, you haven’t spoken to me since you woke up,” he says, “I have messed up so much, I know I have, but I can’t lose you, Ash, and not because I see you as a possession, but because I can’t live without you.”
I break eye contact and look away, and he sighs, “Let’s get you home, baby. Cole is waiting in the truck.”
I nod as he lets go of my cheek, then stands straight, but not before pressing another kiss on my head and muttering, “I won’t lose you…”
I don’t answer him, not really knowing what to say as he rounds the wheelchair, grabs my bags, and pushes me towards the door.
He says he can’t lose me, yet he thought I was having an affair and was willing to walk away at first, willing to work on co-parenting, so how can he expect me to live with what he did when he actually had an affair?
Maybe we need to go back to Dr. Chimes together instead of just me on my own where my rape is concerned. I can geteverything out that is messed up in my head with her as a buffer, and maybe, even if it hurts, Ty will see we’re too far gone now….right?
Chapter 28
Trigger
“Dad, when does Tyson get to come home?” Cole asks with a tired whisper as I tuck him in bed, even though he’s now eleven.
Shit has been so fucking hard, and I have the need to wrap him up in cotton wool, especially when I know his mama is ready to leave me fully.
I saw it today when I picked her up. Her eyes were hollow, and she was making up her mind about our marriage. It doesn’t matter that we opened up with Dr. Chimes, Hazel set the avalanche in motion with her fucked up words, and how our son was brought into the world was what caused it to erupt.
I won’t let her leave me, though. I’ve already spoken to my dad, he’ll take Cole when the time comes, and I'll handcuff Ash to the bed until she sees fucking reason.
