I’ve had a few messages from Jack since he left yesterday, but I keep missing his phone calls, and when I call him back, I get his voicemail.
I’m in bed when my phone vibrates with Jack’s call.
“Hey,” I say, so relieved we’ve finally managed to connect. “How’s your dad?”
“Iris,” he says on an exhale. “I’m sorry I kept missing you.”
“No need to apologize. How’s your dad?”
“He had a stroke. He’s on a ventilator.”
I sit up. “Oh god. I’m so sorry.” I want to ask him how bad it is, whether he’s going to make a full recovery, but it feels insensitive, so I don’t. “How’s your mom holding up?”
He pauses. “She’s shaken up.” If he were here now, I’d be able to tell what he was thinking. Or at least I’d tell myself I could. At the other end of the phone, it’s different.
“I’m sure. It’s a big shock.” I want to put my arms around him and try to comfort him. “I wish I was there with you.”
“I wish you were too.” He doesn’t miss a beat before he answers and somehow it makes me feel closer to him, even if he’s not telling me the truth.
He tells me about seeing his dad and how frail he looked. He tells me word for word what the doctor said when he spoke to him, and how he’s ensured he’s got the right specialists on board to figure out the way forward. His words say he’s in control but the tone of his voice tells me he’s scared.
I want to be there for him.
I might be able to give Marnie some of my responsibilities and go to New York for a couple of days. But… I’m not sure that’s what Jack wants. I know that his mother isn’t my biggest fan. She wants Jack to settle down with a suitable wife, not… hanging out in Colorado with some farmer’s daughter. If I’m in New York, I might just make things more difficult for Jack. I don’t want to cause him more stress.
“You’re doing everything you can,” I tell him.
Silence.
I can tell his brain is ticking over, even from two thousand miles away. “What are you thinking but not saying?”
He sighs, and the sounds of him rearranging himself wherever he is, echo down the phone. “I don’t know,” he lies.
“Just talk, Jack. You don’t need to filter things with me.”
He huffs out a half laugh. “I know. I’m thinking that I don’t like being here without you. And I’m feeling bad I wasn’t in New York when my father had his stroke.”
Silence tumbles between us, until I finally say, “I get it. I miss you too.”
“It’s been a day apart, but I don’t feel myself when I’m not with you.”
I grin. “I don’t think anyone’s paid me a nicer compliment.” There’s more he wants to say. I feel it. “You’ve got a lot on your mind.”
He groans. “I can’t deny that.”
“Nothing you say can… I just want you to tell me what you’re thinking.”
“I’m thinking that I’ve never felt the way I feel about you about anyone else. And I can’t imagine I ever will. I’m thinking I love being in Star Falls far more than I could have possibly imagined. I always thought small towns meant everything was small, but it’s the exact opposite. It’s made me see how small New York is. It’s simpler. Fresher. It feels how life is meant to be.”
I can feel the “but” before he even says it.
“But New York is where the Alden family is based. It’s our kingdom. And I know I said to you, let’s figure it out later. That problems will dissolve and we’ll find a way to work around obstacles…”
I close my eyes and turn onto my back, so I’m ready.
He’s breaking up with me. I can hear it in his voice.
“I don’t want to think about any of it,” he says. “It’s too difficult.”
