“That couldn’t be farther from the truth and I hope you know that,” I pick at my tray of snacks but don’t select anything.
“But I don’t know that, Nola. You’re independent and that’s something I really admire about you. It also could be seen as a fault. By the time you surprised me in Seattle, we were in a relationship. A real one. At least as far as I thought. Correct me if I’m wrong, but you did tell me you loved me that weekend. This is the kind of news you share with the person you love, regardless of if you’ve decided to take the offer or not.”
“It’s three months.” I remind him, stressing the word months.
His face lightens up. “So? That’s nothing in the scheme of things.”
“And there’s Stella.”
“What about her?” he asks casually, like she’s not one of the most important women in his life.
Max is either the densest man on the planet or he’s really that supportive of me and my dreams. I need him to see the reality of what we’re facing, though. “Come on, Max. I can’t leave her, not after today. We agreed when you’re playing ball,that’s where your focus should be. I don’t want you worrying about her because I’m not in town close by.”
His voice softens. “She’s not yours to worry about, Nola.”
In the last couple of months, I’ve spent a lot of time with Stella as part of my arrangement with Max. We’ve had our twice a week dinners with Emma tagging along and bingo Saturdays. I’ve gone up for a few hours while Emma’s at school to hang out with her when Opal’s been at appointments and Stella calls me because she’s bored. For him to tell me that she’s not my problem makes me defensive. “Believe it or not,” I start, then stop myself and lower my voice to keep this between us. “Believe it or not, her sassy ways have grown on me and I love her like she’s my own grandma. I want us to be there for her. If something happens, I want to be the one to call you and fill you in. Not have you get a report from the nurse.”
With a half smile, he shakes his head at me. “I love you so much for this, but I’m not letting you give up this once-in-a-lifetime chance to chase your dreams. Violet always has more time off accrued than she knows what to do with it, and Madelyn has got to be in between projects soon. Let me talk to them and figure something out. They can take turns while we’re both out of town this summer.”
“That’s it? Just like that?” My mouth hangs open for a second and I take in everything he’s just said. “You really want me to do this?”
“More than anything. You and Emma need to go have a wild European adventure. Show off your art and send me pictures of everything you go visit. I’ll miss you so much but you’ll come back.” Max sets his snack pack on the ground and puts an arm around me. “Want to know something? When you were delivering flowers with Opal, Stella told me youwere the best thing to ever happen to me and she’s totally right, as usual.”
“Pretty sure I’m the lucky one,” I tell him, leaning my head on his shoulder. “How was Emma when she and my mom got you from the airport?”
“She gave me a screaming welcome and your mom gave me a big hug.” There’s a break in his voice and he hides his emotion behind a drink of Pepsi. “It made me wonder what it’d be like to step off a plane and see my mom waiting for me.”
In my eight years of widowhood, I’ve learned there’s only one right thing to say at moments like this. “I’m sorry, Maxford.”
“It’s okay, really.” He lets out an uncomfortable chuckle. “Actually, my therapist will be more than happy to unpack that with me when I’m ready to go there.”
He’s made visible strides in therapy and other than the Europe setback, I’ve worked on being less guarded about my feelings, especially around Max. Relaxed, sentimental Nola is a work in progress but we’re both giving one another grace as we improve ourselves.
“I can’t believe you were willing to give up your summer for me and Stella.” He grabs my hand and rubs his thumb over my knuckles.
I let out a long sigh and tease. “It was really selfless of me.”
He chuckles and tickles my side. I squirm and squeal, which is exactly what he’s looking for and he does it again until I cry “Okay! That’s not why I was willing to do it!”
“What’s the reason, then?” he asks, letting me go.
“Because I love you and I want this marriage to you and my bonus family more than I want strangers to praise my art.”I sit up and wait until he’s looking at me. “At the end of the day, it comes down to you and how I feel about you, Maxford. You infuriate me. You surprise me. You make me feel whole again.”
There’s a startling look on his face. He once told me he didn’t like being too attached to his family because he knew they’d all leave him eventually. It hits me that he not only pushes people away so they can’t hurt him, but he also assumes people will give up on him if he pushes hard enough, which helps him control when the hurt will happen. How has this poor man made it this far in life living a delicate balance like this? He must be exhausted from surviving as long as he has.
“I’m going to mess up,” he admits.“Probably more than once. You’re going to get mad at me and we might even have a fight or two. This isn’t going to be easy, Adler.”
I level my gaze at him. “I don’t expect it to be, Maxford, but you’re not getting rid of me.”
“Why’s that?” he grins.
“Because you belong with me.”
I let it sink in and watch him mull this over in his head. Tentatively, he puts a hand on my thigh and gives it a squeeze. “I need you.”
That’s all that comes out of his mouth. It’s romantic enough, something from those romcoms he’d watched with his sisters years ago, but it also feels unfinished. I politely prod, “You need me to be your wife? You need me to put you in your place? You need me to cheer you on at work? You need me to introduce Stella to a new album? You need me to cosplay Ben Franklin again? What do you need, Max?”
“You.” He lets out a content sigh and gives me his half grin. “All of you.”
