Jax laughs and orders us both a glass of wine. We take a few sips before he speaks again. “I know you probably can’t say much about work, but I’m here if you need me. Always.”
Reaching over, I take his hand, giving it a slight squeeze. “Thank you. Some complications have me questioning pretty much my whole life.”
“Existential crisis?” His eyes flash with amusement.
I nod miserably. “What would you do if you were faced with an impossible decision?”
Jax cocks his head to the side. “You’ll have to give me more information than that.”
I don’t know how to ask without revealing too much, but I desperately need a friend right now. “My heart and head are at war. The line between right and wrong seems to be completely gone, and I have no idea what to do about it.”
I don’t mean for the tears to come, but they rush to the surface and threaten to fall, stinging my eyes.
Jax squeezes my hand. “I may not be the best person to ask, but I’ve always found that following my heart has never led me astray.”
I stare at him for a long moment. “And if that decision leads to your own downfall?”
He laughs. “Then you have to ask yourself if it’s worth the fall.”
I don’t know how to reply, so I take another sip of wine and wipe at my teary eyes.
“I know I don’t know anything about your situation, but I do know you.” My gaze snaps to his as he continues, “I know that you havealwaysfought for what was right and for those who couldn’t fight for themselves. But when have you ever fought for yourself?”
I blink, a tear finally escaping down my cheek. Jax reaches out and wipes it away with his thumb and cups my cheek with his hand. “I love you, Nova. You’ve been through hell and back, and I think you deserve a little peace. A little happiness.”
I clear my throat, my voice shaky. “Even if that happiness is so brief it feels like a blink in a whole lifetime?”
Jax nods. “Even so.”
I try to laugh, but it comes out a bit like a sob. “You’ve always been a softy.”
Jax smiles. “And you’ve always been the tough one.”
I’m not so sure I want to be the tough one anymore.
Jax watches me for a few moments, and I take another sip. “If this is about Owen, I want you to know that Evan and I both think he’s a really great guy.”
“He is.” And I mean it. The only problem is, I don’t know how to come to terms with the murders he’s accused of. Even if I could live with it, how would I even begin to get him out of it?
Jax and I drop the subject, and the night turns into laughs instead of tears. The tension around my heart, that I didn’t realize was there, slowly melts. I lay in bed that night and hope that means I’ll have a peaceful sleep.
I drift in and out of consciousness. I hear Gray on the phone, somewhere to the left of me. It’s pitch black, and I have no idea where we are, but his voice reassures me that I’ll be fine.
“She’s alive. She’ll likely survive.”
“We’re in a safe location. CIA will be here in a few hours.”
My brain registers his words, but I can’t seem to stay awake, and I drift off, his voice getting lost in the dark….
I wake with a start and vaguely remember that conversation, but it’s still fuzzy. At least the dream wasn’t a nightmare, though my body is acting like it was. I’m drenched in sweat as I reach for the lamp and switch on the light.
I sit up, instinctively grabbing my phone.
4 am. Again.
I groan.
There are a few text messages from Owen, and my fingers pause and hover over the notification. I’m afraid to open it, and I don’t know why.
