“You pulled me out of awar meetingto fuckingtimeyou!” James thundered, and I could distinctly see the veins in his neck bulging as he stepped closer. “If you can’t see the difference between that and what happened today, then I don’t know how to even talk to you!”
Shit. This fight was escalating—fast. Again.
“Then I don’t know how to evenbewith you!” he added.
The thought of losing him hit me like a punch to the gut, his statement sobering me instantly.
My breath caught in my throat, and that old, sick panic surged up before I could stop it.No. No, no, no. Don’t leave me. I don’t have anyone else.
“James,” I whispered, my anger cooling as his words sank in. “I’m sorry. You’re right. I should’ve contacted you. I knew you were busy with the Council today, and you told me you had that call with Caden at Crown. I didn’t want to bother you. But I should have…”
“Yes. You should have,” he replied dryly, but I noticed how his voice still sounded rough with emotion.
I nodded, and I tried to steady my breath. “Yes. I’m sorry. Now please, can we talk about what happened to me?”
His breathing was still heavy, his chest rising and falling as he fought to calm himself. His jaw tightened, and I could see him wrestling with his emotions, trying to keep it all together.
I stood, then slowly closed the distance between us.
“Don’t,” he said, sounding strained. “Emma, please don’t. Not yet.” His words came through gritted teeth as he took a step back trying to put space between us.
But I wasn’t going to let him retreat. I closed the distance between us, until I stood directly in front of him. Gently, I kissed his cheek, and he closed his lids, the strain in his body softening just a fraction.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered again, as my lips brushed his skin. I kissed his other cheek. “I love you,” I murmured softly in his ear, then kissed his neck, feeling him begin to relax against me. I wrapped my arms around him, yanking him into a tight embrace.
I held him there, not letting go until his arms came up to wrap around me as well.
“You can’t shut me out,” he muttered. “I won’t survive if you shut me out.”
A tad dramatic, but okay.
“I won’t shut you out,” I promised. “But can we please talk about what happened to me today? Because, honestly, I’m kind of scaring myself shitless right now.”
James loosened his grip minimally but didn’t let go. He translated a soft blanket, and jerked me down onto the couch with him and covering us both. I settled against his chest and calmed myself by listening to the rapid thumping of his heart.
“What happened?” he asked more gently.
The words spilled faster than ever. I told him everything—about my nightmares the night before, the thoughts of Coastal and Logan that had fueled my translation, about the blood, the chaos, and how it had spiraled out of control. I explained my interface and how I’d earned the first Skindo in my class, though it felt hollow compared to the mess I’d created. And I talked about my insecurities, the fear that I might be losing control.
“My power. I swear, sometimes it’s like it’s too big for me. As if it’s not entirely me,” I voiced hesitantly. “I don’t know how to explain it. It’s like…” I trailed off as I searched for the right analogy. “It’s like constantly trying to fit a gallon of water into a small bottle. It feels huge, overwhelming, and I don’t know how to handle it.”
James stayed silent, his fingers stroking through my back as I spoke, the soothing rhythm of his touch grounding me.
“We never really searched for answers after my coma,” I continued, while my thoughts swirled. “Maybe we should. Do you think the Amplifier somehow transferred some of its power into me? Like amplified my energy or something?”
James averted his gaze. “I don’t know.”
Not the answer I was hoping for, but it wasn’t surprising either.
“Why do you think I’m no longer blocked?” I pressed, as I tried to make sense of it all. “Last year, I couldn’t translate unless my life was in danger, and now… Now I’m translating without even thinking about it. It simply happens.”
James didn’t reply right away, and the silence grew heavier. The little voice in the back of my mind—the one that always whispered doubts when I was at my weakest—started making its way into my thoughts again.
I swallowed and forced myself to push back the creeping doubt. If there was anyone at Cyclos I could trust, it was James. I had to trust him.
I sighed deeply, the weight of what I had to say almost too much to bear. “I know we haven’t talked about this since we got together, but…” I hesitated, the familiar pit forming in my stomach. This could ruin everything. “Do you think me forming the True Bond with Julian has anything to do with it?”
James’s entire body went rigid. The shift in him was immediate, his posture stiffening as though my words hadstruck a nerve. I glanced up at him, and the sight of his hardened expression sent a chill through me. His eyes, filled with that dark rage. Again.
