He signals for the waitress. “What do you want to drink?”
“Just a coffee, please. I can’t stay long. I have plans later.” I don’t, but he doesn’t need to know that. It’s better if he thinks I’m a wanted woman with a social calendar busier than a Real Housewife. The lie slips out easier than I expect.
His face falls, but he quickly rearranges his features to feign calm. He runs his hand through his dark hair then squares his shoulders a fraction.
The waitress appears, and he orders our drinks. As she retreats to her counter, he turns and fixes me with a stare. The kind that always makes me feel seen, noticed above every other person in the room.
The way a deer trapped in headlights freezes with nowhere to run, I’m here until he releases me.
“Amy,” he begins, voice unsteady in a way I’ve never heard. “I’m sorry.”
He inhales as though bracing himself.
“I’m sorry for being an insensitive asshole. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I bought the gym. I should have. That man is one I’m not proud of.”
His voice fractures on the last words, his fingers tightening on the handle of his mug, as if holding himself together.
I swallow, and something deep inside me trembles.
“I can’t change the past. The last thing I wanted to do is hurt you. My actions were those of a man who was spoiled, used to getting what he wanted by any means necessary. I’m ashamed of that man.”
The waitress returns and places our steaming hot drinks in front of us. Each saucer has a small ginger biscuit snuggled next to the cup. He lifts his mug to his lips, takes a sip, and closes his eyes. I snap my gaze away, taking advantage of the reprieve from his attention.
“These past twelve months have changed me unrecognizably. I feel like a completely different person,” he says softly.
I pop a biscuit in my mouth, devouring it in a single serving. His eyes drop to my lips, a ghost of a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. I raise my eyebrows, daring him to say something. He doesn’t, returning to the serious conversation we’re having.
“You’ve shown me another way to live. A way where someone else is my priority. That night you told me to leave, I was furious at your rejection. Furious that you wouldn’t see the situation from my perspective. Furious you dismissed me.”
My heart thumps so loud, I’m sure he can hear it. His honesty slams against the walls I’ve built, threatening to flatten them to the ground.
“I was hurt, Ivan,” I whisper. “Disillusioned. Betrayed.”
“I know, and now, I understand why.” His expression twists with regret. “Amy, being without you is torture. I know it will take time for us to build what we had again, but I want to know if you’re willing to try. I love you.”
He reaches for my hand, but hesitates.
I close the distance, linking our fingers. The strain on his features relaxes instantly, his shoulders dropping from his ears.
“I’m willing to try.” I say softly. Hope blooms in my chest, fragile but real. “You made me happy. And I’m tired of being afraid of that. Life’s short. I don’t want to risk missing out on something spectacular by being short-sighted.”
We sit in silence for a few minutes, a different kind of silence. It’s settled, healing, one that feels like the beginning of something good.
“This is real,” he whispers, like we’re something sacred. “You and me.”
The warm coffee slides down my throat, heat radiating through my body. It soothes the knot of tension I’ve been carrying since I agreed to come today.
“And whatever you need from me,” he says, his voice wavering, still unsure. “I’ll do whatever you need for you to feel secure with me. I can’t believe I risked us.”
When we leave, he kisses my cheek. And for the first time in months, I feel something close to peace.
***
Ivan invited me to his family’s Christmas Eve dinner again this year. In the past few weeks, we’ve met up a handful of times for dinners, long conversations, and kisses that linger enough for me to crave more.
Each time, the atmosphere becomes a little more comfortable, my defenses beginning to fall. Every time I walk away, it gets harder. I love him. There’s no question of that. He makes me happy. All I need to do now is be brave and embrace him.
Tonight is pivotal.
