“Will you stay?” she asked suddenly. “Not... not like that. Just... be here? I don't want to be alone tonight.”
“Of course.”
They went inside, and Kate changed out of the green dress into jeans and one of Pop's old flannel shirts. She sat with Pop until he fell asleep, Ben in a chair nearby, just present. Her family came and went, planning, discussing logistics. Amy spoke to the intake nurse who would make sure everything was ready in the morning.
At some point, Kate briefly dozed off in the chair beside Pop's bed. She woke to find Ben covering her with a blanket, his hand gentle on her shoulder.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
“Always,” he whispered back.
Tomorrow they would take Pop to the memory care facility. Tomorrow everything would change again. But tonight, she sat with her father while he slept, Ben keeping watch over them both, and tried to memorize everything about this moment before it became just another thing she'd lost.
CHAPTER 20
Kate didn't sleep very well the night before taking Pop to Wells. She sat in the chair beside his bed, watching him breathe, memorizing the sound of him in this room he'd shared with her mother for twenty years. At three in the morning, he woke, looked at her with complete clarity.
“Today's the day, isn't it?” he said.
Kate's throat closed. “Pop?”
“The place. The memory place. That's where we're going.”
“How did you...”
“I'm confused, Katie-girl, not stupid. Not all the time anyway.” He sat up slowly, looked around the room. “I hear you all talking. Sometimes it makes sense, sometimes it doesn't. But I heard Tom on the phone. Very official sounding.”
“Pop, I'm so sorry. After last night at the harbor...”
“I remember the harbor. Sort of. Like a dream. I thought I saw her.”
“I know.”
“I see her a lot now. Sometimes she's young, sometimes older, sometimes in between.” He touched Kate's face with his papery hand. “You look tired.”
“I'm okay.”
“No. You haven't been okay in a long time. Maybe with me gone, you can be.”
“Don't say that. You're not gone. Wells is only twenty minutes away.”
“It's not the distance, Katie.” He looked around the room again. “Will you pack my good sweater? The one Elizabeth made?”
“Of course.”
“And the photo album? The one with our wedding pictures?”
“Yes.”
“And you'll visit?”
“Every day.”
“Don't do that. Don't make your life about visiting me. I won't remember anyway.”
“Pop...”
“Listen to me while I can say this.” His voice was stronger than it had been in weeks. “I'm proud of you. You held everything together when it was falling apart. You stayed when everyone else left. But Katie, it's time for you to live now. Really live, not just survive.”
