The words almost escaped:Marine biology. Graduate school. To study what's under this ice instead of just sitting on top of it.But Kate swallowed them back.
“I have what I want,” she lied.
“You’re lying.” Dani's words hit hard. “You know what I think? I think you're so used to sacrificing that you don't even know how to want things anymore.”
“And you want too much.”
“Maybe. But at least I admit it. I want to matter, Katie. I want to build something that's mine. I want someone to look at me the way Ben looks at you.”
“Ben doesn't…”
“Oh please. That man has been in love with you since the moment he first laid eyes on you. And you're so busy being responsible that you won't even see it.”
Kate's tip-up flag suddenly went up, saving her from responding. As she pulled in the fish, a decent bass, Dani shrieked and scooted backward.
“It's just a fish, Dani.”
“It's slimy.” But Dani was laughing now, the heavy moment breaking. “Take a picture of me with it. My friends won't believe I actually did this.”
As Kate watched her sister pose with the fish, her manicured nails holding it as far from her body as possible, she thought about their conversation. Dani was right. She didn't know how to want things anymore. Except she did want. She wanted it so badly it hurt: to go back to school, to study the ocean she loved, to be more than Pop's daughter who saved the inn.
“Your turn,” Kate said, baiting Dani's hook again. “And this time, when you get a bite, you're touching the fish.”
“I'd rather die.”
“Drama queen.”
“Ice queen.”
They grinned at each other, sisters who'd found their way back through frozen water and honest words.
“You know,” Dani said quietly, watching her line, “whatever you're not saying you want? You should want it. Out loud. To someone besides the fish.”
“Maybe.”
“And I should probably figure out what I want my future to look like.”
“Sounds like a plan to me.”
They sat quietly after that, two sisters, one in her twenties and the other in her thirties, both lost in different ways. Kate thought about the UNE catalog hidden in her nightstand. Dani probably thought about whatever dreams she was afraid to name.
When they finally packed up, Dani's designer boots thoroughly destroyed, she turned to Kate.
“Thank you for this. For letting me into your space.”
“Want to come again next week?”
“Absolutely not. This was a one-time sisterly bonding experience. From now on, I'll support your fishing habit with hot coffee and warm kitchens.”
As they walked back to the truck, Dani linked her arm through Kate's. “But seriously, Katie. Whatever you want but won't say? It's not too late. Thirty-five isn't dead. Hell, twenty-eight isn't dead. We're both allowed to want more.”
“When did you become philosophical?”
“Somewhere between touching that disgusting bait and freezing my butt off. Suffering builds character apparently.”
They laughed, but Kate carried Dani's words with her:It's not too late.
Maybe it wasn't. Maybe wanting something for herself wasn't selfish.
