“Being with you like this,” he says, his voice low and rushed. “I never knew it would be so beautiful.”
I am shocked by his words. He doesn’t understand what I am. What I have planned for him. He is so innocent. He thinks I am kind because I give him pleasure. He doesn’t understand how much more complex relations can be between a man and a woman. He forgets about his profession, his soul, his religion, because I sucked his cock.
He is cunt-struck. A complete simpleton.
I should only have contempt for him.
“Mr. Vicar! Miss de Lacey!” yells a small voice.
I jump back and break apart from Alfred, turning in the direction of the girl’s voice.
She is standing on the edge of the forest where the Ludlows’ land becomes common forest.
“Splotches came back!” she calls. “You do not need to search anymore.”
Her grandmother appears over her shoulder, squinting into the forest.
“Please do not trouble yourself anymore on our account, Mr. Saintsbury and Miss de Lacey. You have already been too kind!”
“Come,” I say under my breath to him. “We must go.”
Chapter 18
Alfred
Dear Alfred,
When I read your letter I was so stunned that I could not speak for five minutes together.
You have been so resolute in your religious principles—well, you have been as resolute as I have been in my ambition.
But then when I had time to contemplate, I cannot help but think it is a good thing. I have always said there is no reason you should be so strict with yourself. And given as strict as you have been, is it a surprise that you have been tempted?
Please write and tell me if you still belong to our club or not.
I will try and not be too titillated by the details.
But I make no promises.
Your friend,
Henry
P.S. Whatever you do, do NOT get caught.
I toss Henry’s letter aside.
It is the evening of my encounter in the woods with Annabelle and I sit at my desk in the little morning room of the vicarage.
While I appreciate Henry’s sanguine attitude, he does not understand the depths of my obsession.
He sees it as a bit of naughtiness.
The type of thing he wouldn’t risk himself but that he thinks I can get away with.
It is so much more than that.
I am lost in thoughts ofher.
