Remy quietly observed Elysia’s internal struggle. “I couldn’t believe it either… And I’m there witnessing it more days than not.” She looked tired as she rested her chin in her hand. “You know she loved Topp.”
Elysia’s answer was whip-fast. “She didnotlove Topp. She loved the Crown that came with him. She hated his dirty hands and his animals and everything that actually made him good.”
Remy met her eyes and let Elysia’s own words hit their mark.
Shoulders sinking, she braced against the sting of betrayal even though it was closer to grief.
Message delivered, Remy stood to leave, but Elysia caught her hand. “You’re the most brilliant person I know, use it to stay alive, won’t you?”
Dark shadows smudged beneath Remy’s eyes, but she let a little of her practiced saunter out as she made for the door. “You’re looking at the woman running the money for Kava’s underground. Does she look afraid to you?”
Both women laughed as the door shut, but the echo of it sounded an awful lot likegoodbye, I love you, I hope I see you.
But as old friends often do, they kept the words inside. Bothturning their faces in the directions of their own paths while holding the other somewhere safe where no one could touch.
Giving her weapons a final pat, Elysia departed from Bellia, using a small stream just beyond the forest line behind the Reyez house to travel back to the death realm with her mind heavy and unease curdling in her gut. It was one thing to have a heart to heart with Gage, the man who had raised her, it was another to bare her shortcomings to the god whose help she needed to save her kingdom. She landed in her room at the estate, and cleaned up for bed. She could only imagine how smug he would be about her crawling to him and needing help.
Snuggling in beneath the covers, she put it out of her mind. Talking to Aidan could wait until tomorrow. She needed rest and fortitude for that type of torture. Sleep claimed her with swiftness, her dreams blissfully blank throughout the night.
Chapter 23
Morning came entirely too soon,and with it the unappealing task of discussing herdivine rolewith the god of the dead himself.
Elysia stood outside Aidan’s closed office door. Hands gesticulating in the air, mouth moving silently, she froze when the door swung open. Dropping her hands to her sides, she cleared her throat awkwardly. “Hi.”
Aidan dropped one shoulder, leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed. Black shirt unbuttoned at the neck and vest completely undone, he looked overworked and perfectly rumpled.
“You’ve been standing outside my door for at least five minutes.”
A hot flush spread from the apples of her cheeks to her hairline. “I wanted to talk to you.”
“The floor is yours.”
His face remained impassive, and Elysia’s hand went to her neck, her mouth opening and closing like it was her first day speaking.
Aidan simply waited.
“I wanted to talk to you about something that has been brought to my attention.” Internally, she winced. Per the usual, inher discomfort she ended up sounding stiff and formal, when really, she wanted to climb out of her skin.
His brow lifted like that wasn’t what he had expected to hear. Stepping aside, he gestured for her to enter his office. She hurried past him, pacing on the rug in front of his desk. Hands in front of her stomach, she stopped and looked at him where he rested against the edge of his desk.
“I promise I’ve been trying. I took the Reyez mark. I had a terribly honest conversation with Topp in hopes of passing the fates’ first instructions. I completed the initiation for the Reyezes. Ikilleda man for them! And all I keep hearing is howobviousit is to everyone else that I’m going through the motions.” Her fingers gripped the chair in front of her until her knuckles turned white. “I will do whatever it is I need to do, but the fates haven’t delivered any further instructions. It’s like they’re torturing me.”
Slipping his hands into his pockets, Aidan’s mouth turned up as he listened, nodding almost imperceptibly at her frustration. When she was quiet, he looked at her intently. “Are you wanting empathy or ideas? I can do either.”
Elysia stopped, thrown off by his question and open face. She hunted for a microexpression, a tensing,anythingthat would indicate judgement, but she found none. Deflating ever so slightly, she leaned forward, elbows resting on top of the chair. “Both?”
“You’re doing your best with an impossible task. Matters of the heart or spirit rarely cooperate with timelines no matter how much we try to force or cajole ourselves into feeling a certain way. But you did what you could with the prince—you laid it all out there, so it has a chance of healing rather than festering. And sometimes it appears we’regoing through the motionswhen really, we’re too overwhelmed to feel anything at all. Numb is never just numb.”
She’d been studiously staring at the pattern on the armchair when her head shot up at his final words. A sense of resonance spread like light within her as she nodded emphatically. Shehadn’t expected Aidan of all people to be the one to reflect exactly what was happening inside her.
The words forthank youwere stuck and unwilling to come out, so instead she asked another question with a scratchy voice. “The fates are being quiet. What do we do?”
Pushing off the desk, with a smile that made her battered heart go weak, Aidan strode past her, snagging her by the wrist as he went. “We train.”
Dressedin loose pants and a soft long-sleeve shirt, Elysia bounced on her feet in the sparring room. Today it was quiet. There wasn’t the swell of music or of two gods crashing against each other. There was only the nervous racing of her pulse and the soft patter of her feet against the black cushioned mat.
Aidan watched her bounce for a moment, appraising her with a short nod, and then began to unbutton his shirt. Her eyes went to how his fingers slowly and methodically undid each button, before darting to his face.
