He said it rather firmly. Lista could see that he meant it and she struggled to come up with an answer.
“I do not know the answer to that question,” she finally said. “All I know is that Julian is in my thoughts every moment of every hour, every hour of every day. He was hurtful when he left and I’ll not deny it, but I’ve had time to think on it. I cannot say that if I hadn’t come upon him with some woman in his arms, no matter how innocent, that I might not have reacted in the same fashion. I do not think you can say that, either– where the heart is concerned, we’re all fragile. The heart is the most valuable part of us and if it is wounded, we weaken. If it is broken, we die. Right now, my heart is wounded. Julian’s departure did that. I told you once that my heart no longer belonged to me and that is still true. I cannot give it to you if someone else has it, Louis.”
Louis listened to her rather impassioned speech and although she didn’t give him a direct answer to his question, the implication was clear. A weak smile finally creased his lips.
“I understand,” he said. “But if Julian is gone, he will not have your heart forever. Gradually, you will reclaim it again and when you do, I want to be there. I think you are a remarkable woman, Lady Lista de la Mere, and I will not give up on something so remarkable that easily.”
Lista sighed faintly. “It is at your own risk,” she said. “I am not making you any promises. I could feel the way I do forever.”
“Or not,” he said.
She conceded the point. “Possibly,” she said. “No one knows what the future will hold. But I will ask you not to push me, please. That cannot go well. Whatever happens will happen in its own time.”
Louis nodded but the truth was that he was trying not to feel a sense of discouragement. Whatever Lista and Julian had between them was strong; he could see that. But he had to believe he was just as good as Julian de Velt. Perhaps even better. That was something he intended to prove to Lista if she would allow it.
But all he could do was promise not to push.
“As you wish,” he said. “For now, mayhap we can simply be friends. Mayhap that is all we can be at the moment.”
“I would like that.”
His gaze lingered on her in the darkness before he turned, gesturing off towards the south. “There is a place called Iowick Castle to the south,” he said. “Have you heard of it?”
Lista shook her head. “I do not think so,” she said. “Why?”
He leaned against the wall. “Because they breed ponies that are no bigger than a large dog,” he said. “My sister has one for a pet and it sleeps with her. From one friend to another, I was thinking you might like a pony no larger than a big dog as a pet. They are very sweet little animals and finely bred ladies covet them.”
Lista was greatly intrigued. “Little ponies?” she said. “I’ve not even heard of something like that.”
He grinned. “I will take you there tomorrow,” he said. “Pick out the pony you like and it will be my gift to you. From one friend to another, of course.”
“But why such a gift? It is not my day of birth.”
“It does not matter. Gifts are for any day of the year.”
Lista thought about that but, somehow, she simply didn’t feel like indulging in something that was supposed to bring her joy. At the moment, she couldn’t manage to feel any joy. Julian was gone, her aunt and mother were concocting schemes behind her back, and she simply didn’t feel like being happy or joyful, not even with something as sweet as a tiny pony. Besides… something told her that Louis was perhaps trying to endear her to him with a gift.
Buying her affection, perhaps.
That wasn’t something she was willing to do.
“It is a very kind offer,” she said. “But not tomorrow. I have much to do here and with the raid yesterday, I would not feel comfortable leaving Felkington for any length of time. I’m sure you understand.”
Disappointment rippled across Louis’ face. “As you wish,” he said. “If the Scots return, I will be here for you to command.”
“How long do you plan on staying?”
“You were agreeable for me to remain a few days.”
“I know, but I also remember that you said you had business for your father in Kelso.”
“Would you like to go with me?”
Lista smiled at him, shaking her head with regret. “Nay,” she said. “But you are kind to ask.”
He wriggled his eyebrows. “It was worth a try,” he said, grinning. “You cannot fault a man for trying.”
“I have a feeling it will not be the last time you try.”
