Julian shook his head, briefly, closing his eyes as if there were a sharp pain somewhere in his torso. His entire face rippled with pain.
“I know what I saw,” he finally said.
“Do you?” Kellington fired back softly. “Or did you just assume?”
He did look at her, then. “I saw the woman I wanted to court in the arms of another man,” he said. “I’d lowered my guard and was knocked back for having that trust. Now you are telling me I must learn to trust people?”
Kellington could see he wasn’t going to relinquish what he considered the last vestiges of his control over his version of events. “You are trying so hard to protect yourself that you are going to strangle yourself with your good intentions,” she said. “Long ago, your father had to learn to trust me. He’d grown up not trusting anyone, so it was very difficult for him. But he did not regret it. As it turned out, it was the best thing he ever did. All I am asking you to do is give Lady Lista that same opportunity.”
“I may regret it.”
“You maynotregret it, too. Is she not worth the risk?”
Julian’s focus drifted to Lista. He’d tried so hard not to think of her that when thoughts of her came flooding back, so did the angst and confusion and hope. So many things swirling in his chest. He could see Lista’s smile and hear her laughter, the silly way she had of flirting with him that made him feel giddy. Like he was the only man in the world.
Was regaining all of that worth the risk?
It was.
But he was terrified.
“I thought she was worth everything,” he finally said. “I was willing to risk everything. In a sense, I did. I let her get under my skin and I’ve never let anyone do that before.”
Addington, listening to what seemed like a break in Julian’s harsh stance, stepped forward.
“Julian, you know I would never lie to you,” she said beseechingly. “Have I not always been your greatest protector?”
Julian looked at his younger sister. They were very close and he knew her heart, and she had always been fiercely protective of him. She was annoying and pesky at times, but she loved him.
He knew that.
“You have,” he said.
“Then believe me when I say that if I thought for one moment that Lista and Louis were lying, I would be the first one to condemn them,” she said. “I would tell you to run away and stay away. I would do what Papa did and put them on pikes so the birds could pluck out their eyeballs. Therefore, please believe me when I say that I believed them when they said nothing untoward happened. Lista hurt her ankle and Louis was simply helping her. I would not tell you this if it were not true.”
Julian’s gaze lingered on her and he could feel his guard lowering. As much as he wanted to continue his stubborn stance, even he knew that it was only because he was hurt. Shocked bywhat he had seen, he’d assumed the worst. That was the bullied, frightened young boy in him. The one who didn’t want to be hurt again and again.
But maybe that young boy had been wrong this time.
The realization made him feel sick.
“You know that I trust you, Addie,” he finally said, unable to look at her. “I know you would not deceive me.”
“Nay, I would not.”
He looked at her then. His broad shoulders lifted helplessly. “What should I do now?”
Addington breathed a sigh of relief, looking to her mother for guidance, but Kellington was fixed on Julian.
“Go back to Felkington,” Kellington said without hesitation. “Go back and apologize for behaving rashly. Even if she does not accept your apology, at least you made it. That is what a mature, reasonable man would do. It is what your father would have done.”
Now that Julian had realized he may have been wrong, all he could feel was remorse. Remorse and the slightest bit of panic. Addington had been absolutely right– he had been feeling something for Lista, probably more than he realized, which was why he had reacted so badly.
“Leave when the sun rises,” Addington said. “I spoke to Louis after you left… he was very offended, Julian. He said that you did not deserve Lista and I fear that his resentment will cause him to pursue her even though he told you that he would not, so you cannot wait. You must return as soon as possible.”
Julian looked at her. “What else did he say?”
Addington was reluctant to tell him. “I said that you were a good man,” she said. “I told him that you had been hurt before and you were keen to protect yourself, but he said a good man would not have done what you did. A good man would not have been so quick to judge.”
