“Don’t leave me alone, Hads.”
I don’t miss the sadness plaguing my voice. What was meant as a joke came out as a cry for help.
One that Lorelei heard loud and clear.
“Okay. It’s time.”
“Time?” Unease wraps me in a wool-like blanket as I sit up in the hanging egg chair.
Lorelei plops down on the other rocking chair. “We are here for my so-called bachelorette party or whatever, but mainly, I dragged you here to get you out of Juniper Grove and hold an intervention.”
“An intervention? For what?” I look between Hadley, who is now perked up and rocking gently with her hands on her belly, and my sister who sits still as a statue.
“It’s time you tell us what really went down between you and Stone.The whole truth.” Hadley raises her eyebrow at me, and I think she’s already nailed down the mom look.
“Grandma Netty had a phone call with me a couple of weeks ago and told me the gist of what happened: you were fake-dating him until you weren’t, and then you fell in love with him. He couldn’t say he loved you. But then he did and said he needed time to figure out things regarding his faith.”
I open my mouth to interject with something about Grandma sharing my secrets when Lorelei cuts me off. “And before you begin raging over Grandma telling me, she did it because she’s worried about you. We all are. We tried to sit back and let you work through whatever it is depressing you, but I can’t stop myself intervening any longer. Don’t ask me to explain it, but I feel your pain, even across the world. You’re depressing me, Lucy.”
I sit slack-jawed while Hadley shifts her eyes between the two of us. She clears her throat. “What Lorelei means to say is that we both love you, your grandmother loves you, and we want to see you truly happy and bubbly and joy-filled like you used to be. And we don’t want you faking it. We know it may take a long time to heal from whatever you have experienced, but we are on your side and are determined to push you through this.”
“I’m fine, guys. Really, I’m—” Out of nowhere, I start crying. Attempting to speak through the snotty huffs and breathlessness that I feel, I manage to get out, “Okay, I’m not fine. Not fine atall. It hurts so much. And even when I think the pain gets better and I’m healing, another wave hits and knocks me flat on my butt, drowning me under the rough waters.”
Hadley stands and wobbles over to me, making me scoot over in the built-for-two egg chair. She groans as I sniffle and snuggle close to her. She says, “I’ll never get out of this chair without some help.”
“That’s why I’m staying right here,” Lorelei says matter-of-factly. “The chair will not eat all three of us alive.”
Hadley holds me, massaging my scalp as I cry. Once I don’t think I can shed another tear, I tell them everything that happened. Including sleeping with Stone, which my sister didn’t know about but Hadley did. I feel so much shame over it. Especially now that we aren’t together. I am a dirty and used strip of rag. Soiled and rotten.
“Oh, Lucy,” Hadley says, pulling me against her. “That feeling is the pits. I’ve definitely been in a similar situation before, and it takes a long time to heal. But it helps when you have people around who love you. Please don’t keep us at arms length regarding these things anymore. We are the last people who will judge you, okay? You know my past. It’s not pretty. But that didn’t mean I wasn’t worthy of good things. That’s what Braxton told me. And it’s what you and your sister told me, too. Now I’m saying it back to you. Lucy May Spence, you are worthy of good things.”
“Did you read the book he gave you?” Lorelei asks.
I shake my head.
“That’s the first thing you’re doing when you get back, understand? While I’m not okay with how he went about everything, Istill think you should read it. Maybe it will help with closure. It’s good to have all the facts.”
I nod, not sure if I’m going to listen to her or not. I have started reading one journal, however. “I did bring Grandma Netty’s journal. I was reading it on the way here. This one line stopped me in my tracks: ‘You were called to surrender. What you choose to give yourself over to is determined by you.’ I was surrendering myself to him because of how bored and alone I was. I missed you, Lor. I missed—and still miss—Karoline. I didn’t want to infringe upon your life, Hadley. I felt… rejected. And I think that caused me to cling to Stone. He was fun, interesting, and while we pretended, he showered me with so much attention. And when it became real, and we began opening up to one another, I knew I loved him like I’ve never loved a man before. I know I fall easily and quickly, but with him, everything was different. Regardless, he took the edge off my pain, and I don’t think it was just because of our chemistry, though I realize I was most definitely addicted to sex with him. But ultimately, it’s justhim.I was stoned off of Stone.”
I hold back laughter as I watch them roll their eyes and grin.
“There’s a start. You’re cracking bad jokes,” Lorelei muses.
“Ha, you said ‘crack’ing,” Hadley echoes, and all three of us laugh like hyenas. It feels so good.
But then I start to cry again. “Saying goodbye… It hurts like no other goodbye I’ve said in my life. Deep down, regardless of the situation we found ourselves in, I think I started believing forever was attached to him. I don’t know if it was the sex or loneliness or actually him. Outside of his slow emotional processing, I adore so many things about him. That’s why it hurts sofreaking bad.”
“Did you know the word goodbye originally comes from the phrase ‘God be with ye?’ If you think about it, goodbyes aren’t always permanent. Sometimes you just have to entrust another person to God because you aren’t Him.”
I stare at my too-smart sister, hope blossoming within my soul. Could that be the case? Will God give him back to me one day? Hope is a dangerous feeling, but I desperately want to cling to it.
After a moment, when no one responds, Lorelei speaks up again. “Have you considered seeking therapy for depression, anxiety, and sex addiction? Maybe it could help.”
I sigh. “It’s crossed my mind once, but I’m not even sure where to begin. Is there a Christian woman I could go to? I don’t want a secular therapist who is just going to tell me to love myself more. That’s a bunch of bull. But I also don’t want a Christian therapist who is just going to tell me to pray more and try harder. That doesn’t work very well, either.”
“Actually, I know of a woman who might work for you,” Hadley says, “if you’re comfortable seeing Braxton’s sister, Brandi.”
Brandi?“She’s a therapist?”
