Why can’t I be like Taylor Swift and infuse all my heartbreak into songs instead of crafting full-length novels? My poetry is my escape from pain, but I can’t sing, and I don’t think my audience would like my anguished poems.
My readers wanthappy.They want perfect communication. They want clean characters. They want unrealistic, eternal joy…
“Gah!” I scream aloud as I throw the pen I was holding at the door, which I didn’t realize was opening until it was too late.
The pen hits Stone in the forehead, and for one derisory second, my lips twitch as I bask in the teensy karma-filled moment gifted to me.
But then I control my expression because I’m at work and he’s technically my boss.
And he has a bouquet of…
Ferrero Rochers?
“Well, Lucy May. I guess I deserved that one.” He rubs his forehead and closes the door to my office. He picks up the pen and walks over to my desk, setting it down in front of me alongside the wrapped chocolates on fake flower stems. His arm is fully in my line of vision, and I get a wild hair to bite it. Whether it’s to deliver pain or pleasure, I don’t yet know.
“Are you here to talk to me as my boss, or…” I don’t say the word boyfriend, because regardless of my twisted thinking on Friday night and the following morning, I don’t know where we stand.He never said he loved me…
But he brought my favorite chocolates…
He sighs and leans his backside against my desk. I don’t bother to spin my chair to address him, but I can smell his cologne—an intoxicating blend of cedarwood, sage, and cocoa. He wears Bad Boy by Carolina Herrera. I snooped through his bathroom while I was over at his house and sprayed my shirt with it before I left.
How fitting that he chose that brand.
“I’m sorry I haven’t responded. No, I won’t use the excuse I was busy. I could have texted back, but I—” He pauses, and I side-eye him.He has his head hung and hands folded. “I’m processing everything. I’m sorry I’m a slow processor, but Lucy, I don’t want to hurt you. I’ve had so much fun with you over the past four months, and I like the friendship we’ve built. I care about you, and I respect you. I shouldn’t have let my desires get the best of me on my birthday after you told me you felt guilty overus.After you said you loved me. You deserve so much better than that.”
My mind reels over his words, glitching over his honesty. I fully expected some lame excuse such as being too busy or saying his phone died.
“Uh, I—” I shake my head and finally turn to meet him, my words breathy. “It’s okay. Thank you for your honesty.”But if he says he’s too good for you, you’re supposed to believe him…
He looks down at me, and by the puffiness of his cheeks and the red tinting the whites of his eyes, I swear he’s been crying.
I stand, and against my better judgment, I throw my arms around his neck and pull him tight. If this is the last time I’m going to get to hug him, I’m making it count.
One hand plays with his hair while my other slides down his chest. I risk a glance at him, and those blue-gray storm clouds have once again formed in his eyes.
My body tingles, and it’s as if I’ve forgotten all of my anxieties and worries. He’s here. In my arms. Looking at me as if he wants me. And he brought me apology chocolates…
“It’s okay, Quartz.” I stand on my tiptoes and kiss his lips. It’s just a small peck, but I aim to reassure him that I’m fine.
Even if I know deep down that I’m not.
I can fake it ‘til I make it.
He finally slides his arms around my waist and tugs me closer to him.
“I understand commitment is hard for you. I understand you may not be ready. But can I ask you, once again, to try?”Please, please don’t leave me alone…
His Adam's apple bobbles as he swallows. I can practically feel the nervous energy radiating off him. He releases his hold and moves his hands to grip my hips. “I don’t know, Lucy. I’m really trying to work it all out in my head. I’m trying to overcome my fear. I don’t understand why it’s so hard for me, but it is. My head feels like a hurricane and typhoon are clashing together.”
I nod, biting my bottom lip to stop myself from blurting practical ways he could work on those issues. This is clearly something he needs to work through himself, even if every moment that passes rips me to shreds, taking the stitches he had once sewn into me out one by one.
Hello, Numb String. Welcome back, Old Friend. Time to double-down.
“Can we continue seeing each other through the Halloween Bash and then reconvene? Is that enough time for you to process? We can press pause on this conversation until then.”
Stone sighs, closes his eyes, but he nods all the same before kissing my forehead. “What are you doing tonight? Want to come over and watch a movie?”
I think of Grandma Netty. I should have dinner with her, but my heart yearns for Stone. Maybe if I can just spend a little more time with him, it will convince him that I’m a woman worth settling down with.Am I, though?“I’d love to.”
