cloaking in darkness
a shadow so familiar
under my bed
around the corner
further in line
outside my door
nowhere and everywhere
consuming my existence
suffocating my presence
Loneliness: a predatory sentience
Chapter 15
Lucy
“Seriously, Karoline! Help me out, girl. I have no idea what to get this man, and I’m usually great at gifts. All I can think about is writing him a love letter, but I can’t do that because—” I cut myself off because there’s no way I can tell him I love him, but she doesn’t need to know that. She doesn’t need to know me and Stone are a few weeks past his typical three-month period. She doesn’t need to know I have refrained from sex with him for the past month on a stupid bargain with the God I’m not sure cares but I’m too entrenched in religion to give up in case He does. She doesn’t need to know I feel splintered because I want to tell him I love him, but I’m terrified that would be the nail in the coffin to this relationship I have with him.
“You want him to say it first, I get that,” Karoline finishes over the phone. “Is there anything he has been hinting at or outright saying he wants or needs?”
I groan. “Ugh, no. And anytime I ask, he says he has everything he needs with me. His birthday is tonight, and he said we’re celebrating after our final business meeting with the investors.”
“Aww, how cute. I love that he says that to you.”
“Vroom, are you ready?” I hear Karoline’s husband, Mason Kane, a famous country singer, shout.
Karoline must have muffled the phone because I hardly hear her when she shouts back, “Almost.”
“Okay, Lucy, I’ve gotta run now. We’re heading to Nashville, but I’ll text you some ideas.”
“Bye, Kar. Have fun and eat delicious food for me at that Turkish restaurant.”
“Ah, I know. I’m so excited!” I can hear pure joy in her voice, and for a moment, I wish I had that. A solid life. A husband who adored me and loved me. The idea of a family on the horizon. “Love you, bye.”
“Love you,” I say with as much bravado I can, then I hang up and toss my phone onto my pink quilted bedspread.
“Well, shoot.” I whisper to myself as I stand in front of the mirror smoothing down my black peplum dress. “What does one gift her boyfriend who she’s terrified is going to break up with her at any moment because we’ve reached the limit?”
At this point, I’m going to have to tell him that what I ordered him is running late and that he’ll get his present as soon as it comes in.
Whatever it is I finally decideon…
A meow pulls me from my thoughts, and I look down at my feet to find my cat, Frannie, who has been my sole companion during the dark nights as of late.
“At least you stayed.” Her green eyes seem to be on the verge of spilling tears at any given moment, and I can’t say that I blame her. I glance over to the chocolate brown couch where Lorelei and I used to lay together watching movies or just chatting about life. Frannie and Frizzle, Lorelei’s cat and Frannie’s twin, would often jump on us, and it would be a little redheaded twin girl pile.
Those memories are a double-edged sword. Making me smile and want to scream at the same time.
“I know, Frannie. I miss them, too.”
I check the time and realize Stone will be here to pick me up in thirty minutes, and my makeup still isn’t done. I set to work while listening to worship songs instead of Taylor Swift as Hadley once instructed me to do. Though, if I’m being honest, it’s doing nothing for me. In fact, it’s making me angry.
