She was annoyed that he was annoyed because how dare he feel a way about a game he started.
He walked into her space and gripped her face, kissing her lips. “I swear you give me a fucking headache, Anastassia. Fix your attitude.”
“Nah, how about you fix your fucked-up actions that’s making me catch an attitude,” she shouted. He backpedaled and then pushed out of the door that led to the stairwell. He was too mad to even wait for the elevator. She shook her head. Her life was a mess, and she knew she would have to hold on tight to her boundaries because Day had a way of finessing her. He was so charming, so good at seduction. She wanted him. Even now. Even still. She knew all it took was a night in his bed to make her feel better, but she needed more from him. She needed consistency, and she wasn’t even sure if he was capable of that. A man like Grayson stood on that. No way was she settling for less.
Chapter 16
Ineed you to burn me, baby.
Charlie’s insides ached as she heard his voice play in her head. She missed Demi terribly. Being apart felt like the worst form of pain, and she wondered if she was torturing herself more than she was torturing Demi. Charlie knew that feeling sad without Demi wasn’t a good enough reason to go back to him. The end of a relationship was supposed to hurt. She knew that much.
I just have to get through this,she thought.It will get better with time.
At least it was supposed to. That’s what all the self-help bullshit said. She didn’t quite understand how life would ever be okay without him. She loved him that much. She wondered if he was doing okay. She wondered where he was and who he was with. These were all questions he would willingly answer, but Charlie was too stubborn to call. She wanted him to think that she didn’t care. She wanted him to feel unimportant like she had for the past few weeks.
The nausea that plagued her was crippling, and she wished he was here to baby her. She knew he would give her everything her heart desired. Even before she had gotten pregnant, Demi spoiled her endlessly. Neck rubs and foot massages, randomly. Serving her. Coddling her. Eating her. Affirming her. His obsession with all things Charlie made her feel like a queen. Sheneeded that attention right now. On a day when it took great effort to hold herself up in the shower, she needed it badly. She had no idea it took so much work to bring a child into the world. She was used to beautiful, brown bellies and balloon arches at baby showers. The maternity pictures and over-the-top celebrations covered up the pure hell women went through during those 40 weeks. She would be 12 weeks in a few days, and she couldn’t wait to be out of the danger zone. Her OB had told her that her chances for miscarriage dropped drastically at the 12-week mark and her nausea should ease some, so she was eagerly counting the days.
Charlie was struggling, and she was too damn mad at everybody to ask for help. Demi was on her shit list. Lauren, she just hated, and although she knew it was unwarranted, she just couldn’t shake the jealousy she felt whenever Lauren was around. It was almost an admiration. Lauren was just everything that Charlie wished she could be. She was successful, driven, smart, tough, and so damn graceful. It was the respect that Demi had for Lauren that made Charlie admire her most. Lauren had done and said a lot of bullshit over the years regarding Demi and Charlie, but Demi still put her on a pedestal. He still viewed her as someone he looked up to. Charlie would never have that part of him. His respect was impossible to earn. She had no idea that his love was just as hard to receive. He had spoiled her by giving it away to her so freely. At first sight, and at first listen, Demi had emptied his pockets like she had stuck him up. She had robbed him of his heart, and she took that for granted. Demi was a hard, reluctant, untrusting, and unyielding man. He wasn’t soft on anyone, but that’s all he could be with Charlie. She couldn’t see it, though, because she was too busy comparing what he gave her to what he gave to Lauren. Hell, she compared the energy everyone gave to Lauren.
Even my own sister took her side,Charlie thought. The self-pity was high. Charlie had a bone to pick with everybody. She wasn’t asking the people she loved to leave Lauren high and dry. She just wanted them not to forget her.
I just want to be there too. It’s like my feelings don’t even count,she thought. She found herself walking toward DJ’s room. It was cryptic to push open the door. It was like a museum to Demi’s dead son, and the lump that suddenly formed in her throat seemed to suffocate her. She just felt like crying. The thought of DJ made her emotional in ways she couldn’t quite explain. She sat on his bed, and her eyes fell on the book she had never gotten the chance to gift him.
My Big Brother & Me
It was a journal that Charlie had gotten made for DJ to try and get him excited about the possibility of having a sibling. She flipped open the page and stared at the ultrasound picture she had taped on the inside cover.
To DJ, my big brother. I can’t wait to meet you. Our daddy tells me about you every night. I’m so glad that God decided to bring us together. You’re going to be the best big brother ever. I love you already.
Tears spilled from her eyes. She had never gotten a chance to give it to him. DJ had never even gotten a chance to connect with the idea of their family growing. She had been confident that a new baby would be what was needed to make him start to see her as family. No, she wasn’t his parent, but Charlie still felt this loss. Nobody even cared that she was hurting, too.
I can tell him myself,she thought. She had to do something with this guilt. She may not have been welcome to express her sorrow at the funeral, but she could visit him. That wouldn’thurt anyone, would it? She grabbed her keys and coat and then rushed out with a newfound determination. It was freezing outside, but Charlie trudged through the snow and ice anyway. She had been so secluded from the services that she didn’t even know where DJ was buried. She called Stassi and waited anxiously for her sister to answer.
“Where have you been? I’ve been calling you!” Stassi shouted as soon as she picked up the call.
“You know why I’m not fucking with you,” Charlie said.
“Charlie, what was I supposed to-”
“Don’t make me regret calling you by defending your bullshit,” Charlie interrupted.
Stassi sucked her teeth and sighed. “I’m just saying, it’s a tough situation. You’re my sister, and I love you, but…”
“Just tell me where DJ’s grave is, Stassi. If you want to make it up to me, do that. Everybody got to say goodbye except for me.”
“Where’s Demi? Why can’t he take you?” Stassi asked.
“I kicked Demi out,” she revealed.
The line went silent.
“Hello?” Charlie shouted.
“Charlie, you’re going to break that man,” Stassi whispered.
“Since when do you even care?” Charlie asked as she drove. Stassi had been anti-Demi their entire relationship. This new advocacy was strange.
“I don’t know, but doesn’t a dead kid make everything else seem insignificant? I mean, you’re carrying his child, Charlie. You’re probably all he has left,” Stassi reasoned.
