Lauren sighed and came to Demi’s side. They shared so much passion that she couldn’t help but feel resentment. She also felt pity.
Lauren knocked on the door lightly.
“Charlie, I know I’ve been hard on you. I want to be sorry for that, but it’s just so fresh. I can’t apologize because I’m not sure if I should be apologizing or not. All I can do is be real with you. Woman to woman. I didn’t want you at DJ’s funeral because…” Lauren paused and swallowed the lump in her throat. Demi looked at her bewildered, unsure if Lauren was making things better or worse. “Because of so many reasons. I blame you for breaking up my family. I blame you for my son feeling like he lost his daddy. I’m so damn jealous of the way Demi is with you…”
Shock cut across Demi’s face and Lauren shook her head. “I hated when I found out you were pregnant, and now that my son is gone, I can’t even look at you. It feels like he’s replaced. It feels like you’re living the version of a life I should have had with Demi and that hurts. I didn’t want to be the only parent grieving our son at his own funeral. Demi gets another chance at parenthood with you. I needed him by my side today. I couldn’t let you be there. I couldn’t stomach it. I’m not saying it’s right;it’s just how I felt, and I hope you never have to experience it to be able to relate. I needed Demi to be my child’s father today, not yours. It was harsh, and I’m sorry if you were hurt by that, but it’s a mother’s worst nightmare. I know I need to work out my feelings somewhere else because Demi is who I should be having these hard conversations with. It’s not on you. I know it’s not on you, deep down. You are just a trigger for me. This is your house. You’re right. I shouldn’t have come here after the way I treated you. If anybody should go, it should be me. You’re pregnant, and I’m not trying to be the reason anything happens to another woman’s baby. Please come out of this bathroom. Locked bathroom doors feel very fresh to us right now. It’s too soon. I don’t want anyone else to get hurt.”
Demi damn near held his breath as nothing but silence filled the air. When he heard the lock turn, he breathed a sigh of relief.
Charlie pulled open the door, and Demi was there.
“You’re welcome,” Lauren said as she turned to make her exit. She collected her bag from the couch.
“I’ll brave the snow,” Lauren said. “You two clearly have some stuff to work out in private.”
“Nobody’s leaving here tonight,” Demi stated. “I should have handled you better,” he whispered to Charlie. “Bird…look at me…burn me, baby,” he whispered.
Charlie refused to look at him. She was still so angry. “Lauren, you can take DJ’s room,” Charlie said. She turned to Demi. “And you can sleep on the couch.”
“We got a whole guest room,” Demi said.
“And your ass still gon’ sleep on the couch,” Charlie snapped as she walked by him and headed back to her bedroom. The door slammed so hard that Demi flinched.
Lauren gave him a knowing look. “Guess she told you,” she said, shrugging before retiring for the night.
“She know this couch gon’ tear my ass up,” Demi complained.
“I think that’s her point,” Lauren called out over her shoulder as she disappeared down the hallway.
Demi had never thought the three of them would be sleeping under one roof, but tragedy made a mockery of their circumstances. He didn’t know how to split his allegiances without offending one or the other. Tonight, he was just grateful that neither Charlie nor Lauren had left. He would take the couch, and he prayed for clarity in the morning. All he knew was that he didn’t want to lose Charlie while honoring his son, and he didn’t want to abandon Lauren and disrespect his son’s memory. He felt responsible for both women. It was a balancing act beyond his ability, however, and it felt like he was failing them both.
Chapter 14
Charlie didn’t sleep. She couldn’t. Between the nausea and the relationship drama, Charlie couldn’t get her body to relax. She climbed out of bed and crept out toward the kitchen. She didn’t turn on a light. She knew the house by heart. She didn’t want to wake Demi up because she wasn’t ready to face him again. She rounded the corner, and the glow from the open refrigerator shined on Lauren.
“Oh, I was just…grabbing water,” Lauren said as she took a bottle out of the refrigerator and moved aside.
“Sure, make yourself at home,” Charlie said sarcastically. An awkward silence fell over them as Charlie opened the cabinet and pulled out a box of tea. She filled her kettle and placed it on the stove. It clicked as the fire ignited.
“DJ’s room. It’s nice. All his favorite things are here,” Lauren said.
Charlie reluctantly replied. “Yeah, I wanted him to be comfortable. I wanted it to feel like home…” Charlie’s eyes watered, and she quickly gained her composure. “I cared about him, Lauren. I hate that I never really got a chance to show him, but I was excited to be a part of his life. You could have at least let me walk to his casket to say goodbye and that I’m sorry. He was just a little boy. I was so afraid of him. Like, afraid to say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing. I just wanted him to like coming over here.”
“I painted a bad picture of you, Charlie. For a long time,” Lauren admitted. “Being mad at you is a deflection from being mad at myself.”
Charlie looked at her in shock.
“I’m sorry you didn’t get to say goodbye. Anybody who loved DJ deserved that chance,” Lauren whispered.
“You really do have Demi eating out of the palm of your hands; you know that, right?” Lauren asked.
“Are you fucking him, Lo? Are you taking him back? Like, is this what this is? You’re being nice to me to set me up for the gut punch? I know he’s been staying at your house. I know he’s practically been playing the husband role. Did you get your lick back?” Charlie asked.
Lauren’s silence made Charlie ill. “I fucking knew it,” she whispered dreadfully.
“No, Charlie,” Lauren answered. The relief that filled Charlie pushed a breath of angst from her soul. Lauren could see it. “The only thing Demi and I have done is parent our boy. No lines were crossed. Emotions were high, and I’ll always love him. We spent 15 years together, and even after his bullshit, he’s still important in my life, especially now. But I know Demi isn’t the man for me. I don’t think he ever was because he ended up here with you.”
“Only he’s not here. He’s there with you. I’m here alone,” Charlie whispered. The kettle whistled, and Charlie turned to take it off the stove.
