“I had a real bad day, Bird,” he said, face twisting as the weight of everything he had been carrying suddenly hit his shoulders. He was fighting himself. Demi just wanted to cry. He needed to cry, and when Charlie sat up and put her hands on his back, he almost allowed himself the privilege to feel her. Then, he remembered Justin. He pictured her hands touching another nigga the way she touched him, and he tensed. She didn’t miss it.
“You fucked him, Bird? Have you been fucking that nigga?” Demi asked.
Charlie scoffed in disbelief and jolted her body from the bed. She kicked off those covers with so much aggression that Demi’s eyes widened in surprise.
“You really got to ask me some shit like that?” Charlie screamed. “After you’ve been gone all week! Living with your ex-wife! Caring for her! Completely shutting me the fuck out! Noooo,” she shouted like a mad woman. I didn’t fuck Justin! I didn’t even know he was going to be there! I went searching for music because I was lonely and hurt! I didn’t know he was going to be performing there! I couldn’t be here because you weren’t here, and I was depressed! I was miserable because you gave her the authority to put me out of your life! Like I’m nothing! Like I’m fucking optional. Oh, I’ll take Demi, but leave Charlie at home! You made me feel unwelcome in your life, and you got the nerve to ask me ifI’mthe one fucking somebody else! Nigga, are you?!”
Demi had never heard Charlie snap like this. The animosity in her voice and the tears raging from her eyes rattled him, and he stood.
“Nah, nigga, sit your ass down! You not towering over me with all that pent-up fucking anger and grief! I’m tired! I’m fucking exhausted from trying to make you want me. Trying to make myself less offensive to that bitch you used to call a wife!”
“Mannn,” Demi interrupted, knowing that Lauren was under this roof, listening to every vicious word that was said.
“No, fuck you! And fuck her! You didn’t even take up for me! You didn’t even pretend like you wanted me there! You treated me like you were ashamed of me. Like I didn’t even belong.”
“You didn’t!” Demi shouted back. His words stunned her, and she physically recoiled. “I know you wanted to be there. I might have even needed you there, but you didn’t belong there, Bird! My son hated you! His mother hates you! I left them for somebody they hated, and you wanted me to flaunt you in her face while we said goodbye to our only child? I’m the only one who wanted you there. I needed you! I always need you. From day fucking one, I looked at you, and I wanted you. Had to haveyou. Wasn’t nobody making me come up off you because you were all under my skin. All in a nigga heart. In my head. That voice. Those eyes. I needed all that. All it took was one night with you to take me away from 15 years of a life I had somewhere else. And I was serious about you. I left my family to keep you, and now I got to live with that shit! I got to live with the fact that I chose you over my son’s mental health. He killed himself because I left! It didn’t matter if I wanted you to be there. Lo didn’t, so you couldn’t be there, and I’m sorry for that, baby. I’m sorry, but today wasn’t about you.”
Charlie was bawling. Neither of them was wrong. That was the hard part about it. Two things were true. No lies were told. It was a harsh consequence of the fact that their relationship was birthed from an affair. Their love injured people. It was so potent that it had become poisonous.
“This is my fault,” Demi said, lowering his voice and bowing his head, breaking down. “I love you, Bird. I’m obsessed with everything about you, and it cost me my son.”
“That’s not fair,” Charlie whispered. His tears and hers made a river of love, and they couldn’t swim.
“It’s not. I know. It’s not. None of this shit is fair. His body was so small in that casket, Bird. How am I here, and he’s under the ground? That’s what’s not fair. You feeling a little left out is the small price to pay in all this.”
Charlie was so hurt. Demi felt relief oddly. So much emotion had been pent up inside him, and this fight was like the draining of an infectious wound. It hurt so bad, but it was the only way he could even start to heal. “I’m in love with you, baby, but this is all I got to give you right now, though, and it might not be enough. My baby boy broke me. I just got to get through this.”
“You will and I’m praying for you, just like I been praying all week,” Charlie whispered. She removed the ring from her finger and set it on the nightstand. “But we won’t.”
It was like Charlie was moving in slow motion as she made her way to the master closet. When she pulled out a suitcase, he realized that she had thought about this. This wasn’t a spur-of-the-moment decision that had come during this argument. She was leaving him. He was losing her, and as she walked down the hallway, Demi felt the world narrowing in on him. How the fuck had this happened? They were just happy. They were just celebrating their engagement and their pregnancy. She had said yes to marrying him. They were supposed to be stronger than this. He was going through one of life’s toughest seasons. Why was she throwing in the towel so easily? Demi felt betrayed. He felt abandoned.
“Bird! Fuck you mean? Put your shit back, baby,” he said, pulling the suitcase from her hands. “You not leaving me, Bird. Just listen to me.”
Charlie shook her head. “Fine, keep the clothes. You bought them anyway. I don’t want anything else from you.”
“What the fuck, man?” Demi was having a meltdown. This couldn’t be happening to him, especially not right after the death of his son. His life was unraveling more and more as each day passed by. “What I’m supposed to do without you?” Demi asked as he damn near chased behind her. He couldn’t even believe these were his words, but he loved her too much to let her leave without a fight. “What do you want me to do, Bird? Just name your price!”
When Charlie rounded the corner and found Lauren sitting awkwardly in their living room, her feet stopped moving.
“You have got to be fucking kidding me,” Charlie scoffed. “What is she doing in my house?”
“Believe me, I don’t want to be here,” Lauren said.
“Lo, mind your business!” Demi said sternly, but he couldn’t even lend her a gaze. His eyes were locked on Charlie.
“Why is she here?!” Charlie shouted. “She has free rein to walk into my house whenever she wants, but I can’t come to pay respects at a funeral?” Charlie was so mad that she jabbed Demi’s ass. “Are you fucking kidding me? You see how you let another woman just make the rules for you? That’s not supposed to fuck with me?”
“She got me out of jail, Bird. It’s at least two feet of snow on the ground. She couldn’t drive back home,” Demi explained.
“So you invited her intomyhouse?” Charlie asked. “After she humiliated me today? After you both made me look like a fool?” Charlie was so emotional that she was hyperventilating from crying so hard.
“Bird, I’ma need you to calm down, baby, you’re pregnant,” Demi said, lowering his voice and grabbing both of her hands. Charlie sobbed as he pulled her into his body. “I know, baby. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, Bird.” Lauren rolled her eyes as Demi embraced Charlie.
“You make me feel like I’ll never measure up to her! Like I’ll always be the side chick that comes second to your family!” she shouted, pushing against him. “Just let me go!” She snatched away from him, embarrassed and frustrated, retreating to the half bathroom.
Demi blew out a breath of overwhelm. He knew the situation was tense and a bit inconvenient for Charlie, but he didn’t know it would turn out this badly. He expected to have some ass-kissing to do, some spoiling to indulge in, and some reassuring to provide, but had he done enough for her to leave him? His son had died. She was too emotional to reason with. Or was he too emotional to empathize with her? He couldn’t tell at this point. They were both on different ends of the spectrum of crazy, and they were out of touch with each other’s emotions. The heightened stakes that had been thrown into their lives had turned them into enemies. Death did that. It uprooted everypiece of normalcy that existed in a person’s life. It picked off scabs to wounds that were supposed to be long healed. DJ’s death had unearthed an insecurity in Charlie that he didn’t even know existed.
The locked door made him panic. His son had cut himself in secrecy behind a locked door just like this, and in the state Charlie was in, his mind went to the worst-case scenario. “Open the door, Bird!” he shouted. He rattled the door handle. He wanted to snatch the door off the hinges, but instead, he leaned his head against it. “Bird, just talk to me, baby. You said you been wanting to talk. I’m right here.”
