The next five months were the best of my life. My best friend, the man I had come to know and love, couldn’t fucking keep his hands off me. And I was just as bad. Adam was a stud in the sack. He’d fucked me in every inch of his place and mine.
But then everything went to hell.
I might not be the love of his life, but he is mine, and I’ll be damned if I bring him home under a fucking flag.
My phone buzzed in my pocket again. It had been buzzing for a while now. But I didn’t fucking care. It wasn’t the notification to report, which was the only message I wanted to get.
I needed help. I gazed at the apartment, seeing him in every nook and cranny. Ghost-like images of him walked around the apartment with a multitude of expressions: laughing so hard tears ran down his face, angry, frustrated, horny as hell, possessed with the sexual predator that he kept locked awayuntil it burst forth and went berserk. Jesus Christ, I missed being with him.
God, if you’re listening, I’ll do whatever you want. Just save him. Please, God, bring him home to us, alive and well.
Tears filled my eyes as I texted the team, asking them to meet me at my place. I wouldn’t out the relationship, only my feelings for Adam, but I needed the team’s help because I refused to sit on my ass while Adam was tortured and possibly killed.
When I pulled up to my house, the team was there. Their trucks, Jeeps, and cars lined the street. I sighed when I pulled into my garage. I closed my eyes as the emotion surged like it always did when I came home.
Adam and I had spent many weekends here working on my little fixer-upper. Even though we’d split up, when I told him I’d bought a house, he offered to help. We’d done a lot of work on the place, but we’d done so many other things in this house too. Things we couldn’t keep from happening. Things that had made the house feel like a home.
A home that I hoped one day we’d be able to live in together.
That wouldn’t happen. I’d known that. It couldn’t happen. We’d gone over the issue when we split, and every fucking time we slipped up and found ourselves hot, sweaty, and naked while recovering from yet another fuck that we just couldn’t control.
We were teammates, and the military didn’t understand that a person could serve and be gay. So, we hid. Taking leave together under the guise we were visiting his grandparents—andwe had, but only for a day or two. Then we’d hole up in a cabin or on a beach somewhere remote so we could be our authentic selves. Moments we’d snatched from our meager time off.
We’d just celebrated our anniversary before we’d had that final fight. However, Adam wouldn’t have ever called it an anniversary because, to him, we weren’t together. We were just two buddies hanging out. Even if we were getting our rocks off together on a regular basis.
Steeling myself, I got out of my truck. I could tell the guys were all pissed. I assumed they were pissed at me because I’d ignored them all fucking day. I’d seen the notifications when I sent the group text asking them to meet me here.
“Well, at least ye aren’t fecking dead,” Finlay said.
Yep, he isn’t a happy fucking camper.
Sighing, I walked through the group and unlocked the door. “Come on inside. I’ll explain everything.”
They filed in behind me. A couple of them headed to the fridge for drinks while the others pulled a barstool out from the island that separated the kitchen and waited.
Once everyone was settled in, I said, “I’m struggling. I don’t know how else to tell you how bad I’m struggling other than to tell y’all something I should keep to myself. You’re my brothers, though, so I’m gonna put my trust in all of you.”
Foster cleared his throat and said, “You do not have to do this. We all know you and Adam are closer than teammates. You can leave it at that.”
I watched as all the guys nodded. None of them said anything at first.
Finally, Carson said, “Dude, whatever you think you need to say, whatever you were getting ready to say…don’t.”
I sighed. “I’m sorry. I realize now I’m putting you guys at risk.”
Carson shook his head. “No. That’s not it. It’s because it doesn’t need to be said. Whatever you’ve been keeping to yourself doesn’t change who you are. You are our teammate. Our brother. Fuck the naysayers. They’re idiots.”
Tears threatened, but I cleared my throat, pressing my thumb and forefinger into my sockets as I fought to keep the tears at bay. “The fucking waiting is killing me. I don’t understand why there’s even a fucking question about going to get him.”
The room was filled with derisive comments from a whole team of pissed-off SEALs. We were united in our anger about the situation. Foster’s phone rang, interrupting the chaotic cacophony. It was the same ringtone we all had for Mercer.
“Yeah?” Foster asked when he answered.
He never said another word, but he didn’t have to. His face said it all. I dropped my head, wrapped my arms around myself, and tried my damnedest to hold myself to-fucking-gether.
“Roger that, sir,” Foster said before he hung up the phone. He turned his back to us and walked to the front windows. “We’ve been declared undeployable and given leave for the next thirty days. We are not to report to base during that time.”
I stared a hole in his back as he stared out over the front yard, waiting for him to explain.
