I leaned my forehead against his and closed my eyes, relishing the close contact. “Don’t sell us short, Woody. We’d rock this shit if the obstacles weren’t what they were.”
“Yeah,” he sighed, his head banging against the wall behind us. He grinned. “We would rock this shit.” The smile faded. “If DADT weren’t in our way…”
I held my breath, waiting with bated breath. I wanted to hear him say the words just one damn time.
After several minutes of silence, I sighed. “Yeah. That’s the insurmountable problem. It’s the only one that we cannot get around.”
“What do you mean? We’re on the same team. That doesn’t work either.”
“Adam, if it meant being able to be with you the way I want to be with you, I’d leave Alpha team.”
Shock filled his face. His mouth fell open. He looked ridiculous, to be honest, like a fish out of water, gawping at me.
Finally, the shock faded somewhat, and he asked, “You’d leave Alpha? Leave me?”
“I’ll never leave you, Wood. Never. But to have you, be able to acknowledge you as mine publicly? Yeah. I’d walk away from the teams,” I said, turning to him, taking his face in my hands so he could realize the depth and breadth of my feelings for him.
This wasn’t just sexual to me. I could get my rocks off anytime with pretty much my pick of guys. But I didn’t want them. I wanted what Adam and I were building together. Fantastic sex, a great friendship that was growing into something so much more. What I felt for Adam DuBois was next realm shit. As cheesy as it sounded-—he completed me. He was the other half of my soul.
“Where would you go?” His voice was small and unsure.
“I don’t know. I’d have to put some feelers out,” I said. “Maybe as an instructor for Green Team. They could always use an extra set of hands.”
“We’re gone three hundred days a year. When would we see each other?”
“I know, and being away from you would suck, but if DADT is repealed and I left Alpha, we’d be able to be together.”
“No matter what, we’re together, but apart. It seems to be our only option.”
I frowned. He wasn’t wrong. If DADT was repealed…
Please, God, let it be repealed. Not just for us, but for so damn many of us in the service who live in fear and must hide to serve our country.
But if it was repealed and Adam and I wanted to be together fully, one of us would have to transfer.
“Damned if we do and damned if we don’t,” I said.
His forehead dropped against mine for several moments until he pulled back, staring into my eyes. I didn’t know what he was looking for, but he must have found it because his mouth turned into a slight grin and he kissed me.
Our mouths moved together slowly. Knowing this was likely the last chance we had with one another, I didn’t want to rush it. I wanted to savor every second.
One of our phones buzzed on the coffee table. Then the other one buzzed too.
We pulled away from one another, our heads turning to where our phones lay. They continued to vibrate. That vibration could only mean one thing.
I stood, walked to the phones, and tossed Adam his. I looked at my phone, seeing exactly what I didn’t want to see, but what I knew would be there.
I wanted to cry. It wasn’t fucking fair. We needed more time.
Will more time change anything?
I pushed the thought away. I didn’t need to answer the question. It wouldn’t change fucking anything. We were Winchester, pinned down between a rock and a hard place with nowhere to go and no other options. Our goose was cooked, and that was that.
I knew this was likely the last chance we’d get to be together like this, but I couldn’t lose him. Not like this. Not over something so tiny that we’d been able to laugh off and explain away. We’d been seen eating dinner together by some pissy-ass little twerp. We’d been careless. Or rather, I’d been careless. I’d touched Adam’s hand where it lay on the table.
That had been the end of us as anything more than friends and teammates. I’d had hopes that things might change. The repeal was in the works, but gays were still being dishonorably discharged. If it did change, military wheels turned slow, it would take some time, and then there was the team issue.
The issue I thought would split us up hadn’t even come into play. After Adam and I’d fucked that first time, I figured he’d wig the fuck out and say it was a mistake and butt stuff wasn’t his thing, but he hadn’t. He’d embraced his spot on the sexuality spectrum with vigor.
