No, no, no.
How could he say he loved her when he had thought being with her would turn him into a laughingstock?
****
Everything was alreadytaken care of when she arrived at the hotel. A suite booked under her name. Room service already waiting when she got to her room. A private butler to take care of her every need.
It was all very thoughtful of him, but this only made her curl up on the carpeted floor as sobs started rocking her body. Didn't such actions indicate guilt, not love? Colin felt bad, so of course he wanted to make it up to her.
Hope eventually cried herself to sleep, and it was already dark outside when she woke. Her head pounded dreadfully, and it took her an eternity to get to her feet.
Oh.
When she stepped out of the bedroom, the first thing she saw was the box of medications already waiting for her on the coffee table. She wished she could convince herself this was the butler being thoughtful, but she knew in her heart this was Colin's doing, too.
A new selection of food had also been delivered, and of course it contained all of her favorites. Colin must be feeling terribly guilty, but realizing this only made her feel worse.
Something else on the coffee table caught her eye.
A Bible.
The kind that was always supplied in hotel rooms. Distributed by the Gideon Society if she wasn't mistaken.
She sat on the couch, legs folded under her, and reached for the Bible. Its weight was both familiar and unfamiliar, reminding her of the days she was a little girl, and she had talked to Him all the time. But she had eventually stopped, having convinced herself that God was too busy for someone like her.
I'm sorry, God.
Because somehow, despite this gnawing pain inside of her, she felt His presence more keenly than ever. She opened the Bible, and Hope found herself reading the Book of Judges, Chapter 6.
"If now I have found favor in Your sight, then show me a sign that it is You who speak with me."
She knew this story. And the person speaking was what the society was named after.Gideon.He was chosen by God, but because he had a hard time seeing past his inadequacies to realize God's greatness, he had asked for a sign.
And as soon as this thought popped in her head—-
Ask for a sign.
Hope started crying again.
Go on, child.
Because even though she had given up on Him, God had not given up on her. And it was why He was here now, when she needed Him the most, and even when she didn't deserve Him.
"I'm tired, God," she choked out. "I'm just so tired of trying to figure everything out on my own. I'm tired of acting like I can do things by myself. And I'm sorry for even thinking that I could."
Her gaze turned to the window, and starry skies stared back at her like silent witnesses from the heavens.
"I don't know what to do about Colin. But I know that I can trust You to tell me what to do. So p-please God.P-Please..."
She was sobbing so hard she had to try and try again until she was finally able to speak.
"Give me a sign," Hope said brokenly. "If you want me to fight for Colin, if you want us to be together, show me. Please."
She closed her eyes, and an image of a hawk flashed in her mind.
It was His sign.
If she were to see one, then she would know what to do.
