Dad wasn’t happy when I suggested he get a paternity test for Tessa’s baby that Sunday at dinner, but once he realized it’d been five long months since he’d seen her, there was plenty enough time for her to have gotten pregnant by someone else and play it off as his, he came around. He assumed he’d hear from her doctor on Monday, and I did not ask him to contact me once he had the papers.
No, I didn’t want him to know I was going to do my own little investigation into Tessa and her pregnancy. My dad was eager to believe her. He’d always wanted more kids, along with a family that he was never able to provide me when I was growing up. Even though it’s unconventional, this was sort of like a redo.
I wasn’t going to be so blind when it came to Tessa. I knew her games, knew what she was capable of. In the past, I might have underestimated her, but I wouldn’t do so again. Kieran thought she had something else tucked up her sleeve, that the pregnancy wasn’t the only part of her plan, so I had to keep my eyes peeled.
What a weird saying that was. Keep my eyes peeled. It didn’t even make sense when you thought about it, but whatever.
“If it is mine,” my dad said, carefully setting down his fork, “I would really appreciate it if you were on board.”
All I could do was stare at him.
“I know what Tessa did was unforgivable—and I’ll never forget it, either—but I don’t want to raise a child in that kind of hate.”
“I wouldn’t hate the kid, Dad,” I slowly said, already having been long since done with my dinner. “Tessa, though—”
“Tessa has a lot to prove. If she proves she’s a different person than she was—”
“It’s only been five months. Someone who’s okay with killing me and killing her own brother won’t change that fast.” I sounded like I was laughing when I said it, and that’s because I kind of was. Who did my dad think Tessa was? A brand-new person? Please.
“And what would you know about a person’s ability to change?”
“And how would you? Dad, she tried to—”
“I’m very aware of what she tried to have done,” he said, sounding so goddamn confident, and yet still so wrong. “Do you think this is easy for me, Laina? Do you think I want that woman back in my life after what she orchestrated? No, but a baby changes things.”
With a shake of my head, I muttered, “It shouldn’t change that much.”
He didn’t have any response to that; all he did was sigh. Sigh and look away, and just like that, I knew he was done with this conversation. More than fine, because I was, too. We were going around and around in circles, not really saying anything new. He had a position he would not budge from, and I was the same.
I knew if I asked him to see the proof that she was pregnant, he wouldn’t show it to me. He knew I’d dig into it. It’s why I had to get creative, come here during the week, during the day, to snoop around his office when he was downtown, at work. I’d have to skip classes, but I had three guys who would drop anything to bring me home whenever I wanted.
“Just,” I started, “call me when you know it’s true, please? I need to know.” As soon as he called me, I’d start planning my midweek trip home. It might turn out to be a dead-end, but I’d deal with that when and if the time came.
“Sure, I can do that.” Then the conversation devolved into our typical: how was school, how Kelly was, blah, blah, blah. His heart wasn’t really in it, and for a while I thought it wasbecause he was thinking about Tessa and that possible baby, but eventually I came to a different conclusion.
Now it was my turn to sigh. “Dad, if you want to ask, just ask.”
My dad didn’t miss a beat: “You’re really dating Big Mike? While still seeing Fang?”
“Yes.”
“And do they… know about each other?”
I figured this would be hard for my dad to wrap his head around, so I tried to sound patient when I told him, “Yes, they know about each other.”
The way my dad looked at me right then made it clear he still didn’t quite understand. “And they’re okay with it?”
With a nod, I said, “Yes, they’re okay with it. Times are changing, Dad. Relationships like that might not be normal in the mainstream, but I’m not the first girl to have more than one boyfriend.”
My dad let out a soft chuckle. “I get that, I do. It’s just… you couldn’t have found two boys closer to your own age?”
“They understand me in ways boys my age don’t. Believe it or not, I’m not the typical nineteen-year-old.” Hell, I was almost twenty, but that didn’t pertain to this conversation too much. The fact of the matter was, there was a darkness in me, a quiet rage that set me apart from my peers. I wasn’t like Kelly. I wasn’t like anyone I went to classes with.
I was me. I was Laina fucking Hawkins, and I daydreamed about torture and murder.
So, no, boys who thought the highlight of their week was going to frat parties and getting wasted weren’t my kind of guys. I much preferred men with a dark side of their own.
“How?” my dad asked. “How can men in their thirties understand you at all?”
