“I think it can wait until tomorrow. Professing your love over the phone when you’re drunk is probably not the best move.” I nodded at Bull and put my phone down.
Grabbing the beer in front of me, I decided I would crash upstairs once I was done, then head to Fiona’s first thing in the morning. I just managed to convey that plan to Bull before I went over my limit and blacked out.
Chapter 21
Fiona
After a night where I didn’t get a wink of sleep, I couldn’t help the anxiety and depression that wrapped around me. When Bash had asked me to move in with him, I reacted out of fear instead of love. That word—love—was terrifying. And I did love Bash. As dawn rose over the city, I lay in my bed and let that thought settle in my chest, wash over me, letting it sink into my bones. Instead of fighting these feelings, I finally embraced them.
I was in love with Bash. I wanted to live with him. More importantly, it was okay for me to want those things. It was okay for me to go after them. I was worthy of a life with Bash, of the life he was offering me. Instinctual panic that something that good wouldn’t—couldn’t—possibly last overtook me and smothered any positive responses I could have given in that moment.
Sitting upright, my back against the headboard, I couldn’t help but grab the charm bracelet my brother had given me. I had been keeping it on my nightstand, eyeing it warily since he left it. As I slid the cool metal between my fingers, regret rolled through me. I sighed as I realized how much time and energy I had spent on keeping myself safe.
In reality, I was holding back from Bash, and I was hurting him—both of us—in my desperate effort to protect myself. It was early, not even 6 a.m., but I tried calling him a fewtimes. Unfortunately, his phone was going straight to voicemail. Without thinking about it, I slipped the bracelet on before throwing the blankets off and jumping out of bed.
Getting dressed quickly, I hopped into my car and headed for the house. I needed to see Bash, talk to him. Tell him how I felt, how much he meant to me. He had never given me a reason to doubt him. He had always been there to support me, to make sure I was comfortable. My reaction the night before made me feel awful, and I could only imagine how hard it had been on him.
When I pulled up to the house, I didn’t see his bike, but the truck was out front. Using the set of keys he’d made sure I had since our first date, I let myself in. It was clear no one was home, and hadn’t been all night. I decided to check the clubhouse next before heading to the garage, since it was closer.
A wave of self-consciousness washed over me as I drove past the guard booth, where Danny gave me a short nod. Maybe I was overthinking things, but somehow, I felt like everyone knew something happened, that there was trouble between Bash and me. Parking outside the clubhouse, I thought I recognized his bike among the cluster of chrome that was always parked outside.
Walking in, it was evident that one hell of a party had taken place the previous night. There were Brothers passed out with half-naked women draped over them. Scattered all over the main floor were bottles and cups, and the stench of stale cigarettes and old alcohol was overwhelming. My stomach, perpetually queasy, ratcheted up once I walked in.
I looked around the room, worried I might find Bash out there, but thankfully, didn’t see him. Recognizing Crow’s dark hair, I saw that he was visible from the couch, with a naked club girl passed out on top of him. Just as I was heading toward the stairs, Bull came bustling out of the kitchen, looking worse forwear. I froze, unsure what to do, and once again anxious about what people might have heard.
“Too hungover to play Sally Jessy Raphael with you at the moment. Lord knows I did enough of that with Bash last night. I had to help him to his room. Just to give you a heads up, he might not be in the best position to talk right now.” My heart jumped into my throat as Bull talked, upset that I was the reason Bash had drank so much. I nodded in response, unable to get my voice out, and scurried up the stairs, racing to check on him.
That feeling of dread only continued as I walked down the hallway, trying to avoid peeking through open doors at the naked occupants sprawled for everyone to view. Standing outside Bash’s room, I took a deep breath before knocking softly. There was no response, so I tried the knob, grateful to find it unlocked.
Girding myself, I pushed the door open and stepped into the room, hastily closing the door behind me. It was dark. Not wanting to startle Bash too much, I walked over to where I knew there was a desk lamp, rather than switching on the overhead light.
Leaning down, I fumbled around the nightstand until I found the on switch, and the soft light illuminated Bash’s face. He was deep in sleep, almost dead to the world. As my eyes adjusted to the lighting, I then noticed long dark hair draped over his shoulder, coming from the woman in bed with him. I slammed my hands over my mouth, trying to smother the uncontrolled gasp that came out of me. The noise startled the woman, who rolled over and sat up, revealing herself as Dolly.
“Oh, Phoebe. Wasn’t expecting to see you here,” she said, a smug smile on her face.
I looked between her and Bash, the both of them half-naked, and my heart sank.One fight, and he turned to someone else? Just like that?Dolly was talking, and I couldn’t hear her over allof the thoughts rushing through my head. I noticed Bash hadn’t stirred during all of it, causing my focus to laser in on him.
He looked different. I had seen him deep in sleep, had seen him after sex, had even seen him hungover. This… This was something else—something hauntingly familiar. Still ignoring Dolly, I walked back over to the door, hitting the switch to turn the overhead light on. Once again, Bash didn’t move at all.
“Look, he’s a man, and they have needs. It’s best it happened this way. You can decide now if you’re okay with other women satisfying his true needs, or if you should just cut and run,” Dolly remarked as she stood up from the bed in nothing but her bra and panties.
Under the harsh bright lights, the whole scene looked especially tawdry, Dolly’s smeared makeup and tousled hair telling a story of its own.
“Stop talking, and don’t fucking move,” I said to her, not liking the situation for more than just the obvious reasons.
“Don’t be such a baby. You had to know this would happen sooner or later. It didn’t mean anything between us. He was just upset because of some fight with you.”
“You take one more step, and I’ll make sure you regret it. I’m not joking, Dolly,” I warned, finally making it back over to the side of the bed Bash was on.
Leaning down, I listened to his shallow breathing before trying to shake him awake, but he still hadn’t opened his eyes.
“Bash! Bash, wake up!” I shook him harder, even going so far as to lightly slap his cheek. His only response was the slow drifting of his eyes opening as he looked at me, unseeing. He gave a few lazy blinks, and I noticed his pupils were huge. Lifting his arm up, I let go and watched as it dropped like dead weight.
That wasn’t just a hangover, and the whole situation stunk of more than just Dolly’s cheap perfume. Grabbing my phone, I texted Bull and Match to get up there ASAP, and to call a doctor.
“What are you doing? Who are you calling? Do you want everyone in the club to know he cheated on you?” Dolly hissed, her voice taunting.
She had gotten dressed by then, in an outfit that had less fabric than a bathing suit. Shoes in hand, she started walking toward the door.
