Devon grimaced. “Probably.”
“So why are they coming now?” Caleb asked. “Now that she’s doing so well and only has another month of therapy? To pretend to be magnanimous and shower her with fake love and attention she doesn’t want?”
“So they can pretend they care?” Devon suggested. “Because someone pointed out how awful it looks to not have come sooner? Because Hailey’s case has made national news?”
“They don’t sound very empathetic,” Chloe murmured.
“No.” Devon sat forward. “They never have been. They didn't want Kathy to marry me because I didn’t mooch off my parents. They wanted her set for life with a rich husband, no matter how she felt.”
“That’s cold,” Chloe said.
Devon barely noticed when Alicia got up. “Extremely. And then they moved away just before we married, hoping to force her to come along. It didn't work. She moved in with me, and we married without her parents attending.”
“Is that how it always was, then? They weren’t part of her life or yours after that?” Chloe asked.
“Exactly.” Devon leaned back again and realized they were alone. He hadn't seen the others leave.
Chloe leaned forward until she was directly in Devon’s line of sight. “So they don’t care about Hailey very much, then, do they?”
“They send the obligatory birthday and Christmas cards, but that’s it. Hailey doesn’t care for them very much, either,” he said with humor.
“She’s a smart kid.”
“She is.”
“Does she remember Kathy?”
Devon sat silently for a few long moments as he thought of his answer. He expected to feel pain, as he thought he would when they began the discussion, but he felt nothing but a fond remembrance. “She has a photo album on her nightstand we look at all the time. In the early years, I feared there would be no way Hailey could remember Kathy as she’d known her. Since she was so young, there would be no sense memories, you know? She can’t recall the smell of her perfume or the feel of her arms around her.”
Chloe nodded, her chin in her hand as she rested her elbow on her knee.
“I could still smell Kathy’s perfume, hear her laugh, and feel her hand in mine. All I could give Hailey was one-dimensional paper. So I held the pictures up for her and talked about her mom. I told her stories about us in place of fairy tales at bedtime. How we met at school, how hard Kathy and I worked for our first house. How much Kathy loved life. She and Lori were very close, so it was hard for more than just me. We all talked about Kathy as if she was on an extended trip in order to keep her in Hailey’s life.”
“And does she ask about her now? Does she know how much Kathy loved her?” Chloe asked with genuine interest.
“I believe Hailey missed her mother most at important times in her life. When she had a birthday and there was no mom. When Mother’s Day rolls around and we celebrate my mom instead of Kathy. We go to the cemetery and talk to her, but it’s not the same, of course. The most painful goodbyes are the ones never said out loud. Hailey was too young to say goodbye to her mother.” When Devon finished talking, he crossed his arms over his chest. He hadn't meant to say so much about Kathy, but he found Chloe so easy to talk with.
“You’ve had to work hard to be both parents at once,” Chloe said with tears in her eyes. “Trying to be everything for everybody is bound to sap your strength, eventually.”
He looked away from her show of emotion. “Maybe it has.”
“And now you’re so tired, so beat down, and trying hard to recover from what happened, you’re closing off. You have to do something to save yourself, but you don’t even see your family is there to save you if you’ll let them.”
He snapped his gaze back to hers. “They’ve already saved me so much, Chloe.” He held up his hand when she shook her head and looked as though she was about to speak. “I know you think that’s what they want to do, but I can’t bring them down to my level when I’m this fucked up.”
“Then let them bring you up to their level. That’s what they want, what they deserve as the people who love you.”
“I’m in too much pain to feel love anymore.” As he said the words, the hurt and confusion he’d been trying to push away came to the surface. It was too much loneliness and fear to put on other people’s plates.
“We're created to be loved, Devon. Humans can't live without it.” Her eyes were as gentle as her words, and he couldn't bear the way she put herself out there. She was so open, so raw and real, and he didn't deserve that type of person in his life.
So he spoke defensively. “Are you a shrink now?”
“Nope.” She sat up and crossed her arms. “Just seeing a different perspective than you are.”
“So you think Caleb and Lori don’t have enough to worry about right now? The shop was closed for so long, we’re struggling to get any clients back. They have a savings account, but they both worked there. That means no income with a newborn infant. You want me to unburden myself on them? That’s the worst type of selfish.”
Chloe made a disgruntled sound. “Only because you refuse to see a qualified professional.”
