Kate took the milking stool and sat down next to him, back straight, hands clasped tightly in her lap.Lord, I don’t want to hurt him. Help me find the words.
Andrew stretched out his long legs and pushed his hat to the back of his head, his dark hair falling across his forehead. He took another sip and said, “So anythin’ excitin’ happen while I was gone?”
Kate froze.Lord, please ease this news. Help it land softly.“Well, not excitin’. But somethin’ … important.”
He looked at her, eyebrows raised. “Sounds serious.”
“It is,” Kate said. Her heart tried to beat out of her chest. She had no idea how he would react. She cleared her throat. There was only one way to find out. “Andrew, you’re a good man. I care for you. And my family cares for you as well. You’re hardworkin’ and loyal, and any woman would be lucky to have you.”
His dark eyes narrowed. “I have a feelin’ there’s a ‘but’ comin’.”
Kate looked down. “But”—she swallowed hard—“I can’t marry you.”
He went completely still. Then he slowly set his coffee cup on the ground and leaned forward onto his knees, his hands clenched into fists. Kate couldn’t see his face. The silence was as taut as a bowstring.
Andrew took off his hat and ran a hand roughly through his hair. “I should’ve known,” he said softly. He looked at her, his face rigid. “I should’ve known. You clammed up every time we talked about the weddin’.”
“Andrew, let me explain—”
“Explain what?” he burst out. “That you strung me along like a dog on a chain, only to drop me like some rotten piece of garbage?”
“No, Andrew, that’s not it at all! I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
He scoffed. “Oh, that’s rich! You had plenty of time to say no. I courted you for weeks! And now you reject me days before we’re gonna be married?”
“I didn’t know until now!”
“Didn’t know what?” he shouted, bolting to his feet.
“That we were never suited for each other! Andrew, listen to me. You want someone who is meek and mild, a girl who would be content to stay at home and keep your house for you. I’m not like that, Andrew. I’ve never been the perfect young lady who would become the perfect young wife. I would be tryin’ to be someone I’m not, and I’d drown under the weight of it. And I would make you miserable. We’d do nothin’ but fight! Andrew, you must see it. I’m not the woman for you. You deservesomeone who absolutely adores you, and you’ll find that one day, I pray to God you will. But I am not that woman. I can’t make you happy.”
He stood there for a long time, hands on his hips, not meeting her eyes. He looked up at the rough-hewn ceiling of the barn and laughed bitterly. “It’s Jacob, isn’t it?”
Kate’s breath caught. “What about Jacob?”
“I saw the way you looked at him when he came back here. You’ve been in love with him this whole time.” A muscle ticked in his jaw.
“Jacob’s gone, Andrew. He has nothin’ to do with why—”
“But you ain’t denyin’ it.” He whirled on her, eyes alight with jealousy. “Tell me it ain’t so. Tell me you don’t love him.”
“I—I might’ve had feelings for him at one point, but he’s gone now and—”
“I knew it,” he spat. “Well, you and him can be happy together, if he ever makes it out of them mountains alive.”
“Andrew, please, let’s talk about this.”
“Naw, I’m done talkin’. I’m done with this. I’m done with you,” he said viciously. He stalked out of the barn and into the bright afternoon sunlight.
It was past dark and past supper before Andrew came back to the homestead. He knocked loudly on the door of the cabin. Kate hurried to answer.
“Can we talk?” he asked in a tight voice.
“Of course.” She looked around the cramped cabin, her parents and Ian trying valiantly to feign obliviousness. “Let me get my coat.”
Back in the barn with a lantern lit, Kate clasped her hands and waited for Andrew to break the frigid silence. He stared at the floor, his breath misting gently in the cold air.
“I’ll pack up my things and leave tomorrow.”
