Before they turned the corner around the barracks, Kate looked back at him, catching his eye over her shoulder. She gave him a sad little smile, somehow mirroring in her expression the melancholy in his heart. She had found her home, the place in the hills she’d always wanted. She should be happy. Then why did she look so forlorn? Could it be that she was thinking of the goodbyes she’d have to make? Did it hurt her heart to think of leaving him, like it hurt his to think of watching her go? He hung his head. And so what if it did? It was too late now.
Raindrops started pattering quietly on the brim of his hat.Fool. You’ve only known her since spring! What’s got you all turned about? A couple of conversations with a strange girl who might match you throw for throw in a ropin’ competition?He scoffed and shook his head, trying to dispel the hold she had on him. But the thought of his life without Kate McGrath in it made him hurt inside. He growled and stalked over to Kip and pulled on the slipknot with unnecessary force. The gelding sidestepped as he mounted. Jacob reined Kip through the crowded fort as quickly ashe could, and once free of the press, he nudged him into a canter. He really needed to clear his head.
Home.
The word still reverberated in Kate’s mind like the tolling of a bell, even as the twilight deepened into evening. The sheer weight of it made it hard to breathe. All her dreams encapsulated in one word, coming to fruition before her very eyes. She furrowed her brow. Then why wasn’t she happy?
She kept remembering the look on Jacob’s face as she left him standing by the stock pen. He had smiled at her, but his eyes hadn’t crinkled at the corners like they usually did. She tried not to think of how many days she had left before they had to say goodbye. She shook her head slightly, trying vainly to expel him from her mind, putting on a smile at her brothers’ animated interrogation of Mr. Avery. But instead of joining in the excitement with her family around the fire, she was mourning something that could never be.
Mr. Avery was describing the homestead in his slow, sonorous voice. “—and the cabin’s rough, mind you, but she’s sealed up real good. And the missus cleaned it top to bottom ’fore we left. Didn’t want no one to think ill of her housekeepin’. Not sure what it’ll be like after all these months with no one in it, mind.” He spat into the fire. “Couldn’t finish the barn. It was just me, you see, and I worked my hands nearly to the bone tryin’ to git it done. There’s a roof and four walls, but not much else.” His eyes took on a melancholy dreaminess. “But that view. The little crick at the bottom of the hill, wide spaces, and them mountains sittin’ tall against the horizon.” He sighed. “I’ll sure enough miss it.”
As her brothers continued to pepper Mr. Avery with questions, Ma leaned close to Kate, talking softly. “Isn’t it wonderful, Katherine? TheLord has brought us to our own little Promised Land!” Her eyes sparkled with a liveliness that Kate hadn’t seen in weeks.
“Like a dream come true,” Kate said, mustering the barest enthusiasm into her voice.
“I am praying all the best for Mr. and Mrs Avery. Your father said that Mrs. Avery had lost a baby this past spring. Poor dear. And with no extra help, Mr. Avery just couldn’t handle the cattle alone. But with your father and Ian and Danny, and Andrew as well—”
Kate looked at her mother in surprise. “Wait, what? Andrew?”
“Yes, of course, weren’t you listening? Just yesterday Andrew talked with your father about hiring on as a cowhand wherever we end up settling. And here we are, finding a place the very next day!” She squeezed Kate’s hand and gave her a knowing smile. “God is so good!”
“He is indeed,” Kate replied faintly, her mind whirling.
Large drops of rain began to fall, and all at once everyone realized how late it was. There were handshakes all around. Mr. Avery glided out into the twilight like a wraith, and everyone took to their pallets for the night. But Kate lingered once again. Her family was used to her late-night solitary musings. She stared into the dying embers of the fire.
Kate just couldn’t make sense of the tumult inside. She sat lost in thought, even as her dress grew damp with the light rain. A long time passed. The camp grew still. A log split and sparks burst upwards, floating into the twilight. Andrew materialized out of the night into the soft glow.
He squatted down next to her. “So you heard then? About me comin’ with y’all to your new spread?” he asked softly.
“Yes,” Kate responded, just as softly.
“I was just squarin’ things up with Proctor,” he said, tossing a twig onto the flames.
“And?”
“Didn’t seem too choked up about it.”
“That’s good.” The breeze picked up a bit and she hugged her arms.
He looked over at her, dark eyes serious in the firelight. “Is it?” She frowned and opened her mouth to ask what he meant, but he continued on. “I mean, is it all right by you that I’m comin’ along?”
Truth be told, she didn’t really know how she felt about it. Andrew stirred up such conflicting emotions inside her. He had been such a friend to her family, and he was a good man, but so aloof, so hard to read. Did he just want to keep a hold of steady work with a man he respected, or did he have other designs on staying close to her family? She frowned, not really wanting to follow that train of thought. He seemed to be a man who knew what he wanted, and a lot of his decisions had ended up tying himself closer to her family. But he had been a great help to her father, and her brothers respected him. Even Ma held him in high esteem. So she smiled reassuringly despite her turbulent thoughts, wanting to put him at ease. “Yes, of course, Andrew. Why wouldn’t it be all right?”
He let out a breath and smiled, his perfect teeth gleaming faintly in the dying light of the fire. “I’m right glad to hear that, Miss Kate,” he said. Andrew stared at her for a long moment. Kate shivered at the look of possessiveness in his gaze. “Good night,” he said and left, leaving behind the smell of soap and pomade.
Chapter 23
Jacobstarednumblyintothe churning waters of Snake River, rain dripping sluggishly off the brim of his hat. Had it already been two weeks since Fort Laramie? Time slipped through his fingers like sand.
Despite the near constant rain, the approach to South Pass had never gone so quick. The work of getting the train through the endless mud had blurred the hours so that the days all blended together, and suddenly here they were, just a matter of days before the Lander Cutoff, just a matter of days before Kate and her family left the train to settle forever in the foothills of the Wind River Mountains and he left them behind, duty-bound to see the train through to Oregon. He closed his eyes. So little time.
An image of Kate shimmered in his mind’s eye, the way she had looked when they shared that intoxicating kiss. Her hair, all curly and wild, set on fire by the light of the golden sunrise, the freckles on her bare shoulders, her eyes like deep pools of amber pulling him in, drowning him in longing. He groaned softly, shaking his head. He had to stop thinking about her like that. Kate had made it abundantly clear that friendship was the only thing she wanted from him. He had tried so hard to forget that kiss, to do as she’d asked, to just be friends. But every time he looked at her, her power over him deepened. He was inextricably drawn to her, like a moth pulled into the shining light of a flame.
Could he just leave her? Could he just let her go without telling her how he felt?
The sound of rumbling earth brought him back to cold reality. He opened his eyes in time to see a section of the far bank give way, the river hungrily swallowing the offering of clay and brush. This didn’t look good. The water roiled and swirled, the current strengthened by the endless rain, driftwood and flotsam sucked along at an alarming rate.
“Blasted rain,” Seb grumbled, spitting tobacco juice past his limp mustache. His stash of cigarette papers had been soaked through, and he had resorted to his tin of chew. “It’s gonna be misery to cross this. Reckon we oughta wait a day or two, see if it drops?”
