Over the backs of the mules, she noticed Jacob and Seb in deep discussion with Proctor. The train captain stood with arms crossed, as indomitable as ever, while Jacob gestured emphatically, and Seb stoodby with hands on hips. Proctor interrupted Jacob, jabbing a finger into his chest. Jacob slapped it away and left, his face a thunderhead.
“Mr. Munroe?” she called out as he passed her. He kept walking, muttering to himself. She called again. “Jacob?”
“What?” he barked, whirling around. He saw her, and his face softened a little. “Sorry, Kate. I didn’t mean to be unkind.”
“It’s all right. I just saw you talkin’ to Mr. Proctor; you seem upset.”
He tapped his fingers against his thigh. “It’s nothin’. Just … nothin’.”
“Obviously it’s somethin’.”
He rubbed a hand over his face. “He’s just pushin’ so hard.”
Her heart sank. “Will we get any rest here at the fort?”
“One day. That’s all I could get out of him. I guess we did lose three days comin’ from Scott’s Bluff, and more besides. Darn rain. And gettin’ late to Oregon. If winter comes early …”
Kate fought the urge to put a reassuring hand on his arm. She reminded herself that it wasn’t her place to be so familiar, that she had chosen to keep him at arm’s length. But she couldn’t help the pang she felt at the distance between them. “Do you think it’s right to push the pace?”
Jacob heaved a sigh. “I don’t know. On one hand, we have to push to make sure we make it before snowfall, but on the other, you’re downright exhausted and, well, I mean, everyone’s done wore out after the sickness and all.” He rubbed the back of his neck, avoiding her gaze. “People start makin’ poor choices when they’re at the end of their rope. I just want all of us to get there in one piece.”
“I know you’re doin’ all you can to help us, Jacob.”
“But it’s my job to protect you,” he said, his voice strained. “To protect all of you.”
Kate smiled softly, thinking of all the loss he carried in his heart, the pain that spurred him on. “You can’t stop bad things from happenin’. We all face hard times in this life, but we have the choice to either let itdefeat us or to live life more boldly and beautifully despite those hard times.”
“But what if somethin’ terrible happened?”
“Then you trust that the Lord will give you strength to make it through.”
“Trust?” His face soured.
“Yes, Jacob. Trust. Trust in somethin’ bigger than yourself. You can’t carry the weight of this world on your shoulders. Someday it’ll break you.” She could feel him withdrawing from her, from the truth. “You need to give that burden over to the Lord, to the One who bore all our burdens. He can carry it, Jacob. He can carry you.”
“Sounds like you have enough trust for the both of us,” he said stiffly and turned and walked away.
Kate let out a heavy sigh. He had been hurt so badly that he’d made up his mind to depend on nothing but what his own two hands could do.Someday he’s going to crumble under the weight of it all. I just pray that when it happens, his eyes would be opened to you, Lord, that he would reach for you when he comes to the end of himself.
The next day dawned gray again, but at least there was a blessed break from the rain. Ian and Danny escorted Kate into the fort, armed with Ma’s list and the last of their coins. Her brothers stared down any man who dared approach within ten feet, whether he was eighteen or eighty, stayed with her until they had gathered all their supplies, carried the parcels—refusing to let her help—and flanked her while they walked back to where Pa bartered at the stock corrals. It made Kate feel helpless, but, she had to admit, it was rather endearing, the way they stalked around with their chests puffed out and scowls on their faces. She smiled wryly at the little bubble of space she enjoyed amidst the busy fort and tried not to think about why it was there.
Pa was in the middle of a heated debate with a rotund teamster on the price of a rather scrawny pair of mules. Kate eyed her brothers asthey shifted the heavy sacks of flour and beans on their shoulders. “This might take a while,” she said softly, not wanting to interrupt her father’s impressive bartering skills.
Danny snorted. “Might take the rest of the mornin’ if Pa has anythin’ to do with it.”
“He could get the price down by half if he keeps it up,” Kate said admiringly.
“If he cuts it by even a quarter, it’s worth takin’ the entire day,” Ian added.
Kate smiled at her oldest brother. Always the practical one. “Why don’t you two take those back to the wagon? You know Ma wouldn’t want them hangin’ about on the ground gatherin’ dirt and things.”
Ian shifted his sack to the other shoulder with a grunt. “It’s all right. Pa might need a hand takin’ this pair back to camp,” he said, nodding to the corral.
“I can stay with him,” Kate said. Danny eyed her. “Don’t worry about me. I won’t leave Pa’s sight.”
Her brothers shared a look. “You promise?” Danny asked.
“Promise. Now go before you throw your backs out.” She gave them each a gentle shove.
