“Is that still how you feel?”
Alec looked down to take another bite and spoke with a full mouth. “I don’t know. I don’t want to go back to not speaking to you. But…”
“But what?” He wouldn’t answer or look at me. “Alec?”
“I don’t know, Mason.”
“Well, I know. I want to be in a relationship with you. Call it whatever you want—boyfriend, partner, lover—I don’t care. Ijust want to be yours.” He looked at me. “If it’s no, it’s no. If you just want to be fuck buddies while CompCom spins up, I’ll take it. But I want something more. I meant it when I said I’m in love with you, Alec. Always have been. Always will be.”
He sighed and slumped. With a sad smile, he said, “I love you, too. More than I ever loved anyone. But I can’t… do that again.”
“Do what?”
“Have my heart broken.” He snorted. “No one has ever had as much power over me as you do. And you’re right. I want nothing more than to make it real between us. But it wouldn’t work.”
“Why wouldn’t it?” I was getting frustrated, and my voice rose.
“You live so far away!” he said. “Your life is there. Mine is here. I spent my time floating, and these roots are here to stay.”
“We can be long distance! I’ll be out here like once aweek. And you can get your ass on a plane every once in a while, too.”
“Would you be okay with that?”
“Wouldyou?”
“I…” His face broke, and he chuckled to himself. “You know, no matter how good things are for me, I always felt like something was missing, even before with Viv.” He looked away. “Then I met you, and everything wassogood. Better than anything ever. Like I found the missing piece.” He ran a hand through his hair to steady his shaking voice, still avoiding my eye. “Everything is goinggreatfor me now, but it’s back to normal. Something’s missing.” He met my gaze. “It took seeing you again—well, no, it took reading your name in an email a month ago, to realize it’s you. You’re what’s missing. And I’m fucking terrified that you always will be.”
I put my hand on his. He laced our fingers together. I said, “You’re my missing piece, too. Let’s make each other whole.”
He laughed with glassy eyes, about to leak. “Yeah? Just like that?”
“Just like that.”
“There’s so many variables. It won’t be easy…” He stared at me until a tear fell, and he smiled. “But a little ambiguity in life is good for the soul, right?” He chuckled at himself.
I kept the joy rising in me to a minimum. “Look at you, embracing the unknown.”
“Are you ready for that? If we tried, we’d have to take it slow. See if we even work as an out, public couple. But I also think,” he squeezed my hand, “we’d need to give it everything we have. One hundred percent effort.”
“One hundred percent, everything we got, effort.” I took his face in my hands and wiped away the tear. “I’m madly in love with you, Alec, from the depths of my soul. And always will be,” I said before kissing him. Closed lips with a firm press. I didn’t let him go when I was done.
“Are we fucking insane to give this a shot?”
“Yes. But when has that stopped anyone ever?”
He laughed and wrapped me in his arms. We kissed again. Our tongues met. He tasted like bacon and coffee. When we parted, he smirked. His eyes glinted like they did before I started calling him sir.
“You know what? You still have that shitty mattress?”
“Uhm, yeah?”
“Maybe I’ll find a flight and come back with you. We can take some days off and get you a proper king-size mattress for when I come out there. Then spend the rest of the time breaking it in.”
I laughed and threw my arms around him.
“I’d love nothing better,” I said before kissing him again.
Epilogue
