I hopped into something neither of us were ready for. But you need to understand you weren’t a rebound. You were so much more than just my shelter. I enjoyed myselfmore in these short months than in my whole marriage. Or my entire life.
It’s time I grew my own roots. I realize that now. Even if you had said yes, and we went to HR, it would again be building a relationship on an unsure footing. Would we have made it? For a time, yes, I think so. Forever? Who knows? Things with flawed foundations tend to crumble. Even if what we had was fleeting, I know I’d never bounce back from us crumbling like that.
Thank you for giving me somewhere to land, the safe harbor from the storm, and yourself. Sharing your life and your love have profoundly changed me. A change I intend to grow. I must drift, embrace the unknown, and feel comfortable with ambiguity. The only way to do that is to leave. Not you or your place, but everything.
We both need a new start. I do very much hope that your options continue to be endless. I also hope that one day, when it’s time and with who it’s meant, you settle down and find happiness. Even if it’s just a fraction of how happy you’ve made me, it’ll be more than most ever experience.
Please don’t worry about me. I will be fine, as will you.
I love you.
Alec
Chapter Fifteen
One year later.
“Yeah… Yup... Yes, that’s right… Uh-huh... Okay, speak soon… Yup... Seriously, thanks again... Mmhm... Bye... Goodbye,” I said, staring Deven in the eye, a smirk clashing with the annoyance on my face before I hung the phone up.
“So?” he said, eager as ever.
“We’re in!” I said, raising my hands.
Deven celebrated in his unique way, hunched over and rapidly pumping his fists for less than a second.
“Fuckyeah!” he said, before remembering we were in the office and regulating his volume. It was the end of the day, but there were still plenty of people around.
“Calm down, bro. It’s just a pitch meeting.” I said, quashing his fervor before my smirk returned. “But a hell of a lot closer than any of them have ever gotten.”
Deven pumped his fists again. “Fuck, man!” he whispered. “How long have you been chasing them? Didn’t you meet her with your old Sr. Rep.?”
A flash of ice hit my stomach. It used to be a lot worse than a flash. “We’ve been chasing them for a year and a half. But, yeah, I met Rebekah Shenandoah a year and three months ago.”
I knew precisely how long it had been since I met her. Three months, and then a year.
“Damn, so this is the longest chase you’ve ever been on? You used to close like ninety percent of your accounts within the same day, right?”
I chuckled. “Yup.” I hated talking about it, but didn’t want him to know that.
“Nice! Well, I know for afactthat we’re gonna be the team that finally closes CompComm!” He pumped his fists again. “Fuck yeah!”
I had been promoted to Senior Representative a few months before, and Deven was my Junior. At twenty-two, he had graduated with his BA in marketing thirteen minutes ago and already made me feel old as dirt. I was almost twenty-eight, but I already thought he used weird slang, listened to terrible music, and had a different professional vibe. Or he might just have been a little weirdo, but I liked him.
Since my promotion and Deven’s hiring, we’d been killing it. Lisa was deemed the number one sales Rep. the previous year, after the abrupt end of my streak. But we were on track to reclaim the title. There was a moment when the sorrow gave way to clarity, and it all returned to me. Since then, I was on a winning streak for record books. More so once I got Deven.
I can attribute that to work becoming my sole focus. Yeah, I went to happy hours and saw friends once in a while, but my time was spent working, thinking about work, and then working more. It never left my mind, even lifting at the gym—especially at the gym.
When I didn’t think about work, other thoughts crept in. I had a handle on them. Time heals all wounds and all that, but it was still a struggle even a year later.
Not to put too fine a point on it, but I was approaching the one-year anniversary of Alec leaving. Well, of me running away like a scared child and coming home to find out he left for good. It had been a year of growth and sorrow. Loss and transformation.
Sometimes, laying alone in bed, I’d relive it all. The shock and horror, the heartbreak and despair. I didn’t sleep a wink the night I came home and spent the rest of my PTO in bed. It was pretty terrible.
Worse than that? When I found out Alec had quit his job and erased all his social media. He either got a new number or blocked everyone we knew in common. It was an enormous scandal in the office. After years with the company as a top-performing salesperson, his formal resignation was an email to the president. Not even a call to his boss, the VP of Sales.
Eventually, I tracked down his ex-wife, Vivian, on social media. She was curt and said she didn’t know where he was, but that even if she did, she wouldn’t tell me or anyone else. Alec deserved a fresh start, and we should let him have it.
That wasn’t my last attempt to find him, but it was the last good lead. His parents weren’t on social media, nor could I find them without the help of a private eye. And if I was going to hire one, I might as well just look for Alec. Googling private eyes was the last thing I did. I thought of Vivian's message before clicking on any of the links. If he didn’t want to be found, that was his right.
