“You don’t need that shit!” I said with a laugh. “Not right now, if ever.” I shivered. “Sounds suffocating.”
“It’s not suffocating. It’s called being a grown-up.”
“No, it’s not. That’s picking a life and sticking to it, no matter if it’s right or wrong. You need options—and now you have them!”
“What options do I have?”
“Where to go, what to do, who to fuck—the world is your oyster, man.”
“I hate shellfish,” he said stone-faced, but the slight curl of his lips betrayed him.
I laughed. “No, you don’t!” I laughed again as his face cracked more. “You need to move. To moveon.And this,” I couldn’t read his face as I tapped the envelope, “is the best way to move forward. Sign it, then call your lawyer while I make lunch. Later we can watch a movie, and you can fuck me any way you want.”
“That’s not… I don’t need to sign it.” He looked away and smiled. “My lawyer needs to review it, then we’ll counter. All that. Signing it only happens on TV.”
“Oh. Well, go ahead and call him and let him know you have it.”
“Her. My lawyer’s a woman.”
“Ok!” I threw my arms up. “Then call her. Whatever.”
“It’s Sunday. She’s not in the office.”
We both laughed.
“Fine. Whatever,” I said, still laughing as his smile faded.
“Yeah. Whatever.” He didn’t look at me.
Alec looked at the envelope again, the hurt and fear reemerging. For a second, I thought I had fixed him, and he was happy, sexy Alec again. But of course not. The depth of his pain was as foreign to me as wanting to get married in the first place. My stupidity made me dizzy sometimes. That moment notwithstanding.
I rubbed his back again. “I’m being an asshole, and I’m sorry. This is hard for you, and I don’t know what to say.I’ve never been married, so I can’t fathom what it’s like to get divorced. But I’m here. My ass is on this couch until you need it elsewhere.”
“Thanks. Maybe I do need to shake things up. Though, having consistently amazing sex with a man is a pretty huge shake up from my former life.”
“Exactly, man! That’s what I’m saying!”
He stared at the envelope for a second before asking, “Do you really think being in a stable, long-term relationship is suffocating?”
“What? No. I never said that.”
He stared at me, the sorrow fading. “You just said putting down roots sounds suffocating.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“What did you mean, then?”
“Just that, I need options. I didn’t necessarily mean a relationship, more like… I don’t know. I guess relationships can be suffocating, but that’s not what I was thinking about.”
“What were you thinking about?”
“More like never leaving the place you were born. Living, doing,beingthe same thing from birth till death.”
He snorted. “You’ve traveled the world. We both have.”
“Yeah, but, I mean, like…” I laughed, “My grandpa was still going at twenty-six.”
“Then he met someone he loved and settled down. There’s nothing wrong with that. You’re alive because he did.”
