‘I...’ Runar appeared as if he were struggling to find the words. ‘The Hall is too crowded...and Thorin... I am ashamed at how terribly I have wronged him. It is...difficult being here.’
‘I understand it is difficult.’ Her heart softened and she took a deep breath. ‘But you didn’t even tell me you were leaving! What was I supposed to think?’
‘I am sorry, Embla, truly, but I cannot stay. Thorin would never allow it. I betrayed him so badly. I abandoned all that was decent when I took Gertrud from him... I can barely look him in the eye!’
‘I see,’ she sighed, tired of begging him to stay. If he could not, then she would just have to accept it. ‘Go then, and perhaps I will have an answer for you by the autumn.’
‘Autumn?’ he whispered, his eyes wide.
Tears pricked at the back of her eyes. If he could not wait for her, then what was the point? Maybe it was unkind of her to test him like this, but she had had enough of bending to other people’s will.
‘Perhaps longer...’
Sten shuffled anxiously beside them, and she glanced behind her at the Hall. Curious people had begun to emerge, and she felt their prying eyes upon them.
Would the whole of Gudvangen bear witness to her heartbreak?
Shame clawed at her throat and she felt dizzy.
Would she end up abandoned and forgotten as her mother had?
She would not suffer the burden of an illegitimate child...but would that make it any easier? If she had a baby, then at least something of their love would remain. As it was, she might be left with nothing but memories.
‘Embla...’ he whispered, reaching to cup her face.
She took a step back. ‘People are watching,’ she explained, and his hand dropped to his side. ‘Goodbye, Runar, and...thank you, for everything. If you never wish to return for me, I will understand.’
Her heart felt as if it had been ripped from her chest. But she managed to turn away without crying.
Back at the hall’s entrance, she allowed herself one final glance behind her. But Runar was already halfway across the fields surrounding the settlement, Sten trotting beside him.
The dog stopped occasionally to stare back at the Gudvangen, as if he were confused as to why Embla had remained. Runar’s walk was steady, and his gaze was fixed on the forest ahead of him. When he entered the trees, he didn’t look back.
Chapter Twenty-One
After saying goodbye to Runar, Embla had focused on the boys to stop herself from crumbling.
As always, they distracted her easily. They were thrilled by the gifts she and Runar had made for them, and they enthusiastically began wearing and playing with them.
To her relief, the grief of her absence had been easily forgotten by the children. Her unexpected return was accepted as if it were perfectly reasonable, and not the impossibility the adults had tried to convince them it was.
Her arrival appeared to have delayed a feast, and the thralls began to work hard to serve the food before it spoiled. She was about to help them when Gertrud took her by the arm and led her to the Jarl’s table.
‘Come sit with me,’ she said, and there was a shyness to her tone that Embla had never heard before. ‘Your mother will join us too, won’t you, Asa?’
Her mother smiled warmly and joined them. Asa sat to her left, with Gertrud on her right beside her husband. The boys were still playing in the centre of the Hall, but usually they sat beside their father. Embla was not used to being included at the family table, and she felt strange sitting with them.
‘I should plate up some food for the boys. They will be too distracted to eat now, and will complain of hunger later,’ said Embla, beginning to rise from her seat, but she was stopped by Gertrud’s firm hand on her elbow.
‘Boys, it is time to eat!’ called Gertrud before turning to Embla. ‘They have been warned. Let them make their choice.’
Embla returned to her seat and was shocked when a short time later the boys moved to sit beside their father and began to eat obediently.
‘I have been tougher on them since you left,’ Gertrud explained with a pleased smile, and Embla realised she had a good reason to be proud, and not only of her sons.
‘That is...’ Embla muttered shaking her head,‘impressive!’
Never would she have thought to be learning child-rearing advice from Gertrud, but then, maybe she had never given her a chance. She had always been so desperate to prove herself irreplaceable that she had almost taken over completely. It confirmed to Embla what she had begun to suspect, that Gertrud wasn’t solely responsible for the wall between them.
