Seeing her sister’s reaction to her return had made her realise the truth. They had both added to the wall that had originally separated them from each other, and Gertrud wasn’t solely to blame for their poor relationship.
Had seeing Gertrud affected Runar just as much?
The thought made her blood run cold.
The last few moments had already been a storm of emotions, and she wasn’t sure how much more she could take.
Would he confess to still loving Gertrud? Was that why he was leaving?
‘I am not good with crowds...or farewells,’ he said finally, not meeting her eye.
Her chest tightened painfully. ‘Farewells? So, you have changed your mind? You no longer want me?’
‘No!’ he exclaimed, as if horrified by the thought, and then he frowned, struggling over his next words. ‘I thought...perhaps you had made your choice... Your family need you...’ His gaze met hers and softened with sympathy. ‘And I cannot stay within these walls...’
It was a relief to know that he still wanted her. But nevertheless her heart leaped in her throat as she realised he wanted her to decide straight away.
Could she be parted from her family? So soon?
She shook her head. ‘But I haven’t made my choice yet! Surely we can ask Thorin to let you stay a little while at least...if we explain?’
But she thought of the animals back home that would be waiting for him. They would last a little while alone, but he could not leave them for long.
Runar must have thought the same because he shook his head. ‘It won’t make any difference... I am not allowed. Thorin has already acted with greater leniency than he should have. Coming here again made me realise that no matter how much time has passed, what I did was unforgivable. He cannot bend any further without appearing weak.’
Guilt squirmed in her belly. Maybe she had hoped Runar would stay with her here, that she could have both Runar and her family. That they could live in harmony with each other somehow. But that was an impossible dream. Runar had always been honest about his limitations; he would never be happy in Gudvangen, even if Thorin could be persuaded to accept him.
She had to admit that if the reunion had been less joyful, she might have returned with him straight away. However, not only had the boys missed her, but also Gertrud had mourned her, and Thorin had even sent for her mother.
How could she walk away from them now, when they had finally proved how much they truly cared about her?
She could not win; either way she hurt someone she loved.
‘I need more time! My mother is here, and Gertrud... Something has changed with her. I can’t explain it, but I know I need to speak with her further...’
‘I know.’ Regret bloomed across his face, and he bowed his head. ‘Take all the time you need. That is why I decided to leave...’
At his easy answer, a wave of resentment washed through her. She neededhimtoo! But if he could not wait for her, then what was she to do—hope that one day...one year...he would come back for her? Or should she stumble through the mountain alone to find him?
Old doubts resurfaced, and she wondered if he were merely toying with her.
‘If you do not want me, just say so, Runar! I would rather know now, than end up looking like a fool!’
‘Of course, I want you!’
‘Then ask Thorin—’
‘I cannot.’
The finality of his answer struck her hard. Yes, she wanted him to give her time, but she also wanted him to fight for her, towanther. Maybe it was selfish and childish. But she couldn’t help but compare herself with her half-sister.
Runar had stolen Gertrud from a married man, but he would not even wait a few days for her?
Bitterly, she prodded at the open wound, speaking more to herself than to Runar. ‘I imagine seeing Gertrud again was difficult for you. Perhaps your old feelings are not as dead as you first thought...’
Outrage whipped through his reply, ‘I feelnothingfor Gertrud. I wantyou!’
She feared she had been unfair in bringing up Gertrud. ‘Yet you will not stay for me, not even one night?’
